Page 61 of Keeping Secrets

“This cheddar is really good,” she said between bites.

“Yeah, it’s my favorite.”

She sighed in contentment and leaned back against the rock. “I needed this.”

“Nature is medicine,” he said.

Then, without warning, she was crying. He looked at her in shock for a second, then dropped his food and put an arm around her. She leaned into him and put her face into the fabric of his shirt, then pulled away and shook her head.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he said.

She buried her face in her hands. He didn’t know if she was still crying or just embarrassed, or both. He wanted to know why she was crying. He wanted to know what he could say to make it better. But he just sat there, feeling useless. After a moment, he reached out and put a hand on her back.

“I’m sorry,” she said again. “I don’t know why I– God, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Please.”

“Talking to the detective yesterday, it brought up a lot of stuff that I’d buried. I thought I was okay. I thought I was past it. But I just… I don’t know. It was hard. It was really hard.”

“Do you miss him?” he asked quietly.

“God no!” She was so shocked – or maybe offended – by the question that she sat up straight and leaned away, her green eyes wide. A moment later, she settled. Shaking her head, she looked out at the ocean. “I just hate to think of… all the mistakes I made, I guess. The hell that I put my parents through, and Nick. It hurts to think about all of that, and so mostly I just… don’t. It sounds stupid when I say it out loud.”

“It doesn’t sound stupid.”

She gave him a brief, grateful look and turned back toward the crashing waves.

A desperate curiosity bit at him, demanding to know what had happened in the interview, what she had learned about the investigation.

He pushed it aside.

“We all make mistakes,” he said softly.

“Not like this. I did terrible things, Travis. I stole from my own parents just to get my next fix. I don’t know how to reconcile that person with who I really am, who I am now, who I was before. I feel like I can’t fully trust myself, and that’s terrifying. Those aren’t normal mistakes.”

“You’d be surprised.”

“Oh yeah?” she scoffed. “What mistakes have you made?”

“I got in a bar fight once, not long after I moved to Pelican Point.”

“And?” The word was a challenge.

“And he died.”

She turned to him, astonished.

“I didn’t mean to. I landed a punch, and he fell backwards, cracked his head, went down. It all happened so fast.”

“And what happened?” she breathed.

“Scot spoke up for me. The judge went easy. But I’ve had to carry that, always. Mostly, like you said, I try not to think about it. But it’s a part of me, a part of my story. I ended a life. Just because the guy wanted to pick a fight, and I decided that I should hold my ground instead of walking away. For no reason at all, really. I was just young and stupid.”

Her hand found its way into his. “I had no idea.”

“You never really know what other people are carrying,” he said softly. “Just try not to judge yourself too harshly. We all have our own demons. We’re all doing the best we can.”

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