Page 61 of What It Means To Be Found

“Was that what damaged your voice?” Eloise asked again, though she sounded nervous to get the words out. She probably didn’t know if this was pushing it or not, but I didn’t want to scare her off.

I never wanted to scare Eloise off ever again.

I would answer whatever she asked of me.

The thought made me pause for half a second before I remembered to actually respond to her question, Yes. Eloise was quiet again, so I decided to keep the conversation going. I pulled my phone out, turning on my phone screen which showed a picture of my little sister, Anna.

I handed the phone to Eloise to look at before she lifted her eyes at me in curiosity. That was the moment that I truly realized how weird it was for a thirty-year-old man to have a picture of a teenage girl on his lock screen.

My little sister, I signed to Eloise. I noticed her eyes widening a fraction, before I continued, She died in the car crash.

Eloise sucked in a breath, before staring at the picture again.

Silence became less suffocating, and calmer before Eloise spoke up, “She looks like Courtney.”

I smirked, nodding my head, Imagine my reaction when Courtney talked to me at the gym the first time. I thought I was being haunted.

It took me mouthing my words at Eloise with my signs for her to understand before a soft giggle escaped her lips at my sentence.

“Damn, that’s crazy,” Eloise lifted the phone closer to her face as if she was studying every detail of Anna. The picture was her at a restaurant, with two straws up either of her nostrils as she smiled at the camera, her hands clasped calmly on the table as if nothing was sticking out of her face. I loved the picture because it let me constantly remember what Anna looked like, as well as what a total weirdo she was.

“I’m so sorry you lost her,” Eloise handed the phone back to me after one last glance, “And I’m sorry you had to experience the damage and pain you clearly have.” I shrugged again. It sucked, and I had lingering symptoms from the trauma of the event, but I was also making improvements day by day. “Were your parents, okay?”

Ah, she must have assumed the crash happened with my parents in the vehicle too.

I frowned a little before continuing. It took a lot of repetition and extra mouthing on my end, but after stumbling through the story a couple of times, Eloise eventually learned a little bit more about me.

That my mother passed away from breast cancer when I was twelve.

That my father was a deadbeat alcoholic, who barely reacted to the accident and death of his daughter beyond continually skipping town for greater stretches.

That I hadn’t spoken to my father for about five years now, and that he could also be dead for all I knew.

Eloise’s face was crumbled by the time the gist of my life was exposed to her, and I wanted to put her bright smiles back on her face without brushing what I experienced under the rug.

I’m okay now, I signed to her, I am doing better.

Eloise nodded before shifting closer to me. My heart skipped a beat before she opened her arms and wrapped them around my shoulders, her face hiding in the crook of my neck and pulling me tight against her. It was instinct to embrace her back just as tight, and I felt a piece of my core shutter at the comfort that Eloise was willingly offering me.

This little woman had once assaulted me with pie, and now we were both sitting on my bed while she embraced me with no intention other than to provide comfort.

“Thank you for sharing that with me,” Eloise mumbled into my neck. I just nodded, a movement she could probably feel, but I decided to take a deep breath and give her something I didn’t share with anyone else.

“…You’re welcome.” I whispered. Eloise stiffened in my arms. My voice didn’t sound good. It sounded downright scary, and it was almost inaudible to anyone who wasn’t right up against my lips. The whisper was scratchy. I had people in college tell me it sounded like something you would hear in an empty room in a horror movie.

Vocalizing those words created a small burn where the nerve damage in my body had taken the brunt of it, but I’ve experienced that pain before and had anticipated it enough to muscle through it for the moment. I didn’t share my voice with just anyone. Not even Courtney had heard me vocalize before.

Eloise was different.

I wanted her to know she was different.

Eloise pulled back while keeping her arms around my neck, her red rimmed eyes meeting mine before she quickly blinked away tears that were pooling there.

I reached a hand up to cup her cheek and shook my head, I’m sorry, I mouthed, Did I scare you?

“No. No.” Eloise shook her head, her lips pulling up a little bit in a nervous smirk, “I’m…weirdly honored.”

I smiled at her, thumbing away a stray tear that she couldn’t quite blink away.

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