Page 98 of Without Apology

He sighed. “I know you’re angry.”

“Yes. I am. But mostly, I’m hurt. Not only did you leave last night in the middle of dinner—evidently thinking I could be stealing—but I find out from Tom that you’re traveling to London on Wednesday?”

I waited a breath for him to tell me I’d misunderstood. That Tom had meant the royal we, but instead, he started with excuses.

“I heard about London for the first time this morning. I haven’t had a chance to talk to Phillip to remind him I’m on holiday. As for Friday, you have to believe I never for a moment thought you were stealing. I left so I could keep Tom from going down that idiotic path. You believe that, right?”

I swallowed hard, trying to think of it logically despite my emotions threatening to intervene. “Yes. I believe it. But does that mean you’ll turn down London? Tell your boss no if he insists you go?”

He hesitated. In that beat, I knew he wouldn’t. “My intention is to speak Phillip, but he may not understand.”

“He’s not the only one.”

“Peyton, please. I acknowledge I haven’t exactly had the best track record, but I promise—”

I cut him off. “Don’t. Don’t make promises you and I both know you may not be able to keep. It’s not fair to me, but it’s also not fair to you. You think I didn’t see how stressed out you were last night once you received the call? That I wasn’t aware it was the reason you excused yourself to the restroom? It’s the classic move. One my dad perfected over the years.” I stopped trying to rein in my unresolved feelings over my father putting work first.

Simon’s blue eyes locked on mine. “There are many things last night I wish I could’ve told you.” He cursed under his breath and then appeared resigned. “It was an impossible choice. And I thought you understood I wouldn’t have left if I didn’t have to.”

The elevator doors opened, and he walked me all the way to my car before I spoke again. “I lied about understanding. Not only to you, but to myself.”

“What if George had called you last night with the same request you got this morning? Could you definitively say you would’ve told him you couldn’t come? We all have to make some sacrifices from time to time. I need a little leeway here. That’s all I’m asking for.”

I hadn’t expected the flipped argument, and it made sense. When George called this morning, I had instantly made work a priority. But I had my limits. “You’re right. I would’ve come, and I did, but what about our vacation next week? I never would sacrifice that for work. And I think we both know you’re not going to tell Phillip no.”

“Is this about me not being able to apologize?”

It dawned on me that while it was bothersome he had trouble expressing an apology, that wasn’t the crux of the problem. The fact he thought that was the issue made it clear he wasn’t focusing on the right thing.

“No. It’s about you not being able to commit to anything outside of your job. Of course it’s tough when you won’t say you’re sorry for something, but that inability isn’t the real problem.”

He swallowed hard, rocking on his heels and looking defeated. “I need more time to work this out.”

“Simon, I know you’re trying, I do. But at some point, I believe this will eventually make us both miserable. We had a good few weeks. Let’s just leave it at that.”

“You don’t mean that.”

Sadness overwhelmed me. “You and I both knew this would be a long shot when it came to lasting. We’re so opposite.” I didn’t want to be this person putting him in an impossible situation of having to choose. Neither did he want to be made to feel bad for doing his job. Perhaps it was simply a case of incompatibility.

“I’ve never felt this way about a woman before. Ever. Give me a chance.”

It would be easy to ignore the place in my gut that told me he’d try, and I’d let him. But I couldn’t. Because I didn’t want to be the woman who asked him to change and then became disappointed when he didn’t. I couldn’t become my mother.

My voice was thick with emotion. “I don’t think I can do this—” I motioned between us. “—anymore. I don’t know how this can possibly work.” There was no bigger truth than this statement.

He cupped my face and gave me a sad kiss. “Then I’ll have to figure out a way to show you.”

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