Page 24 of What It Means To Be Found

Was taking some pictures with kids for our social media accounts going to be the rebrand it really needed? No. But whatever.

I had also personally heard Connor say, “It’s not all men” whenever NHL allegations had come up in conversation, so I didn’t really bother to ask for his opinion on anything beyond our professional relationship. Courtney had explained it to me perfectly a few years ago. If you were a man who knew that he had never pressured a woman, you simply wouldn’t feel offended or threatened when women say blanket statements like, “men are trash.” You would be confident enough deep down to know that you did not fall into that category, but also be able to recognize that men are still ninety-nine percent of the perpetrators in sexual assault cases.

I hadn’t thought about the issue too much before that conversation, but that made a lot of sense to me. It stuck.

“Plus,” John spoke up, pulling me from my thoughts, “It would give me a way to show Alonzo what a wonderful parent I’d be.” John wiggled his blonde eyebrows at me and pulled his shoulder-length hair back into a bun. The guy had baby fever the last few years, and his husband was more hesitant (or realistic, however you wanted to look at it) about having children.

“Oh, yeah,” Connor smiled, as if he cared, “Anyways, I’ll reach out to you guys when I have more details.” John nodded and waved before taking off. I had intended to leave as well, but my phone buzzed and I halted my step to pull it out.

Courtney: Why are hockey terms so filthy?

Me: What do you mean?

Courtney: Gong show? Bender? Crease? Poke-check? Third man in?

Me: Lay off the smut.

Courtney: No. But also, gong show. Gong. Show.

“Do you date at all?” Connor’s voice made me glance up from my phone, confusion was evident on my face based on the sheepish smile that showed off his freshly whitened teeth. “I’m not hitting on you. I’m into women. I was just curious.” He eyeballed my phone as it buzzed again in my hand.

Courtney: I have successfully convinced Eloise that it is legitimately called the time-out box.

Courtney: I’m not correcting her. That’s what it’s called now.

Me: Classic.

“You probably don’t have any issue with women,” Connor’s voice reminded me that he was still here for some reason, so I gave him a bored look. “I get it. I can pull a bit myself, though, there is this one girl who has pretty much given me the cold shoulder.” His brows furrowed a little, his eyes distant as he thought about the, I assumed, intelligent woman who blew him off.

I shrugged; It happens. I signed. Connor didn’t know ASL, so he pretended to know what I said and just continued talking.

“We hooked up a while back. It was great, and then she just stopped responding to me. I tried not to worry about it, because it’s not like I don’t have other options.” It took everything in my power to not roll my eyes at him. He had shown me some pictures of women he had slept with, and they all looked half his age. It wasn’t something to brag about, in my mind.

It just made me wonder why he couldn’t seem to date a woman his own age.

“But I just ran into one of her friends recently, and now I can’t get her out of my head,” Connor sighed, crossing his arms as he stared at a point on the wall over my shoulder, “I don’t know. Should I try again?”

I shook my head, and then signed, No for good measure. Connor shrugged.

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Connor patted me on the shoulder, as if he and I were anything other than business associates and said goodbye as he walked over to speak with another one of his clients.

Courtney: You’re still coming on Saturday?

Ah, yes, the beach day. I was one hundred percent going to be there.

Me: I’m planning on it.

Courtney: Great. Could you do me a favor and wear a shirt? I don’t want to give my fiancé a stroke by being in a bikini and having him struggle between ogling me and ogling you.

I smirked as I walked through the facility doors that led to the parking lot, tapping away a reply as I made it to my car again. At first, it was weird to joke about Josh’s crush on my physique so openly, but that was how Courtney was. It was also how Josh was, and after a few jokes and seeing those two together, I knew that there was no chance in hell that Josh was actually interested in me when he had Courtney. The confidence and security they had with each other in their relationship was admirable.

Me: If Josh can’t control his thoughts when he sees too much of my skin, that’s his problem.

Words I had heard Courtney use in reference to other men ogling her at the gym.

Courtney: You know what? Fair.

Courtney: Want to carpool?

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