Page 50 of The Warlock's Trial

She hadn’t just moved on without saying goodbye to me. Lucas had been standing right there, and yet Grammy had gone with another reaper. I saw the pain in my husband’s eyes. He wanted to be there for her, and he didn’t get there soon enough. She’d chosen not to have him help her into the next life, and he didn’t understand why.

“I’m sorry, Lucas,” I whispered. “I know this is hard for you, too.”

His gaze became distant. “She moved on before I even got to the clearing. I could’ve helped her cross over. We could’ve all said goodbye. I don’t know why I couldn’t help her, and why I wasn’t enough.”

“There has to be a reason,” I said. “Perhaps she thought it’d be too much for you, or that we wouldn’t let her go. She may understand things in death that we don’t yet, and it has nothing to do with you.”

“I could’ve helped her, though, and maybe this wouldn’t feel so heavy if I did,” he admitted. “I’m so sick of losing the people I love. I didn’t want to lose her, too. Not so soon. I have to accept that she was ready, and we must honor her wishes.”

“We could hold a séance,” I offered.

Lucas shook his head. “It’s not going to work. Miles and I tried what we could last night, to make sure she’d really crossed over, and she’s already gone. Even if we could summon her, a séance wouldn’t help heal our hearts. Once someone dies, that’s it. They don’t get to come back.”

I missed Grammy so much already, but I was angry at her, too. She knew what power we had, and she could’ve chosen to stay another minute and let us say goodbye. Grammy’s spirit may be gone, but I wasn’t ready to let her go.

Lucas led me back into the living room, where the others were quietly sipping on coffee. He went into the kitchen to prepare us each a cup, but I was magnetized to the patio door. I stared out across the damp lawn, at the entrance to the trail that led to where we’d buried my grandmother.

Quiet whispers filled the room, but I didn’t hear what anyone said as I slid the patio door open and walked across the grass and into the trees. It was drizzling now. My hair was getting wet, and my feet squished in the mud, but I barely noticed. My chest ached as I approached the grave, Isa following at my feet. A crushing weight on my shoulders forced me to my knees, and Isa snuggled against my leg. I wanted to say something, but nothing came out.

I sat in silence for several long minutes, until I heard the sound of light footsteps approaching. Talia knelt in the wet grass at my side, and she wrapped a gentle arm around me. Tears streamed down my cheeks, and I rested my head on her shoulder.

“The first day I met Helena, she couldn’t stop talking about you,” Talia said gently. “You were her shining light, Nadine. You’re the reason that woman’s heart kept beating, until the very end.”

I sniffled and wiped my eyes. “Is that why she died for me? I caused this, Tal.”

“That’s not true, Nadine. Your grandmother loved you very much, and she chose to fight for you. The Executors killed your grandmother, and they’re the only ones to blame.”

“Their spell hit the shield she’d used to protect me,” I insisted. “She wouldn’t have died if I hadn’t gone after her.”

“You don’t know that,” Talia said.

I clutched my stomach, because it felt as if my insides might come spilling out. “I wish I could believe you.”

My conversation with Grammy from the night of my bridal shower weighed heavy on my mind. I’d told her I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, and it had—only that shoe had been a massive fucking boulder, barreling through my life to destroy everything I held dear.

I despised the Executors for casting that spell. They’d taken my grandmother from me, under order from the priestesses. I swore right then and there that the priestesses would pay for what they’d done. I didn’t know how or when, but I was going to destroy every last Executor to get to the priestesses if I had to.

“Grammy died because things were going too well,” I said. “Every time something goes right in my life, something bad has to happen to even the scales.”

Talia shook her head. “Witches don’t believe in that.”

“Don’t they?” I lifted my gaze to hers. “Do we not believe in karma?”

“In a way, but balance isn’t about weighing good and bad. It’s about creating our own energy and guiding the outcome.”

“So if this happened to us, that means we created it,” I reasoned. “When things get good, I’m expecting something bad to happen, so I caused it. Tal, I’m…”

I couldn’t believe I was going to say this out loud. I couldn’t admit it to myself, really, but I couldn’t ignore the ache in my chest telling me this is how I truly felt.

“I’m worried that marrying Lucas was a mistake,” I spat out.

“Your wedding didn’t cause this,” Talia pressed. She seemed so desperate to help, but I was so convinced that I’d gotten Grammy killed, and she couldn’t tell me otherwise.

“How can you be sure?” I asked. “Lucas and I were cursed when we got together. I may have broken the Reaper’s Shadow curse, but being with him feels too good to be true. I’m afraid I never should’ve pursued a relationship with him at all.”

Talia furrowed her brow. “What are you saying? Are you going to annul the marriage?”

“No!” I said quickly. “I love Lucas so much. I would never want to leave him. I’m terrified of the future because time is going to keep moving forward, and I’m not ready to lose another one of you. Things were really good for a moment, and now it feels like there isn’t any point in putting myself back together, because if this is the price I have to pay for happiness, I don’t think I want it.”

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