Page 73 of What It Means To Be Found

So I wasn’t too upset about Beck stepping in and making it sound like Eloise and I were a couple. In my mind, we pretty much were outside of the fact that we hadn’t discussed it and made it official. Courtney, however, clearly thought it was all a display for Connor’s benefit.

I wasn’t sure how Eloise felt about that whole interaction, but by the way her legs stiffly walked to the car that Josh’s driver had waiting for everyone, I didn’t think she was doing well.

I made it over to my own truck, waving goodbye to Beck and Adam as they followed the rest of the group. Once I was seated in the driver’s seat, I pulled my phone out and sent a text to Eloise.

Me: You okay?

I waited in my seat. We had turned on our ‘read receipts’ for each other, and when I saw that she had read the text a few seconds later, I waited while those three little dots appeared.

Eloise: I’m fine.

Eloise: Thanks for stepping in.

I released a breath of relief because a small part of me was worried that I had overstepped. I didn’t want Eloise to think that she couldn’t handle herself, but I also didn’t think she needed to handle things by herself. I waited in my truck for a while after that. I wanted time to critically think about this situation I was in with Eloise. A year ago, I never would have dreamed that she would even look at me with anything other than disgust.

I was a lucky man.

But was I lucky enough to push for more?

I hadn’t had a serious relationship for the entirety of my adult life, and as a grown man in his thirties, that was more humiliating than I had originally considered. Eloise had dated, both casually and seriously. Would she even be open to giving me a shot? Or did she only want to be casual with me?

A small voice reminded me that Eloise was taking ASL classes online. That she had gone out of her way to learn my primary form of communication. The night I helped her during her period, she even hinted that she was learning for me. She was also stoned during that conversation, so I wasn’t about to hold anything she said under the influence of marijuana against her. Sure, Beck and Susan and some others used ASL too, but Eloise didn’t even tell me that she had an interest in seriously learning the language until after we had slept together.

She wanted to learn.

Eloise was constantly frustrated when she didn’t understand my signs, and was more than willing to ask me questions about the language for her classes.

I thought about this as I drove to the bar. I thought about what it would look like if Eloise did decide to make things official. To define the relationship, or “DTR” as Courtney liked to call it.

I heard loud singing as I stepped out of the truck, but I didn’t pay too much attention to it as I loitered just outside the bar, not seeing the bar itself, but only seeing Eloise’s face.

Her face when she was stoned and curled up in my arms.

Her face when she blushed for me in the bookstore.

Her face when she laughed with me under the bedsheets.

I wanted to talk to Eloise. I wanted her. I never thought I would be at a point where I could both admit that to myself and also consider the reality of that being on the table. Maybe it wasn’t, but I wouldn’t know until I asked her.

Stepping into the bar, the blast of noise made me blink once to refocus on my surroundings. To the far left side, Beck and Adam were chatting with John and his husband, Alonzo. The four of them were clearly deep in their own conversation, and I saw Beck and Alonzo signing animatedly back and forth to each other.

Eloise’s voice sounded across the bar, and my attention was immediately upon her.

Josh and Eloise were on the small karaoke stage near the back.

The memory of Eloise and Josh’s band manager, Kate, singing karaoke in the living room of the townhome a year or so prior came to mind. Eloise’s voice was just as beautiful now as it was then, even though she was laughing throughout the performance.

The two of them were singing “Love Story” by Taylor Swift.

And my team was whistling and shouting and encouraging them, also singing along to the words.

Within seconds, the entire bar filled with mostly men, were all singing along with Eloise and Josh, (who still donned his hat and sunglasses), to the corniest pop song of all time. Bodies of athletes were both jumping and moshing to the beat, making everyone else seated at the bar stools and tables laugh with joy and amusement at the scene.

I found myself grinning too, and didn’t shrug off my teammates as they pulled me into the mosh pit.

This is what Eloise Bane did.

She was sunshine, and filled the room with such whenever she chose to.

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