Page 65 of What It Means To Be Found

He then turned his phone to give to me, and I had to untuck one of my arms from the blanket to grab it. He had written on the notes app for me to read.

I looked online for some ideas on how to help you out. I took a guess on what snacks you liked based on what I remembered you eating whenever food has been around before, and apparently marijuana helps with period cramps. If it doesn’t end up helping you with the pain, it’ll at least help you sleep through it. The Gatorade is to help you stay hydrated.

I stared at him, his phone motionless in my hand.

He stared right back at me, his eyes clearly desperate to flick away and look at something else, but he didn’t. Logan held my gaze, his dark eyes only glancing to his phone once before meeting mine again.

“You…” I felt my lip quiver, and I one hundred percent blamed my sudden rush of emotions on my period, “Courtney told you I was on my period?”

Logan frowned before nodding his head and continuing to rub his large hands on the muscles of my calves, before slowly resting over my feet—still through the blanket. His thumbs pressed into the arch of my foot in a painfully pleasant way as he held my gaze.

“And you came here? With all this?” I flicked my gaze to the stash on the coffee table. Logan swallowed once and nodded his head, his gaze finally lowering to his hands as they massaged my feet.

I sniffed, and he immediately lifted his head to look at me, What’s wrong? He asked, signing and mouthing for me. I sniffed again, the heat of tears pricking my eyes as I struggled to get a handle on myself. My gut instinct was to comfort him, to let him know that I was fine. That this wasn’t a big deal, that I dealt with this every month and will for the foreseeable future. But then I realized that I hadn’t ever held back with Logan. I never cared about getting him to like me because I assumed he already didn’t. However, even though I never went out of my way to please Logan in any way, he still liked me.

I didn’t need to mold myself into anything to make him more comfortable.

Why the fuck would I start doing that now, just because we were exploring this relationship between us?

I experienced a bad cramp, my legs naturally twitching towards myself as I breathed through it. Logan’s face looked pained, and he gently rubbed a hand over my thighs as his body arched over me.

“My stomach hurts and it really sucks. Can you give me a gummy?” I asked, my voice small. I didn’t want to think too hard about why he chose to leave our friends at the bar and come to me instead. None of them knew we had sex, except for Beck. None of them knew we liked each other. But he still ditched them and went to the store and showed up here. Because he heard I was on my period.

Logan nodded and opened the package, pulling out a watermelon-flavored sugary circular gummy. I took it from his hands and immediately started chewing.

“How much is in this?” I asked as I swallowed, wincing from the gross marijuana aftertaste it had. Logan lifted the package for me to read, his finger tapping on the product description.

10mg THC, 1mg CBD.

Nice.

“I’m a lightweight,” I explained after he set the package down on the coffee table, “So I’m probably going to be loopy and sleepy soon.” Logan nodded, reaching for the Gatorade, and unscrewing the lid before handing it to me.

I felt my lip wobble as I sniffled again, desperately fighting back the tears in my eyes as I witnessed him caring for me.

Logan frowned and set the Gatorade down after I took a few gulps and leaned over me to gently brush my short hair back out of my face.

“God dammit,” I whispered. He must not be that comfortable. My legs were still over his, and he had to awkwardly reach over my body to stretch his arm far enough to touch my face, “You’re killing me, Logan.”

Logan’s lips twitched, In a good way? He lifted his hands to sign and mouthed for me like he always did. He signed and mouthed his words clearly so I could understand him. Because I still wasn’t fluent in his preferred language. He carried the brunt of the mental load when it came to communicating with me in a way that I could understand him.

And it wasn’t even like we were officially dating or anything.

We were literally just sleeping together.

“I’m sorry,” I felt a tear escape and quickly wiped it away, but it was too late, he saw it. Logan shook his head as a pained expression coated his features. He started digging his arms under my legs and back, scooting me more toward his body as I continued talking through my sniffles, “I promise I’m trying.” I swallowed, unable to remove the lump in my throat. “I’m trying to learn for you. I don’t want this whole thing to be one-sided.”

Logan had successfully shifted me onto his lap, his large arms wrapping around my body so that I was entirely curled up against his chest, my head resting between his neck and shoulder, while he pressed his scarred cheek on the top of my head. His hands held me tight, and his body shifted ever so slightly from side to side as if he were rocking me.

I let a few silent tears fall as I embraced the physical comfort that he was giving me. I didn’t want to think too hard about why Logan showed up tonight. Why he ditched our friends to bring me treats and cuddle with me on the couch. I knew I wasn’t in a proper state of mind to process those questions, so instead I tried to relax in his hold. I closed my eyes and focused on his breathing and his heartbeat against my side as we sat in silence, nothing but the sounds of the TV playing in the dim light.

The silence was comforting. Or maybe it was being completely supported by a large warm body. Regardless, I didn’t bother to pretend to watch the TV, I just sat in his lap as he gently shifted his torso back and forth, and after some time, I felt the gummy start to kick in.

I fucking loved marijuana.

My brain had the slightest tingle to it, like something fuzzy was rubbing against it, and it made my limbs and chest and everything else feel loose and soft.

“You’re so nice,” I found myself whispering into Logan’s chest. “I know I’m probably feeling heavy now, but I’m taking advantage of your niceness.” Logan’s head lifted off of mine to peer down at me, a smirk touching his lips as he shifted me a little in his lap. We both settled again as he lifted his gaze to the TV.

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