Page 59 of Newton

"Get off me," I whisper when he barely catches himself from crushing me after he comes.

"Hmm?" he says, the bliss from his orgasm still holding him captive.

I push at his chest, waiting for him to roll over.

The second I'm free I climb off the bed and go to the bathroom, making sure to lock the door behind me.

I wanted to get lost in the fantasy and then he had to ruin it.

Babies?

Love?

I turn on the shower and scrub at my skin, needing the touch of him off me. I have to rid myself of it or I'll end up craving more of what I'm not supposed to have.

If I hadn't signed my own death warrant by running over a year ago, I certainly did the first time he put his mouth on me. Letting him fuck me and come in me both times ensures Nathan will kill me, but he won't do it before making sure I regret every second of the time I spent with Beck. I wouldn't put it past the man to hunt my new lover down and force me to watch as he tortures him. Beck wouldn't be whispering about babies and love then.

Once my skin is red and hurts to touch, I climb out of the shower and dry off. I pull on the pajamas Beck brought into the room for me, refusing to look at the necklace still hanging around my neck. I need to rip it off and throw it at him to get my point across, but I selfishly tuck it behind my pajama shirt before stepping back out into the room.

Beck has sweats on as he sits on the end of the bed. Sadness fills his eyes and every other feature on his face when he looks up at me.

I almost lose the words I know I have to say to him.

"Every word I ever said to you was a lie," I begin, forcing down the threat of bile as it tries to bubble up the back of my throat.

"Please don't do this," he begs, and as much as I want to run to him, I sneer instead. "I love you."

"And you think I could love you?"I look away from him before the pain on his face makes me cry. "I told you that he made me hurt people, and it's true. Do you know how many women I carved my name into? How many people did I help rip from their families?"

He shakes his head in disbelief.

Staying with him, letting him love me, will only get me killed, and I already have enough on my conscience. It would kill me to have to watch Nathan hurt him, and even doing this doesn't guarantee that he'll be safe.

"He made you," Beck insists.

I shake my head, another lie. I don't know how many times I gagged on my own vomit when Nathan forced me to hurt people, how many times Xan begged me to just let the monsters inside of me. He said it's so much easier to listen to the voices than to fight them. That was the difference between Xan and me. Our monsters weren't saying the same things.

"I chose myself over every single one of those people."

"Because you had to," he argues.

"I'll continue to choose myself over everyone, including you," I growl.

"I know why you're doing this, baby," he says shaking his head but at least he doesn't stand from the end of the bed. If he did, I'd never be able to keep up the charade. "I know you're scared and pushing me away seems like the best idea, but I'm not budging."

I swallow back the threat of tears, hating how weak I am at this moment.

"You deserve love," he says, and I think it might possibly be the first lie he's ever told me.

"I want you to get your shit and leave me alone," I scream.

I jolt at the knock on the bedroom door.

"Go away," Beck snaps, and it's the first time I've ever noticed a hint of anger come from him.

"Is everything okay?" a man on the other side of the door asks.

"We're fucking fine," Beck yells.

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