16
BLAIRE
As the final weeks of the year begin, I enter my classroom. Sitting at my desk, I wait to begin class as my students enter. When the classroom clock strikes eight, I notice the empty seat beside Candace.
She sits alone at the table she normally shares with Jaden. I look at her with my brows knitted and my eyes close. She stands and walks toward me, her head bowed.
“What’s wrong, Candace?” I ask.
“I’m not sure. I got this text from Jaden this morning. Here, read it.” She hands me her phone.
I read Jaden’s text;
I’m going to miss a few days this week. I was in a car accident over the weekend.
Outwardly, I keep my composure, handing Candace back her phone. Internally, my mind spins with worry. My heart aches. I can’t show any emotion in class, so I say, “Please let me know if you hear anything more from him.”
“I will, Miss Turner.” Her head falls to her chest as she turns and walks back toward her table.
“Okay, even though Jaden isn’t here, today’s the day we bake and share the lasagna. Candace.” I walk over to her table.
“Yes, ma’am?” Her eyes meet mine.
“I’ll fill in for Jaden and help you today.”
“Thank you, Miss Turner.” She smiles, then slips on her apron.
“Okay, everyone. Are we ready to bake?” I ask, looking around at each team.
All my students nod as they slip their aprons over their heads. I lead them to the back of the classroom, where the ovens are located. Once the pans are in the ovens, the teams begin to make garlic knots to accompany the lasagna.
I stand beside Candace and help her with kneading the dough, rolling it into rolls, then twisting the dough into shapes resembling a knot. Once we’ve made two dozen garlic knots, we place them on baking sheets and slide them into the oven, above the lasagna.
The aroma of garlic fills the room as we all clean up what isn’t needed. After putting everything back in the cabinets, the buzzers sound for the ovens.
There’s a large table which seats twenty. Each place setting is already on the table, waiting for us to sit and enjoy an early lunch.
This dish is my students’ next to the last one before the end of the year. I have a small serving of each one on my plate to taste and to grade.
When everyone has left my classroom, I grasp at my shirt and fall into my chair. I can’t breathe and even though I read the text to Candace from Jaden, I’m not sure I want to breathe anymore. The agony traveling through my body is extreme. The stress builds inside me.
I shouldn’t be this upset. I can be concerned. I do care about my students, all of them.
But he texted her and not you.
“I know,” I say aloud as I sit at my desk. It’s been obvious for months now that Candace and Jaden are an item. I see how she looks at him. How she touches him. How she always waits for him when class ends. I’m happy for them, I really am.
The fuck you are.
I press my palms to my cheeks, then lightly slap myself.
I pack up my briefcase and walk out of the classroom and to my car. I send a text to the university’s administrator, asking her to please cancel my classes for the day.
When I get home, I drop my bag on the sofa. I dig my phone from my purse and text Rae. Her mom takes care of Britney for me on the weeks I have her.
Hey, can you get Britney from your mom and watch her for a few hours tonight? I’ll owe you big time!
Within seconds Rae responds,