Page 38 of Without Apology

“Actually, he enjoyed it a bit too much.”

“I’m sorry. I mean—shit. In talking about it, there I go throwing it out there at the worst possible time. Sorry—fuck, now I did it again.” She clasped a hand over her mouth as if to keep the deluge of apologies from escaping.

I threw my head back with laughter and then watched as she joined in. “You’re trying not to say it again, aren’t you?”

She removed her hand and bit her lip in the adorable way she did when she got nervous. She had a way of making the serious lighter. Of edging sunshine into my darkest places with no effort at all. Perhaps that was I sought in the glimpses I’d had with her. I missed the laughter.

“Jesus. I didn’t realize how I throw it out there so often.”

“Most people do.” I envied how freely she could say the words. For her, they didn’t pull up the shitstorm of emotions they did for me.

“A lot of people don’t mean it.”

“True. The closest I can get is saying I regret something. And I truly do regret putting Jeff’s allegation out there because I didn’t know your father had died.”

She searched my eyes for sincerity and must’ve found it because she took my hand. The simple touch almost undid me and my resolve not to kiss her again. Consequences be damned.

“I regret we’re not on our third date by now.”

I grinned, thinking back to her breakdown of relationship timing. “Is that the magic number?”

“For you, I didn’t think I’d make it past two.”

Breath hissed between my teeth as I willed my erection to go away. I couldn’t remember a time I’d wanted a woman as much as I did her. But I respected her enough not to screw up her future. A job she’d worked hard to get was in my control and shouldn’t be tied to personal feelings.

“Guess I probably shouldn’t have said that. I should go.”

My mind and body warred. My brain recognized it would be best for my self-preservation if she did leave, but I didn’t want to listen to the inner voice saying so. “I don’t want you to.”

A sigh of regret passed her lips. “I know, but you need me to. And so do I.”

I waved off her cash. “I have this. Are you okay to drive?”

She stood up, looking steady, but I wasn’t sure about her alcohol tolerance.

“I’m fine. Good night, Simon.”

“Good night, Peyton.” I wanted to kiss her on the cheek or give her a hug, but I knew if I did I’d be lost in her. Instead, I watched her walk out, already missing the warmth she’d brought me simply through conversation.

I sat at the bar and threw back two more whiskeys. When someone took her chair, I almost got my hopes up she’d returned. Then I realized it was Emma.

“I was hoping to see you both gone. Upstairs, to be exact.”

“I wish, but it’s fucking impossible. As much as I’m trying to keep it professional, I don’t know how I’m supposed to remain unbiased at this point when I do interview her for the CFO position.”

It was already a lose-lose proposition. If I promoted Peyton, then it could be argued I did so because I had a personal bias. If I didn’t, the same argument could be applied.

Emma rolled her eyes. “It is crystal clear she’s way more qualified than Jeff. Not only is he a tosser, but he’s not nearly as good with numbers. Russ indicated he had to ask for three different versions of Jeff’s payroll data because he couldn’t format Excel correctly. Nobody but the HR girl he’s currently sleeping with likes him. And that’s a disaster waiting to happen since he’s still hitting on anything else female with a heartbeat. Do you want a CFO who hits on your assistant even while sleeping with a junior staff member?”

I gave her a look. “So much for not having a bias against Jeff, too.”

She laughed. “Since when haven’t I shared my opinions?”

An idea suddenly formed.

“What? What did you think of just now that’s putting that somewhat goofy, weirding-me-out expression on your face?”

“Bias. I couldn’t go to Phillip to say I’d have to opt out of interviewing because of a bias towards Peyton. He’d ask why. Also, if I dropped out of interviewing CFO applicants, Tom would get adamant about an external candidate, or worse, Jeff. But if I say I have a bias regarding Jeff because of information which came to my attention and because he’d hit on you, I can recuse myself from interviewing either of them for CFO.”

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