Page 39 of Hot Streak

With anyone else, Jackson might’ve said, You wanna know why it wasn’t more time? It’s ’cause I’m attracted to you. It’s because I couldn’t help who I am, even though I tried so goddamned hard.

But he wasn’t going to bring it up with Connor. Not because he believed Connor would judge. But because it was hard enough already to keep the keep off label firmly affixed to him. Not that Connor finding out he was gay was going to magically make Jackson’s attraction mutual, but he wasn’t willing to take any chances.

“I fucking hate admitting this but . . .I shouldn’t have shook you off,” Connor said slowly. “You just kept wanting me to go that upper corner, and the ump wasn’t giving it to me. It didn’t make any fucking sense to keep trying.”

“So ask,” Jackson said.

Connor’s eyes widened. Like that was just now occurring to him.

“We’re fucking partners, now, and going forward,” Jackson reminded him. “Maybe it seems like I’m making weird ass choices, and maybe I am, but there’s always a reason. So ask me.”

“Okay. Why did you want me to keep going to that corner the ump wouldn’t give me?”

Jackson laughed shortly. “That pissed me off too.”

“Really?” Connor looked surprised.

“If I lost my temper on every asshole umpire, I’d have been back in Asheville ten years ago.”

“Right.” Connor considered this. “So you were challenging him.”

“It was a little petty, yeah.” Jackson could admit this now. “I thought eventually he might give in, if we forced the issue.”

“And if he didn’t? And I walked a shit ton of batters?”

“I wouldn’t have let that happen.”

Connor raised an eyebrow.

“I wouldn’t have. You can hit a spot when you need to. You’d have been fine.”

For a long time, Connor was silent. Jackson hoped he understood what he was really saying. I trust you, and you need to trust me back. Connor’s gaze moved out to the bullpen, where Kevin was throwing to Charlie.

“You’re not catching Kevin today,” Connor observed.

Anyone else might have thought he was changing the subject, but Jackson understood what Connor was really asking.

Why’re you here and not out there, catching Kevin, when you’ve been helpin’ straighten him out?

“No. Not today. Charlie’s his regular catcher. He needs to find that control, that balance, with him. Not just with me.” Jackson paused. “Besides, I wanted to make it clear where I’m meant to be.”

Here. With you. Even if you don’t want me to be. Even if it makes you hate me.

“Ah,” Connor said.

“You want to throw any? Work off some of that rust? I know Andy said you could, if you wanted. That it was up to you.”

Connor shrugged.

“Come on,” Jackson said, patting him on the shoulder. “It’ll be good for you. Better than sitting here, sulking.”

“Why do you think I’m sulking?” Connor frowned.

“You’ve been quiet and not just ignoring me, but avoiding me.” Jackson hated how he was the one who sounded like a petulant child. You shut me out and I hated it, thanks.

“And of course it’s all about you,” Connor snarked back.

“Isn’t it?”

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