Page 77 of What It Means To Be Found

“How did you know it was worth it, though? The risk? Not knowing if it’ll work out in the end or not.” I heard myself whispering the question, exposing a bit of the fear that had made me keep everything with Logan in the dark until now.

I met Adam’s gaze, and it felt knowing, so I glanced down and found myself fidgeting with my glass of water, nervous to meet his eyes. After a moment or two, I finally met his stare again, which was nothing but thoughtful and empathetic.

“At the risk of sounding like every lovesick man in every single one of Beck’s books,” Adam’s voice was lowered a little more too, gentle, understanding, “I wanted to at least experience Beck. To kiss her whenever I wanted, hold her without hesitancy, and be with her in that way. Even if that meant that I might lose her, that we might later on discover that we weren’t compatible and go our separate ways. I would much rather have her, and have to let her go, than never know what it’s like to experience her love at all.”

I sucked my lips in between my teeth, probably making my mouth an unattractive line on my face. But I didn’t care.

Adam had a valid point.

I knew what it was like to have Logan to some degree. Our physical chemistry had always been there, I realized. But then I started to picture the two of us as a real couple. I glanced towards the living room, where Courtney was perched on Josh’s lap. They both confidently and almost mindlessly reached for the other whenever they shared space. Not caring that they were displaying so much PDA in front of others.

I thought about Adam and Beck’s more subtle, but still confident touches. How well Beck fit in Adam’s side when they leaned into each other on the couch.

I already knew I fit well with Logan.

I tried to picture the two of us snuggling in the living room like the others, and it was very, very easy to piece the image together. Going on simple, cheesy dates with Logan. Lying in his bed while he slept after a long day at practice, while I stayed up doing homework for my ASL classes or reading a book.

Going to his hockey games and learning what was happening during them.

I thought about the group’s reactions. Both to us being together, and also to us potentially breaking up.

Who cares? I thought to myself, When has anyone here been anything but supportive?

I released my lips from my teeth, looking back to Adam once he straightened from the countertop and retrieved his beer bottle.

“Logan’s pulling up,” Adam announced as he pocketed his phone that he must have pulled out while I was thinking. He tossed a friendly smile in my direction as everyone else chatted. I felt my heart racing. I wanted this. I had shared a number of special moments with Logan. I had a feeling that he was on board, too, if the way he kept reaching for me whenever we slept in the same bed together meant anything.

I recalled Adam’s comment a few minutes earlier, about how Beck had to kiss him first for the green light to go off in his brain.

I felt adrenaline start to pump in my veins when I made my way back to the living room with everyone. I stood there awkwardly for a second, before marching towards the entryway and throwing open the front door.

“Umm?” I heard Taylor ask behind me. I didn’t bother closing the door. I was a woman on a mission, as I marched down the porch towards where I saw a familiar gray truck parked on the street in front of the townhome. Logan was just closing the driver’s side door before he started walking towards us.

It was amazing how good a simple t-shirt and jeans could look on the man.

Logan was thumbing something on his phone before pocketing the device. His dark eyes glanced over the driveway before landing on me. A private look in his eyes.

My heart fluttered.

Was I really going to do this?

I paused halfway down the driveway while I heard the murmurings and footsteps of our friends, who clearly had followed me outside and sounded like they were lingering on the porch.

Logan halted at the end of the driveway as well, his secretive look turned to one of question. After a second or two of thick silence, due to my hesitant body language and thoughts, Taylor spoke up from behind me.

“You good, Lo?”

I bit my lip, my eyes on Logan.

His brow furrowed a bit, pink touching the edges of his ears at my direct gaze. He glanced briefly at our friends behind me, before meeting my eyes again. The question in his expression started to loosen. I was locked in on every muscle that relaxed in his jaw, his brow, his eyes. His expression slowly morphed from confusion to understanding, and then suddenly anticipation. Pink colored his tanned cheeks more, and his lips parted as he sucked in a breath as I stared at him.

“Lo?” Courtney asked. I didn’t see what she was doing, I barely even registered her voice.

I took a step towards Logan, before pausing again.

What if he doesn’t want this? Me?

Logan’s brows raised a little bit more, and when I glanced to his sides, one of his hands was in his jeans pocket while the other was in a tight fist, the arm hanging loose at his side.

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