Page 97 of What It Means To Be Found

I was used to cemeteries at this point in my life, thanks to Eloise.

That thought came off a lot darker than intended, but it was true. It was habitual at this point, how often we made visits to my mother and sister. Though, I was more familiar with the Anaheim cemetery because of those visits.

This was the first time I had visited a grave at the Laguna Hills cemetery, though.

“Whenever you’re ready, Beck,” Adam held his girlfriend against his side, his low words making her nod as she inhaled a shaky breath.

Eloise stepped into my side, and I could hear her sniffling as well. I stood tall, letting my fiancée use me for physical support as our group all stood around the freshly marked grave. The rest of Susan Scott’s friends and family had already paid their respects and left, including Beck’s parents. Their attendance had been a surprise to everyone here, and they had even managed to paste friendly smiles on their faces as they nodded at Beck and Adam.

Beck’s mother had tentatively wandered over to where we stood as Susan’s casket was being lowered into the ground. I wasn’t sure what her mother said to her, but Beck had only squeezed her mother’s hand and nodded before her parents excused themselves.

The seven of us had all lingered, though, just like Susan asked of us.

I had originally planned to wear black because that was how I remembered funerals looking in the past. However, Beck had informed all of us that Susan demanded we not make her funeral a drag. She insisted only bright and happy colors, or colors that brought us all joy, as we said our goodbyes.

Taylor had done their best by wearing a blazer that reminded me of sherbet ice cream, with peaches, pinks, and yellows blended together like a watercolor painting. Their solid orange slacks balanced the look.

Josh and Courtney both wore matching t-shirts with Susan’s face on them. Her face was cross eyed and grinning, her gray hair in a knot, haphazardly tied on top of the old woman’s head. They paired their shirts with casual jeans, and dress shoes.

Their daughter, Susie, wore her favorite t-shirt, one that Beck’s grandmother had gifted her that showed a sparkly unicorn with a rainbow horn on its head. The toddler had her blonde hair in pig-tails and wore a bright pink tutu with white converse sneakers. Her arms were covered in temporary stick-on tattoos of flowers and butterflies and dinosaurs because she decided recently that she wanted art on her body, just like her dad.

Beck wore a simple bright blue blouse, with a black skirt. Adam wore a lime-green button-up with black slacks.

Eloise wore bright pink with a cream-colored skirt, and I wore a mustard button-up shirt with gray slacks, because that was the only colorful dressed-up clothing I had.

“I’m ready,” Beck sighed as she reached into her pocket and pulled out one of two envelopes. We all followed suit and pulled out our own personalized envelopes. Susan knew her time was coming to a natural end and took the time while she was stuck in her hospice bed to write us all personal letters. She instructed Beck that we were not to open these letters until she was settled in the earth, and to start with the first letter addressed to all of us, before we all took turns reading our own out loud.

Beck had opened the first envelope addressed to all of us, and unfolded the paper before she took another breath and started reading, “You all are the most codependent group of adults I had ever met.” Beck paused, before uncontrolled laughter bubbled out of her at the first words Susan had wanted us to read after her passing. We all laughed, though Courtney and Beck laughed the loudest. Even little Susie smiled up at her parents, tugging on her dad’s pants and lifting her hands up, asking to be held. Josh bent down and settled his daughter on his hip, wiping a tear from his eye as he kissed her blonde head in reassurance, before Beck continued.

“I know you all are desperate to hear some words of wisdom from me, even though I’m literally dead, because heaven forbid you let me rest in peace, so I decided to write each of you a letter. Because I’m the best there ever was.” Beck had to pause to laugh again, happy tears streaming down her face as even her boyfriend laughed with his head tilted back, one of his hands covering his mouth in an attempt to control himself. “You can read your letters out loud, or read them to yourself. I don’t give a shit. Just know that I loved each of you as if you were my own, and that even though I’m physically gone, and you’ll miss me shuffling through the townhome, I’ll still be haunting your asses as soon as I figure out how to do that.”

