Page 95 of Redeem Me

The walk up to the road seems quick. We’re met by ambulances surrounded by police cars, motorcycles, and Syndicate security.

Natasha goes silent once we reach the ambulance. She occasionally shakes her head. She’s bloody and shaking with cold.

As I grudgingly hand Natasha over to the paramedics, I hear Maks say Roman is in surgery. Suddenly at my side, Elvis explains how Sync is also at the hospital. A few other club guys are getting checked out.

Elvis, Tack, and Maks discuss search teams for the enemy stragglers. I hear something about who might have ordered the hit. After I settle in the ambulance with Natasha, I consider how the police might not be on our side as they escort us to the hospital.

“You kept us warm,” Natasha says as we reach the hospital. “You wrapped yourself around us.”

I stare into her eyes and see someone lost in her head. I don’t know how to be reassuring. I’m not good at lying about shit. I can’t tell her how Petra will be okay. I just hold her hand and mumble about our Key West honeymoon plans.

Natasha offers me a tiny smile before they take her away from me for tests. I stand in the ER, unsure what to do with myself. The staff suggests I move to the waiting room. I’m covered in mud and blood. My presence intimidates the other patients. I want to roar at them how I don’t care what they want.

Instead, I shuffle out the doors, feeling alone in a shitty world. Natasha being alive hasn’t become real. I wouldn’t be surprised if the doctors soon announce she’s died. Just like that, I’m sinking again.

I step out to the waiting room to find the place stuffed with my people. Aunt Fred hurries to my side. She doesn’t care about my muddy clothes. Wrapping me tight in her arms, she praises me for finding Natasha as if I did anything more than yell stupid shit.

“Don’t despair,” Aunt Fred says and cups my face. “She was hiding in the cold. You brought her back to her babies.”

I want to tell her how I wish I’d done things different. If I’d been more fucking careful two years ago, Ollie wouldn’t be dead, Natasha would be my wife, and we wouldn’t have been on the road tonight.

But to express those words, I’d need to rip open my chest and show my heart to a room full of people.

Before I lose control, Siobhan enters the ER and lunges for me. Rather than speak, she sobs in my arms. I hold Siobhan and let her express the same pain I feel.

NATASHA

During the first two tests, I remain calm because I think Bear is at my side. Only when Syndicate security insists on remaining in the room do I realize he’s gone. Was he ever really here? Did he die in the attack?

No, Bear was with me. I remember him whispering for me to stay with him. I heard such pain and fear in his voice. I’d never seen Bear that way before. I didn’t imagine it. He was here, but now he’s gone.

That’s when I start screaming. I don’t know why really. I wanted to scream when the gunfire started and when the SUV flipped over. Then, in the river and when I had to drag Petra and myself to safety.

Once I start screaming, I can’t stop. I think of the driver in the SUV. I imagine my sister’s limp body. I see my children’s faces as I kept them busy while we waited for the cleaning crew. I remember arriving at the hospital to learn Ollie was dead. Screaming won’t fix the pain, but it gives voice to it.

My mother’s voice breaks through the noise. I realize my eyes are closed. I open them to find her face above me. I go silent immediately and stare into her lovely tear-filled eyes.

“We thought we lost you,” she whispers in Czech. “I still can’t believe you’re here.”

“Mommy,” I mumble and begin to cry. “I think I killed Petra. I didn’t know what to do.”

“No, no, she’s alive. You did good, my sweet baby girl.”

“Are you hurt?” I ask, remembering the gunshots. So many bullets, all searching for victims. “I didn’t know what happened.”

“Your father and I are unharmed. Roman was shot. The doctors have him in surgery.”

“Is he going to die?”

“Eventually,” Viktor says suddenly at my other side. “But not now.”

Drained of energy, I go quiet and just watch them. I want to say something reassuring or explain how they raised me right. I only survived because of them. Except I have nothing left in me tonight.

I close my eyes and think about Bear holding Hector in his arms. Jacinda grips his hand. I remember how he showed them how to use the laser pointer to get the cats to chase the red light. The kids were learning to trust Bear. Tonight, I thought we lost our chance to be together. Now, I hold onto those memories as if they alone can save me.

I barely wake when I’m given more tests and my wounds are treated. I open my eyes for only a minute when I’m wiped down. I hear my mother’s voice speaking to the staff. I see how these women caring for me are Syndicate workers rather than hospital ones.

“Am I still having my wedding?” I ask my father at one point. “I don’t want to wait.”

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