Page 97 of Without Judgment

He moved closer to me but then stopped, shoving his hands in his jeans, his intense blue eyes locked on mine. “I know I fucked up, and I’m sorry. What I should’ve said that morning in Alabama was how much I appreciated you coming and being there during the most difficult thing I’d ever done. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have followed through. I know I hurt you. And it kills me. I can’t even make excuses. You called me out on my shit about pushing you away. You were right. I panicked, Avery, pure and simple. But I want another chance.”

“To be my friend?” I had to clarify what he was asking.

“Yes.”

“I can’t.”

He closed the distance between us and took my hand. “Why not?”

“Because eventually you’d feel comfortable about casually mentioning you have a date or something. And I’d smile, say that’s great, and secretly want to scratch her eyes out. Jealousy doesn’t suit me, Mason. At all. So, in short, no. Friendship would only be a facade where I pretended I didn’t want more.”

“So you do want more? I thought you said you wanted a fresh start. No boyfriend, no commitment. Just time to do you.”

“I did say that. And you said you didn’t want a relationship. In fact, you freaked the hell out at the mere thought of me living in your city.”

We both stood there, seemingly at a stalemate over things once said. The question was if we were still in the same place we’d been in when saying those things.

He was the first to speak. “There are no other girls.”

“What?”

“Your scenario assumes I’d want to date someone else. I don’t.”

Thump. Thump. His words made my heart begin to beat faster, but what did they really mean?

“Ultimately you needed this? To be on your own?”

“Yes, I did.”

He closed the gap between us, cupping my face. “And do you still?”

“Do I still what?” His touch was scrambling my brain.

“Need to be by yourself.”

“I don’t know.” It was the truth. “I’ve realized it’s not a relationship I was avoiding as much as staying away from the type of relationship I last had. When I’m with someone again, it’ll be with a man who respects my goals and encourages me, not someone who thinks I should drop everything to be with him. I want a partner. I can’t be a mere a convenience, someone who’s out of sight, out of mind.” Like I’d apparently been to Mason over these last few weeks.

He leaned in, a breath away. “You want the truth?” he whispered.

“Always.”

“After the hotel in Alabama, things changed for me. It was more than sex, and I know you felt that shift, too. Until I screwed it up the next morning. But—”

There was a ‘but.’ The question was whether it was a good ‘but’ or a bad ‘but.’

‘But’s were so confusing.

“But what?”

“But there hasn’t been a moment I haven’t been thinking about you. Not a minute I haven’t been hoping you’re achieving everything you set out to do. As for ‘out of sight, out of mind,’ I have a confession which will either piss you off or prove my case.”

“What is it?”

“I’ve been tracking your phone.”

My eyes went wide. “What?”

“At first, it was to make sure you were safe. Then I saw your phone remained in Dallas, and I was completely disappointed you weren’t here in Austin. So disappointed I called your brother to find out for sure.”

---