Page 131 of Ask Me Something

Opening the door, I came face to face with Brian. He was about to swipe his card.

His eyes glanced down to my suitcase and back up to my face. “I thought you were going to lie down.”

“I changed my mind. You should be back at Kenzie’s party. I already ruined some of it. She doesn’t need her favorite brother leaving to spoil the rest.” My voice was thick with emotion. It was one more thing I hated about myself at this moment.

He frowned. “She doesn’t even know it happened. Everyone else there thinks I screwed up and you needed a minute. It’s not as bad as you think it was.”

Yeah, right. “I need to go. I have a plane to catch.”

“Sasha, please give me a few minutes.”

I shook my head, feeling the tears. “I can’t.”

He stepped into the room, forcing me to move back. The door closed behind him. “I know I screwed up, but if you’ll give me until Monday to fix—”

Needing some distance, I moved toward the window, holding up my hand when he tried to come closer. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Don’t say that. It does matter. I didn’t want to keep it from you, but there are a lot of variables at the moment we’re working through. It’s bigger than just you or me.”

The explanation didn’t matter at this point. The only thing that did was getting out of here before he asked more questions. “I have to leave.” My voice cracked on the last word.

“Tell me about the panic attacks.”

“No.” My eyes met his, and I took a deep breath, willing myself not to go into another one.

“So you can feel betrayed with my omission about Vanessa, but the fact that you’ve never mentioned your panic attacks before isn’t the same thing?” He ran a hand through his hair, frustrated.

I sucked in my breath. “It’s not the same thing, and you know it.”

“How is it not when I’m ready to call an ambulance because I don’t know what the hell is going on today, only to find out that it wasn’t the first time—Oh, shit—did you have one that day after Jamie came by? Is that what that was?”

The air left my lungs. My secret had not only been on display at Kenzie’s party, but now Brian was putting together the entire truth. Now he’d know that I was incapable of handling any stressors without collapsing into a panic attack. I’d spent the last sixteen years building up an image that had taken less than thirty minutes to implode completely. I moved toward the door.

He grabbed my arm. “You could’ve told me, Sash—”

I truly was on the verge of having another attack. His sympathy was only making it worse. I couldn’t let him see me needing him. “I can’t do this right now. I’m sorry, it’s too much.”

His eyes flashed with pain, and his voice rose. “So when would it be the best time?”

“What?” Why the hell was he getting angry?

“You agreed to be my girlfriend. Agreed to take the next step, and yet you can’t even tell me that you fucking miss me. You can’t tell me for a second that you might have feelings, too.”

“I agreed because you pressured me and—” I immediately regretted my words when I saw the shattered look on his face.

“Right. I’ve pressured you into this whole thing. Into the rules, into sex, into a relationship. All of it.” His voice was thick, and I could see the hurt in his eyes.

Although I didn’t mean it and knew I was making a complete mess of this in the process, I reasoned it might be for the best if he believed that. By his own admission, I couldn’t give him what he wanted. I stood quiet.

“You know what, maybe I did deliberately push you out of your comfort zone and into a relationship. In my defense, though, I did it because I’m in love with you. I’d hoped I could convince you to feel the same.”

“You love me?” I asked incredulously.

He nodded. “For the last eight years.”

My heart sank when I realized what that meant. “You don’t love me, Brian. You don’t even know me.”

He looked like I was talking crazy. “How can you say that?”

---