Page 41 of What It Means To Be Found

Oh, I replied, plopping down on the mats next to Courtney. I specifically refused to acknowledge her, even though I could feel her staring at me. She let us sit in silence for a few seconds before breaking it.

“All that she really says about it is that it was terrible,” Courtney added. I gave her a look, unsure of what the look was, but she must have interpreted it as interest because she kept speaking. “She said that she was busy thinking about work the next day as it was happening.” Courtney shrugged. “All I know is that I have had bad sex before, but even then, I have never felt the need to mentally remove myself from the situation and disassociate. Eloise says she consented, but…no woman has that type of reaction to a man unless she is scared of him…that, or perhaps she’s truly just embarrassed and completely regrets it.”

Did she regret what happened between us a couple of weeks ago?

I nodded, not sure how to respond to that. Eloise’s history with my agent was still none of my business, but I hated the situation that Courtney was describing. I couldn’t imagine being intimate with a woman and having her completely check out on me. It would be easy to notice, I figured. I would feel wildly uncomfortable if I was having sex with a woman, and she just…laid there. Staring off into space, thinking about work the next day.

“Apparently she hasn’t hooked up with a guy since, because it was so unenjoyable,” Courtney spoke up again as she stretched her arm across her chest. Then after a few moments of silence, her expression flickered and she raised her eyebrows at me playfully, “…You know where the clit is, right?”

I smirked and glanced up at Courtney, Yes.

“You are positive women haven’t faked it with you before?” Courtney asked again, raising a blonde eyebrow as if it was important for me to know that that was an option.

I have had women fake it with me when I was young and uneducated. It was humiliating. It wasn’t like high school sex education focused on how to help a woman reach orgasm, all it really taught me was that condoms were non-negotiable and where a man was supposed to put it. Since then, the female orgasm was something I had researched thoroughly, and accomplished throughout my twenties. Any asshole who had access to the internet had no excuse for being unable to help a woman reach orgasm.

Women have faked it with me, I admitted, and I have learned the error of my ways. No woman has faked it with me since.

I’d like to think I could tell the difference. Any woman could sound like she was having an orgasm. She could even make it feel like she was having an orgasm, but I learned to look for other things that were significantly more difficult to fake.

The flush that coated Eloise’s skin, for example.

I felt honored to know what she looked like when she climaxed.

Now, I just needed to figure out if I could get the opportunity again.

“Good,” Courtney nodded. “Nothing is worse than being vulnerable with a man, showing the most private parts of yourself to him, and then not getting over that edge.” I nodded in agreement. That wasn’t a problem men generally had when they had sex with women, which resulted in women having to fake orgasms with them just to get it over with.

However, I did not want to somehow get into bed with Eloise, only for her to hate my touch and get lost in her thoughts to disassociate the experience. I didn’t think I could stomach continuing touching her if she ever reacted like that underneath me.

…I decided that it would be worth it to look up additional educational videos online tonight, just to refresh my knowledge should the opportunity arise to see Eloise at her most vulnerable.

“Anyways, want to come?” I wasn’t listening to Courtney again, so I turned to give her a look that let her know that.

“Where is your head tonight?” Courtney shook her head once at me. “We’re going over to Adam and Beck’s tomorrow. Susan won’t be there, because it’ll be too late, but they wanted to have game night since Josh has a break from recording.”

I nodded, Yeah. Send me their address.

Courtney nodded, “I will. Now I just need to convince Eloise to go.”

She doesn’t want to? I asked. Was she avoiding me again?

“She’s been kind of down the last couple of weeks. Her parents are being really annoying I guess, and it’s draining her.” Courtney had volunteered a lot of information about Eloise tonight, and part of me was suspicious at how freely her mouth flowed, but I didn’t want to stop her. I wanted any and all offered information about Eloise.

Sounds like she could use a night out, I offered with a shrug. With me, specifically. Preferably with nobody else around. In bed. Mine or hers. Maybe a bed wasn’t even necessary. Maybe she needed a night out on a couch, on a countertop, or against a wall? Who’s to say, really?

I glanced over at Courtney, who gave me a suspicious smile in return.

“Yeah, it does.”

12

ELOISE

“I think I needed this,” I winced as I spoke, still feeling the residual burn in my throat from the shot Courtney and I had just taken. We showed up at Adam and Beck’s condo a few minutes ago with Josh and Taylor, who immediately encouraged us to take shots with them. The rest of the band wasn’t going to come, so it was just the seven of us.

Seven, because according to Courtney, Logan would be showing up tonight.

I was both excited and terrified to see him.

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