Page 46 of Auctioned to the Cowboys

Hearing nothing from Natalie about Molly is a constant pressure at the back of my skull.

Feeling tired to my bones, I perch on the edge of the bathtub and rub my hands over my face.

A disturbance from downstairs breaks my spinning thoughts, so I shut off the tap so that I can hear better.

Clint and Maverick are back. Their voices are raised enough to carry them all the way up to the second floor and through a closed door, but not enough for me to hear them clearly. I need to know what is going on. Silently, I pad out of the bathroom and open my bedroom door, just an inch at a time. Holding my breath, I creep along the landing and down the staircase as swiftly as I can. By this point, their voices have risen to almost crescendo level, and I doubt that they’ll hear me even if I wasn’t trying to conceal my presence. I sit on the bottom step, trying to calm the sinking fear sitting in the pit of my stomach and the guilt of having driven this happy home into a battleground.

“You can blame Mitch’s boys all you like, Jesse, but this isn’t just about what happened out there. Do you really think she’s so stupid she doesn’t realize why she’s here?” Clint shouts.

“This isn’t getting us anywhere,” Maverick says, his voice even. “This morning was tough for us all, and we’ve got to rein in these young men soon, or they’ll start to think they’re here for a holiday.”

“She’s too young, Jesse. Have you ever thought that maybe she doesn’t even want kids? You didn’t pick right, and it’s not fair to expect her to fill the gap in your life at only nineteen. Jesus.” I can’t see Clint, but I can imagine his expression—rage and frustration carefully held behind an impassive mask.

I gasp and press my hand over my mouth. So I was right. Jesse has been trying to get me pregnant. He wants me to carry his child, but he didn’t think it was important to ask me if I want the same thing.

There’s a moment’s silence before the clattering sound of breaking dishware drives me forward instead of away and I’m in time to see Jesse holding Clint around the scruff of his shirt, both wild-eyed with Maverick trying to force his way between them. The scene is one of broken mugs of spilled coffee and three testosterone-fueled men at breaking point.

“Please—” They all turn in unison. Maverick stands aside, and Jesse lets go of Clint, who steps forward to approach me before stopping and standing awkwardly, his shirt twisted and his hair disheveled. A thick silence ensues while my mind spins.

They’re arguing about Jesse’s intentions, but it’s pointless when what he wants is never going to happen. In the beginning, I resented my dad for putting me into the auction and these men for buying me. Only the thoughts of Molly kept all of those feelings at bay. But the longer I’ve been here, the more of a connection I feel with these three lonely cowboys who’ve gone to such lengths to find companionship. The thought of leaving them is crushing, but the thought of staying when my presence is driving such a wedge between them, and their family feels just as wrong.

“I can’t get pregnant,” I blurt. “You can try all you like, but it won’t happen.” I brave a look at Jesse. His bottomless blue eyes are narrowed and unreadable, and his jaw muscles noticeably clench. He inhales deeply but when he breathes out, color rises in his cheeks and his eyes darken. The mood which has settled in the room is thick and heavy, but I still feel safer here than I ever did at my father’s house.

“What do you mean?” Maverick eyes my belly, concern written in the wideness of his eyes. I realize he thinks I’m damaged goods.

“I have a birth control implant,” I confirm.

“Jesse—” Clint’s voice bears a warning tone, but it does nothing to stop Jesse as he lunges forward and reaches for me. Thrown off balance, my instincts take over, and I flinch, braced for violence, but instead of hurting me, he takes my arm, searching for the lump beneath my skin. When he finds what he’s looking for, he blinks, and his shoulders sag, defeated.

“I’m sorry to upset your plans, Jesse, but I’m not ready to get pregnant.” I step back, twisting my fingers together, and I try to find the words I need to explain how I feel. “I’m not ready for the responsibility of a family.”

I could mention Molly and the fact I was a child raising a child, but this isn’t the right time.

Jesse shakes his head. I can tell he wants to argue his point, but something is holding him back.

“I’m too young, and this is too new. I’m not ready.”

“It’s okay.” Maverick holds out a hand to reassure me, and Jesse juts out his jaw in response.

“And—” I hesitate. The next part needs to be said, but all of this is so far outside of my experience. I’ve never been able to advocate for myself, but I need to. “You shouldn’t want to make me go through something so radically life-changing without my consent and agreement.”

My throat burns with tears and embarrassment. I don’t wait around long enough to hear a response. Running away from the confrontation that’s boiling behind Jesse’s tense exterior is the only option. My feet pound against the stairs, and when I’m back in my room, I slam the door, my heart hammering in my ears. I press my back to the cool wood and whisper a silent prayer that Jesse will forgive me. I don’t want what he wants. Am I useless to him now? A burden rather than a blessing.

For all of the conflict happening here, my priority has to be Molly and finding a way to reunite us. Regret rushes through me, stealing my breath and clenching my fists. I should have kept quiet and pretended. I’m getting dragged into the politics of this place where I should have just kept my head down, done what they wanted me to do, and kept the peace. I could have covered up the fact I’m on birth control for months without Jesse assuming.

But surely, being open and honest has to count for something and will show them that it matters to me.

“Just leave her, for God’s sake,” Maverick yells. All the happiness and positivity that usually gives his voice a soft drawl is replaced with fury.

I expect Jesse to come to my room and force more conversation. I know he won’t handle the disappointment well, but Clint and Maverick will want to keep him away for now. I can trust them with that much, I realize.

I sink into my mattress, curl into a ball, and close my eyes.

Sometime later, when I’m calmer, and I’ve turned over every detail of yesterday and today’s events in my mind, my phone starts to ring in the drawer beside my bed.

I reach for it, my heartbeat accelerating immediately. I’ve charged it every night and left it on every day, but so far, it’s remained silent. I glance at the screen before answering it quickly.

“Natalie?”

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