Page 31 of Undeniably Convenient

I swallow at the thickness in my throat, and when that doesn’t work, I clear my throat and chase it with a gulp of wine, wishing it were something stronger. “I know and I know what I’m asking you for has enormous complications and considerations.” I set my glass down and wipe at my tacky forehead. “And just so you’re aware, because I was an idiot and didn’t tell you this at the start, you can say no and tell me to fuck off and walk right out of here. It will not impact your work or how I view it or you. I mean that. I’m not the monster my ex painted me to be. I’d never ever want you to feel trapped or uncomfortable in any way.”

She sighs, picking at a piece of chicken with her fork before forcing it into her mouth and chewing thoughtfully. She swallows and finishes off her wine, setting the glass down with a light clink. “Bennett, I don’t think you’re a monster, and you can take a breath. I’m not going to sue you or try to get you fired. We’re adults having a conversation outside of work, and I completely understand why you’re asking, me what you’re asking even if it’s the most insane thing anyone has ever asked me.”

I blow out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. “Thank you for that.”

She shakes her head as if she’s nowhere close to done. “You understand having a baby together would put us in each other’s lives forever. This isn’t some temporary arrangement where we have to deal with each other for a year or two. A child is a lifetime of never getting rid of me.”

I go about pouring us each another glass of wine. “I know that. Trust me, I’ve thought of nothing else but this all week.”

Lifting my newly filled glass, I take a sip while I give her time to work through her thoughts. I start eating my tepid dinner, and she does the same with hers. For a few minutes, we’re here, silently eating, though somehow it’s not awkward. It’s as if saying all that to her set me free and I feel lighter, regardless of how it turns out.

After she’s finished, she sets her fork and knife down and closes the lid on her to-go container. “You don’t expect a relationship from me? Like, you don’t want us to get married, right?” she finally asks, her voice gentle, but her firm eyes are on me, watching my reaction closely.

“No. I don’t,” I tell her honestly. “After what my ex put me through, I’m not interested in falling in love or entering into another relationship like that.” I swallow and rub my hand across my forehead. “Is that something you were looking for?”

She shakes her head. “No. I mean, I won’t say that’s not something I eventually want because it is. I want love and marriage and all of that. Zane knocked me down, but I fully intend to get back up again. Just not yet, and not while I’m going through all of this because I think that would confuse things or interfere. I don’t want love or romance to be part of this equation, and I’m not looking for that with you if this is something we end up doing.”

Something we end up doing. Holy shit. “Are you considering this?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know. I have a lot of questions, and I need a lot more information first.”

I try to tamp down my burgeoning excitement. “Ask me anything.”

“What about work? My job and the fellowship?”

“I don’t intend to make any final decisions about the fellowship, and that includes outside applicants, until February, as announcements begin in March. I haven’t even started interviews yet. That said, as I told you before, I will only base the decision on the surgical merits of the candidate and nothing else. As for work, I’d like us to stay completely professional in the hospital and not allow any personal situation between us to interfere there.”

She smiles, liking that answer. “What are your expectations with this? From me?”

My laugh is strained. “I hadn’t gotten that far, Katy. I never even got as far as imagining you sitting here having this conversation with me.”

We stare stoically at each other, precariously suspended in this vibrating energy as endless heartbeats stretch between us. She’s waiting on me, I realize. She has her plan. She knows what she wants from this. What she’s uncertain about is me.

“I think we’d need a contract,” I tell her. “I have some serious trust issues, and I suspect you do too. So a contract is essential to me even though we’re talking about a child, and that’s a fluid thing.”

“I agree.”

This is where it gets tricky, and I hadn’t gotten this far with my thoughts before, but listening to her talk about finding a place to stay and seeing her here in my kitchen… “I might want you to move in here. In fact, I know I would.”

Her eyes go comically wide, and she shoots out of her chair, stumbling to her feet. Shit. I pushed her too far, too fast. Fuck. Her eyes snag on the back door. She’s going to bolt.

I hold up my hand, slowing her down. “Katy?”

She hooks an arm around her waist, staring at me from beneath her lashes, her eyes wild and unblinking.

“You want me to move in with you?”

Blood pumps hot and sticky in my veins with the island separating us, but I’ve come too far to backtrack now, and she might as well know it all at this point. “At least during the pregnancy and maybe the first, I don’t know, six months of the baby’s life.”

“Jesus fuck, Bennett. Are you crazy? You want me to move in here and for us to have a baby together?”

Yes. Without a doubt yes. I wouldn’t be asking this of my resident and risking all that I’m risking if I weren’t.

“I know how this sounds. I know it’s crazy and probably a bit stupid to suggest that. But I want to be there for all of it,” I tell her, gripping the counter so I don’t round the island and grab her. “The pregnancy, the doctor’s appointments, the delivery, the lack of sleep, the midnight feedings—all of it. I don’t want to miss out on any of that, and I’d want to help you as much as I could. I’m not looking to be a weekend dad or to take the kid when it’s convenient for me. I’d be a partner.”

She’s eyeing the back door again. Yeah, she’s about to bolt, so I slow myself down and backpedal a bit.

“I appreciate that might be more than you want, especially from me, but it’s what I’m looking for. Though with a contract comes negotiation, and I’m open to discussing anything and everything with you.”

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