Page 87 of Without Judgment

“That’s not true.”

“It is. I spent most of my life pushing people away to ensure exactly that. Instead of his mother grieving him, he could’ve been at home, and I would’ve joined mine.”

His words gutted me. “Doesn’t work that way. It’s why bad things happen to good people every day. Although I didn’t know your friend, something tells me he’d feel the same way if he were in your shoes today talking to your father. I know you wonder if your dad would miss you since he has a new family, but I’m convinced he would. He loves you. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have asked you to come see him after you got home. He wouldn’t have signed over the cabin to you because he knew how much it meant to you. And if you had died, I know for certain Trevor would’ve been devastated. And who would have given me a hard time over the last few weeks or taken me away when I’d needed it the most, if you hadn’t been here to do it?”

He leaned back, giving me a half smile. “Are you saying you would’ve missed me, princess?”

“Absolutely.” In that moment I realized something. I might not be ready for another relationship, but I could still give myself permission to have feelings for this man.

He ducked his head back down and took a deep breath. “I don’t know how to beat the guilt.”

“I’m not sure what to say. Maybe just that you should live a life which would make him proud. Continue to honor his memory and believe he wouldn’t want you to feel guilty.”

I wasn’t sure if they were the right words, but I wouldn’t regret saying them if they provided even a sliver of respite from the heavy emotional burden he’d been shouldering.

His head came up, eye level with mine. My hand reached out to the side of his face, and he closed his eyes and leaned into it. Then he scooted towards me, his lips a breath away from mine before he kissed me softly.

I sighed as he moved closer to deepen the kiss, thinking how much I’d missed him over the last week.

But as if a switch had been thrown, the tentative exploration turned carnal in a hurry. In quiet desperation, he ravaged my mouth. Lifting me up, he stretched out his legs beneath me so I was then straddling his lap. While his one hand entangled in my hair, the other searched for my center. Suddenly, he pulled back.

“Why the hell do you have your underwear on in the shower?”

“I wasn’t— I mean, I didn’t want to assume we were having sex. I was trying to be a friend. But now it seems stupid.”

He buried his head in my neck while his body shook.

It took me a moment to realize he was laughing. I couldn’t believe it. “Are you laughing at me?”

He pulled back, grinning, and cupped my face. “With you. I’m laughing with you. Only you could take this moment and make it all better. And in case it isn’t clear, I definitely want to have sex with you.”

He captured my mouth once more, meanwhile wasting no time in sliding off my thong, flicking off my bra, and then inserting two fingers deep inside of my pussy.

“Doing that so quickly makes you the official underwear whisperer.”

His grin was such a contrast to the way he’d looked just minutes earlier. “I have incentive.”

I gasped as he curled his fingers up, going straight for my G-spot. Rocking against him, I sensed my orgasm build up quickly. When the first wave hit, he tore his mouth away, biting my ear and growling as I released onto his hand.

His lips shifted back to my mouth, taking my tongue and sucking erotically on it while he lifted me up, lining his cock to my opening.

“Are you on the Pill?”

Wait. What? “Yes, the shot.”

“I’m clean. I’ve never not used a condom before.”

“I was tested after, you know, the cheating.” My gaze met his. I was aware of the significance of this moment. And waiting for him to flinch about this next level of intimacy and trust.

Instead, he didn’t waver. Nibbling on my ear, he said, “I want to be bare with you. Come inside of you.”

I shivered with delicious anticipation. “Yes.” As he eased me down onto him, I groaned.

“Ah, fuck, you feel so good like this.”

His hands settled on my hips, moving me in a rhythm up and down his length, my slickness easing the way for him to take me deep. It felt so intimate to be face to face, wrapped up in one another in our cocoon of the quickly cooling shower.

He leaned back, hitting his head on the wall. Carefully he lifted me up and off of him. After we both stood up, he reached behind me to shut off the water. Then we stepped out of the tub, and he immediately picked me up. “Wrap your legs around me.”

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