Page 144 of Hot Streak

“What? Of course I was—”

But Jackson interrupted him. “I mean, I didn’t know if you’d be coming back to me.”

Connor tensed against him. “You thought I was going to ghost you.”

“I didn’t know. I didn’t want to believe it. But you acted so strange last night, and it was the opposite of what I was expecting.” Jackson took a deep breath. He didn’t think this was going to be enough to drive Connor away, but the truth was humbling. Eye-opening. Maybe he wasn’t the great man Connor had built up in his head this whole time. Maybe was just a man. “I thought maybe you found someone else to scratch that itch, after your last game.”

“I told you, the only dick I wanted was yours,” Connor said, and he sounded annoyed rather than hurt. Jackson didn’t know if that was better or worse.

“Didn’t have to be a dick,” Jackson said quietly.

Connor turned his head. “I didn’t say it until tonight, but you had to know it, that I loved you. I thought it was obvious. And I couldn’t love you and just fuck around with anyone. You know that, right?”

“Yeah,” Jackson said, arm tightening around Connor’s shoulders.

“You didn’t even have to tell me that,” Connor said, breaking the silence a few minutes later. “You didn’t even have to go there.”

“No.” Jackson sighed. Turned so he could look right into Connor’s eyes, so he could see his own, see the sincerity written across his face. “But how are we gonna do this, really do this, if we aren’t honest with each other? We’re gonna have moments of doubt. But if we hide it, if we don’t come clean . . .”

“How are we ever gonna last?” Connor finished his sentence. “Yeah. I know. It’s why I hugged you like that, in front of the guys tonight. We’re never gonna make it hiding from everyone, even people we like and trust.”

Jackson had definitely not always felt that way. Of course, after the Davy situation had blown up in his face, he’d been against any hookup that had a chance to last more than a night. But he’d certainly not wanted anyone to know about them. Even if they didn’t stick.

But God, he wanted Connor to stick more than he wanted to breathe.

“I had an interesting conversation with Andy while you were gone, actually,” Jackson said. “Uh . . .well, gist of it is that it might not be my fault I didn’t stay in the majors.”

“Told you so,” Connor said sweetly, punching him in the arm lightly.

“And . . .” Jackson hesitated. Wasn’t sure he wanted to even say it out loud. What if it didn’t work out? What if he couldn’t make a living at it? But he hadn’t spent all these years making all these connections and friendships throughout baseball’s major and minor leagues for nothing. He’d already reached out to a few people he knew and had heard positive feedback. There was a market, just like Andy said.

“And what?” Connor asked archly.

“I’m retiring at the end of this season,” Jackson said.

Connor looked shocked. “Are you sure? It’s not because of me, is it? Because of—”

But before Connor could say because of us, Jackson interrupted him. “It’s for a hell of a lot of reasons, but yeah, a little. And there’s nothing wrong with me wanting a life, a real life, after all these years of living half a one. You’ve got places to go, and sometimes I might tag along, and sometimes I might be doing some work of my own.”

“You’re not only welcome to be wherever I am, but encouraged, okay?” Connor reassured him.

Jackson nodded.

“What are you gonna do?”

It had felt right in his own head, right in a way that had surprised him. But he was still taken aback by his own reaction to saying it out loud—no, saying it to Connor. “I’m gonna be a pitching and catching consultant. You know, not on one permanent staff, but moving around, where I’m needed. Teachin’ these guys what they need to know.”

Connor’s gaze went undeniably gooey. Probably it looked something like Jackson’s own. “So you’re gonna keep catching me, sometimes, yeah? Not in games, but to practice?”

Jackson nodded. “As often as you want, baby.”

Connor hugged him then, hard and tight.

Chapter 22

Jackson had played a hell of a lot of baseball in his life.

But no stretch of games had ever felt as good and he’d never been so happy as he was during the last home stand of the season.

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