Page 129 of Jordan

How am I going to figure this one out? There’s no way he has pregnancy tests lying around his house. And I can’t walk to the store. I can’t ask him to take me to the store. He’ll want to know why and what for. I can’t tell him this because—just because! I’m not fully convinced I’m safe here yet, never mind with a baby. Things with us have been going so well. We’ve been able to talk and spend time together. We laugh and have normal conversations, but we haven’t talked about any serious stuff. I’ve let it all slip away because I’ve been so caught up in how good I’ve felt.

But what about the fact I’m still locked in here? The fact Enzo is still part of the mafia and my life could be in danger? The fact there is still a secret lingering in the air that he refuses to tell me about.

Sure, I knew a child would happen eventually. He said so himself. Even I considered it, because I’ve always wanted kids, and if I’m stuck here anyway… but now? Now?!

Calm down. You’re panicking.

Damn right, I’m panicking!

But why am I panicking?

Is it because I don’t want to have a baby with Enzo? No, that doesn’t feel right. I mean, it’s maybe not the best time, but it’s not that.

It’s the unknown, maybe. All my unanswered questions. The fact I’m only twenty-one and have barely lived.

Yeah, that’s definitely part of it. But most of all, it’s the not knowing what my future holds because I’ve let my guard down and opened the gates to my vagina.

Okay, weird analogy, but it’s true. Those gates opened and now they’re rusted open cause of how damn wet I am all the time.

Okay, another terrible analogy!

Point is, Enzo gets in my pants whenever he wants, and I let him because I like it.

But there is more to life than sex. I mean, this can’t go on forever, right? One, five, ten years from now? There’s no way it’ll stay like this, and then what? Am I still going to be locked in the damn house?

Before things get out of control and I go on another destruction spree that is most likely unexpected since I’ve been behaving so much, I need to figure this out.

Okay, Jordan. Just breathe.

“Breathe. It’s simple. Just breathe.”

I shake my hands out as I keep pacing, taking slow steady breaths.

It’s a simple solution. Before I completely panic, I need to know if I am pregnant or not. That’s what caused all this. I can’t freak out over being pregnant if I don’t know if I am or not. So that’s the plan. Figure it out.

I pick up my phone and call Enzo. He only left a short time ago, so hopefully he isn’t busy yet.

“Everything okay, angel?”

God, his voice is so—no! I’m calling for something important. Shut the damn vagina gates!

“I need to go to the store,” I blurt out.

“Why?” he asks carefully.

“There’s something I need to get.”

“Bernice can get you anything you need.”

“I can’t tell her what it is.”

“Why not?”

“I just can’t.”

He sighs. “No.”

My heart stops, my chest tightens.

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