Page 133 of Ask Me Something

Chapter Twenty-Eight

After the cab dropped me off at the airport, I made a beeline for the car rental counter. The last place I wanted to go was back up to New York and ironically, the one place that did appeal to me was home. The drive would be therapeutic, and I’d return to New York when I was ready.

I called my mother briefly, telling her I was on my way home. She didn’t ask why, only told me to drive safely and that she’d see me soon. The tears didn’t start until the halfway point into the six-hour drive from Virginia to coastal Carolina. Eight years. How could he have thought he’d been in love with me that long?

The sound of my phone coming over the car’s Bluetooth startled me. Brian’s number flashed, and it was tempting to answer, but I knew I’d break down if I talked to him again right now.

Giving up after a couple of attempts, he left me a text message.

“Let me know that you’re okay when you get home. Please.”

Unfortunately, it was one more reminder about what a great guy he was and launched me into a fresh round of tears over the fact that I’d never be good enough. I typed back that I was okay and left it at that.

Grateful to have the long drive behind me, I stepped through my parents’ front door, and my mom greeted me immediately with a hug. When her arms came around me, I lost it.

My father, bless his heart, took over while my mom went to go fix some tea. It was her answer for anything troubling.

The big wall of a man took a seat next to me and let me cry it all out on his shoulder. Some fathers might have left a sobbing daughter to her mother, but not my dad. He knew I needed both of them.

Finally, when it subsided, I met the concerned eyes of both my parents and took a deep breath. “I don’t know where to begin.”

My dad patted my hand. “You start wherever you need to, baby girl.”

Over the course of the next twenty minutes, I confessed to the couple dozen panic attacks I’d had over the years, the continued therapy, and my need to avoid confiding in anyone about it. I finished with my humiliation at Kenzie’s graduation party today.

The tears in both their eyes showed me how they felt about not having known any of it.

“Also, you should know that my birth mother died.” I sipped my tea feeling marginally better after telling them everything.

The look that they shared made it obvious they’d already heard the news. More secrets, and yet at this point, it didn’t matter. How hypocritical for me to ask that they confide in me when I’d spent years hiding the shame of my anxiety attacks from the world.

My father cleared his voice and got up to pace the floor. “I’m sorry, Sasha. If we’d known that attorney had a way of contacting you, we would’ve told you sooner that he’d informed us as well. We didn’t want to tell you over the phone.”

I wasn’t even angry at this omission. Considering the way I handled stress, was it any wonder people kept things from me? Sighing, I confided what had happened three years ago with paying for failed rehab and not returning the calls recently.

“Maybe if I’d called him back and had given them money for rehab, she would be getting better instead of—” Another sob broke free as the guilt slammed into me. As much as I’d tried to tell myself she didn’t deserve my money, time, or love, the thought of her dying alone left me devastated.

My big bear of a dad held me like he had when I’d been sixteen and had fallen apart the first time.

Finally, when my eyes had gone dry, my father spoke softly. “She was in a state-run rehab when she passed. She was getting help, but it was too late. It was her heart from years of drug abuse. And you should know, your mother and I, we paid for a private burial. It’s not much, but there’s a headstone in a local cemetery outside of Raleigh.”

I pulled back and searched their faces. “Why did you do that?”

My mom sat beside me and stroked my hair. “We did it in case you ever wanted to go there. Your birth mother had a troubled life that none of us could have ever saved her from, but without her, we wouldn’t have you. She deserved that much from us.”

I hugged her tight. Where on this earth could I have ever found better people? “Thank you.” I sat back and wiped my eyes, slowly getting back to even ground.

My mom hesitated but then got up and walked into the kitchen. She came back with an envelope in her hand. “Her attorney, he gave us this to give to you. When you’re ready.”

“I’ll take it with me, read it when I am. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this lost. I’m not sure where to go from here.”

My father patted my knee. “From the moment I laid eyes on you, I saw a survivor. There’s nothing you can’t conquer if you put your mind to it. You’ve been doing it your whole life. So you take one day at a time.”

I shook my head. “I’m not strong, Daddy. Look at me.”

“You know, you keep telling yourself that, and you may even start to believe it. Do you think people who are strong get there because they’ve never had to handle adversity?”

“I suppose not.”

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