Page 21 of Truly, Madly, Deeply

“Beauty and brains.” Lulu grinned. “Who said they can’t coexist?”

Colin laughed. “Wow. All right.” He sauntered over to the counter, selected a pack of candy, and slapped it down on the counter. “Fine. I’d like to make a purchase.”

Lulu circled the counter. “Ooh, penis-shaped hard candy, nice. That’ll be $5.99.”

Colin whipped out his credit card.

Lulu hissed. “Oof, sorry, we’ve got a ten-dollar credit card minimum.”

“Ten dollars?” Colin scoffed. “That’s ridiculous. And not even legal.”

“Them’s the breaks, dude,” Lulu said. “I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them.”

Colin sighed and grabbed another bag of the same pastel, dick-shaped candy confections.

Lulu beamed. “Lucky for you, we’ve got a buy one, get one free deal happening.”

Colin sighed. “You’re kidding.”

“I’d never kid about BOGO sales,” Lulu said, hand to heart.

Colin rolled his eyes and slapped yet another bag of dick-shaped candy down onto the counter. “Three bags, then.”

Lulu scanned it and hummed. “Oh, no. Did I say buy one, get one free? I meant buy one, get two free.”

“Are you pulling my leg?”

“Do I look like the type of person who would joke about a buy one, get two free sale on cock-shaped candy?”

Colin rapped his credit card against the counter. “This is ridiculous.”

“Pony up the cash, cowboy, or else get the hell out of Dodge,” Lulu said.

Instead of walking out, Colin walked over to the carousel of condoms and grabbed a package of ribbed for her off the hanger, tossing it onto the counter. “How’s that?”

“Wouldn’t you know, we’re running a safe sex savings. A free pack of condoms with every purchase. Your grand total is still... $5.99.”

Colin slumped against the counter. “You’re killing me.”

Lulu grinned, all teeth. “Hop to it, hot stuff. We’re burning daylight here.”

Colin set off into the store like a man on a mission.

“You’re not actually running any BOGO sales, are you?” Truly asked, pretty sure of the answer.

“Do I look new to you?”

Five minutes later, Colin returned, promptly dumping two items onto the counter. “Ring me up, Scotty.”

“A nerd. I dig it. Now, let’s see what we have here.” Lulu started ringing up his items. “We’ve got four packages of novelty penis-shaped hard candies, one package of Trojan condoms, one Happy Rabbit vibrating cock ring”—Colin flushed—“and a four-ounce bottle of Sliquid Swirl Natural Water-Based Lubricant in the flavor”—Lulu squinted at the label—“pink lemonade.” She grinned. “You get down with your bad self.”

The way he flushed from his hairline to his starched collar made Truly’s stomach twist. She refused to investigate the feeling further.

“Your total comes to $115.72 with tax.”

Colin choked. “One hundred and—what happened to buy one, get three free?”

“Aw, shoot.” Lulu shrugged. “Your purchases must not have been applicable after all.”

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