With that, Beck folded that letter up and returned it to its envelope, before opening her own letter and scanning the page with her eyes. We all knew Beck would go first, and we all stood in respectable silence while Beck read her letter silently to herself, letting Adam squeeze her shoulder as he kept his gaze on the ground. Her eyes teared up again, and she wiped at them a few times while a giggle and smile tugged at her mouth.

Adam followed suit, reading his letter to himself but letting Beck read over his shoulder. He chuckled a little bit, before nodding and folding his back up and putting both of their letters in his pocket.

Taylor spoke up after them, “Well, as much as I love standing over Susan’s grave in silence, I’m reading mine out loud.” They cleared their throat as they opened their letter and formally shook it out, as if they were about to announce a royal decree of some kind, “Taylor. There is a hidden suitcase of gold blocks underneath the floorboards of my bedroom.” Taylor laughed as they continued on, “Just kidding, but you considered ripping up my floorboards for a second there, didn’t you? You greedy sonofabitch.”

“Sonofabitch,” Little Susie promptly repeated.

“Fuck.” Josh sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Fuck!” Susie repeated with a grin that reminded me way too much of Courtney. It wouldn’t put it past me if their two-year-old knew she was messing with her dad and simply leaned into it for the comedy of the moment.

“Keep going, T,” Courtney laughed as she held Josh’s hand that wasn’t holding their daughter.

“Thank you for blessing our home with your humor, your kindness, and your badassery. You are my hero,” Taylor’s eyes rimmed red as they took a deep breath to control themselves, “Please keep the rest of these hooligans in check for me while I am gone. And don’t be afraid to knock their heads together now and then.” Taylor’s eyes skimmed the rest of their letter as they decided to read the rest of Susan’s words to themselves, before smiling and folding their letter back up and putting it into the pocket of their blazer.

Courtney opened her letter next, “Court. Thank you for baking blueberry pancakes as often as possible, even though the sugar in those is probably what ended up stopping my heart—Oh my god, Susan!” Laughter erupted from the group again, and Eloise covered her face with her hands, turning her body into my chest, desperately trying to keep her composure together even though Susan seemed to bend over backwards to get us all to laugh together on this day. “You brought my granddaughter out of her shell, and helped her become more confident in herself. Your friendship with Beck is what caused the ripple effect for this group to expand and allow others in. I am so grateful to you because now my granddaughter has the world’s best support system ready to go while I am gone.”

Courtney sniffed while she opened Josh’s letter for him, since his hands were full with little Susie, “Joshua. I am so grateful that I am finally able to share this with you because I have been holding this close to my chest for years now. But your music is ass.”

Eloise and Taylor both snorted their laughter, and even Josh cackled at Susan’s parting burn, “What even is it? I love your acoustic stuff, your voice is beautiful. But then you scream and Kyle randomly bangs his drums, and it ruins the whole vibe. But I guess others like it enough because you’re famous or something. But even with all your fame and celebrity money, I hope my gift to you and your family doesn’t seem as underwhelming as it feels, because the townhome is yours.”

Beck smiled big, as if she and Adam were both waiting for this reveal. To see Courtney’s eyes widen and her jaw drop as she swung her head to look at her best friend. Beck and Adam both nodded, confirming Susan’s letter. Courtney and Josh had moved out just before Courtney gave birth to Susie, and Courtney had been complaining the last couple of years how their condo in Costa Mesa just hadn’t felt right. Josh had been incredibly patient, even going as far as to encourage Courtney and Susie to stay with Beck’s grandmother when he had to go out of town for his music career.

Eloise and I had been living together ever since Courtney and Josh got married. At first, Susan was bitter about everyone “growing up” and “leaving her in the dust” but Taylor and Beck had gone out of their way to visit the elderly woman multiple times a week, sometimes every day. We also had family dinners at the townhome weekly to keep her included and updated in our lives.

“Are you sure?” Courtney asked Beck.

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