Page 70 of Without Judgment

CHAPTER TWENTY SIX

Avery

I shouldn’t have been left alone to do the shopping by myself. Because fifteen minutes later, and I’d already filled the cart. Since I never did the food shopping at home, my father preferring our chef do it, I was thoroughly enjoying myself. But I may have gone just a tad overboard. At least I’d done it quickly being that I was motivated to return to the cabin.

Speaking of which, I had everything I could think of except the condoms. After finding them in the aisle with feminine products, I stared at the choices. Shit. There were sizes. And options that included lubrication, colors, and textures. I was way out of my element and decided Mason would need to make this purchase himself.

Merely recalling his talented tongue and fingers made me hot and bothered. I’d had sex in my life. It hadn’t been completely horrible with Edward, except for maybe the first couple of times. But what teenager didn’t have horribly awkward sex? However, I’d never craved it before now. Instead I’d seen it as an expression of emotion and love. I certainly hadn’t ever experienced pure lust.

The drawback, however, was the emotions the activity was stirring up. I’d never had sex without strings. And despite my head attempting to tell my heart not to get attached to Mason, I was afraid my heart wouldn’t listen. It was frustrating. But I had to cut myself some slack. I simply didn’t know any different. For me sex had always been associated with love. It was as if I’d committed it to muscle memory and couldn’t help but go there. This was all the more reason for me to stay away from relationships. It would be way too easy for me to fall back into this familiar pattern.

Besides not falling for Mason, it was important I not even give him an inkling of my warring feelings. He’d made it perfectly clear he wasn’t a relationship guy. But even if he was, I didn’t want to go from one long-term relationship into another. Not when I was serious about starting my independent life anew and fresh.

I rolled into the checkout line and watched a woman who was about my age scan my items. She had long, brown hair, big, brown eyes and a nametag that said ‘Missy.’ She’d given me a half smile but completely lit up once Mason slid beside me.

“Sorry that took so long,” he apologized.

He really was incredibly handsome. I didn’t blame Missy for staring. Or for now blushing in his presence.

“Did you find everything you were looking for today?” she asked.

Mason looked over the groceries and then focused on me. “Good Lord. How much stuff did you get?”

I bristled at this comment in front of the checkout girl. Especially when she laughed at my expense.

“Y’all staying local?” Missy queried.

He was being Mr. Nosy about the bags already in the cart, inspecting the contents. “Yeah. Up near Round Mountain,” he answered Missy and glanced at me. “Avery, did you get ice cream?”

“Uh-huh.” Why did it matter? It was Neapolitan, which meant there were three flavors to choose from.

He simply held my gaze while I tried to figure out why he was making a weird face. It was only ice cream. We’d have it tonight after dinner. Except. Oh, shit. There was no electricity at the cabin. Which meant no freezer. Which made this a total blonde moment. Oops. “Guess we’ll be eating it sooner rather than later.”

He grinned. At least he hadn’t outed me in front of checkout girl, who rattled off the total.

I already had my bills out to pay her before Mason could. Judging from his frown, he wasn’t happy about that.

Meanwhile, Missy was curious enough to ask, “How long y’all been together?” Her gaze darted between us.

This was the point at which I was bound to screw up. Say something way too relationshippy or overshoot the other way and blurt something stupid about us being fuck buddies.

What did non-relationship people say? Did they offer to share? No. No. No. I was already overshooting. Way overshooting because the mere thought of Missy putting her hands on Mason made me want to claw her eyes out. Oh, Lord. Now I was becoming possessive. What was wrong with me? I’d already had an internal dialogue about this not turning into a relationship. Mason wasn’t into that, and under no circumstances should I be looking for one, either.

Why wasn’t Mason answering? It would save me from standing here like a deer in the headlights with this insane pendulum of swinging emotions from I could totally do casual sex to back off my man.

Mason had his own awkward expression on his face. Actually, scratch awkward. He looked straight-up pale. If ever there was any doubt about his true feelings regarding a relationship, it was gone now, killed in the checkout line at the Super Walmart in front of Missy the cashier. Lovely.

“Um, not exactly.” There. I’d said it. Sort of.

She didn’t seem to know what to make of it, which was fine. It wasn’t as if I’d ever see Missy again. “Oh-kay. Here’s your change. Take care now.”

Mason finally spoke as we started walking out. “Did you get ice?”

“I got two bags. We can pick it up on the way out.” He’d taken over pushing the cart. “I didn’t get condoms, though. I hadn’t a clue what kind, size, or level of lubrication you preferred.”

He stopped dead in his tracks. “I’ll be right back.”

At least he hadn’t changed his mind when it came to sex. Yep. Sex remained on the table. Just not stringy sex. Which sounded weird.

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