Page 17 of What It Means To Be Found

She was smaller and thinner than other women I usually preferred to hook up with. However, her smaller curves still caught my eye regularly. Especially the night of Courtney and Josh’s engagement party. The dress she wore was a light pink-colored thing that hid nothing about her body. I was an asshole that eyeballed her as much as I could when she wasn’t looking.

She wore this dress that exposed every line and curve of her body, smiling at the guests with what felt like the brightness of the sun. Her shoulder-length blonde hair was perfectly styled down. I was a guy, and I knew that “natural makeup” looks existed, but I would have bet all my money that because I could see her freckles, she wasn’t wearing makeup and her skin was naturally flawless. I knew my attraction to Eloise was unreciprocated, so I let the sleeping dog lie. If I had to control my thoughts around her, that was my own problem and I could deal with it. I could be mature about one-sided attraction and move on.

And for a while, I had.

But…these voice memos from her were insinuating that she wasn’t exactly as indifferent to me as I thought.

I played the last one, just to make myself suffer a little more. “I’m ruined. I can’t come back from this. Am I into grunting, pushy men with communication barriers now?” That was a great question, Eloise. One I’d like an answer to as soon as possible.

I had the feeling she didn’t mean to send these to me. She kept speaking about me as if I was in the third person, and she was clearly a little drunk. But why else would she accidentally send these to me if I wasn’t already on her mind?

Or was I just trying to make this into something I was clearly hopeful for?

I spiraled about the messages for a few hours. I decided not to respond right away and instead went for a jog to ponder the situation. I was already planning on going to the gym with Courtney tomorrow evening before her work week started, and the off-season was starting for me, so I didn’t need to overdo it.

I thought about Eloise for the entirety of the run. I had music playing in my earbuds, an attempt for a small distraction from the curveball she had thrown at me early this morning.

What if she meant what she said?

What if my suspicion was right and she was talking about me? That she thought about me when she was alone with herself at night.

What if…she didn’t exactly want to be alone as she thought about me at night?

The thought of those blue eyes looking at me with anything other than anger or irritation made my heart race irregularly in my chest, and I had to pause and catch my breath, my hands going to my waist as I breathed through my nose and out my mouth.

My phone buzzed against my bicep, where it was securely strapped to my arm for my run. I silenced the call; it was just my annoying agent. He probably had more sponsorship ideas for me, but I was too busy thinking about Eloise Bane to focus on anything work-related during the beginning of the off-season.

Eloise, and her full, light pink lips. And how they would feel.

Eloise, and her cropped light blonde hair that looked delicately soft to the touch.

Eloise and her tattoos that I only knew about because Courtney had mentioned them, but wouldn’t hate to see for myself.

Fuck, I wanted Eloise.

Finally, I gathered some bravery before I decided to head home and typed a message back to her. Nodding my head once, I took off, trying not to think too hard about other various forms of exercise I would be willing to try out with Eloise if she was truly open to it.

5

ELOISE

“Still nothing?” Courtney asked as we walked towards the gym doors.

“Nope. Not a word.” I smiled at my friend, glad to see that my tried-and-true denial approach to the Logan clusterfuck seemed to be working so far.

Courtney rolled her eyes. “I’m still going to find a way to leave you two alone together, in case he wants to take the opportunity to talk to you one-on-one.” I rolled my eyes back at her.

“I doubt he will. Neither of us has said anything since yesterday. I doubt he’d want to turn me down when I randomly show up at the gym with you.” I had decided to go with Courtney to the gym and face Logan simply because my mother pissed me off again. She had told me about the yoga class that Lucy had mentioned before and wanted me to go. Actually, she didn’t even ask if I wanted to go. She just raved about it, sent me the details, and nothing else. As if she expected me to attend.

Not a mention about me moving out.

I was still mad about her rude comments regarding Courtney and thought that a fun way to give my mother the finger would be to gain some muscle mass myself.

So here I was.

Ready for Courtney to teach me her ways, which were really ways that she had learned from Logan.

I was still completely humiliated by the thought of facing him again, but if I was going to pretend that none of my mess-ups had happened, I needed to be okay with being in his presence. That’s what I told myself, anyway.

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