Page 35 of My Dearest Mackenzie

A tear sprung out of my eye, and I blinked it back.

“We were the best of friends until everything went south with Jimmy. Max, your great-grandpa, blamed me. He said my friendship was bad for Rose, yelled at your mom over the public-school decision, and was convinced it was me influencing Ruth to meet a shegetz. I’d never use that word, ever. I knew it meant a non-Jew, and wasn’t nice to use, but he did anyway, repeatedly, at the top of his lungs. Those words cut me. And worse, he forbid Rose to see me. Obviously, Jimmy was ousted, and one hundred percent not allowed anywhere near Rose. To insure he was out of your grandma’s life, they sent her away.”

Mack sucked in a breath. “I never knew any of this. How is this possible? This all happened after they were spotted on some park bench? I never knew, and Milly…she carried this around all her life?”

Connie nodded. “It was a terrible time. At first, Rose thought she could let sleeping dogs lie and her dad would forget she’d been seen with Jimmy. But only a few days after it happened, she was gone. Poor thing was only eighteen when they exiled her.”

“Do you need a break?” I felt compelled to ask Mack without looking at him. From his profile, I could see his brow go back to being furrowed and his eyes scrunching.

“No. Please go on, Connie.”

“They sent Rose to Philadelphia to live with an aunt and married her off to Harold before bringing both back and working poor Harold to the bone. Harold was a smart one and had connections to build the business. It was all arranged through a matchmaker.”

I saw Mack shaking his head. “I’m sorry.” He uttered the same sentiment he’d said to me several times. “You lost a good friend, and my family acted in a way…not a very nice way, let’s say. I can’t believe this happened. I’m not insinuating you’re making it up, but Milly never spoke of it. My dad never mentioned it. I don’t even know if he knew…”

“It was the way the world was then. Part of me empathized with your great-grandparents after I had my own children. They’d seen the Holocaust and were so worried their culture and customs would be annihilated. But here’s the thing about Jimmy, he would have agreed to anything for Rose.”

“I get that it was a different time, but it’s so far from how Milly was. Despite all this happening to her, she believed in romance. My dad made a mess of his own life and Milly still hoped for me to love whoever I was meant to do that with…”

“You see, Rose had just turned seventeen when she met Jimmy. It was a chance meeting and the two of them made it a point to sneak off as much as they could. When they were spotted, Max was so swift in his ending it all and shipping Rose off. But Jimmy, he hoped she’d come back and they could run off. They always believed in everlasting love, but then she returned with Harold. Poor Jimmy watched the couple from afar, and then your dad was born. That’s when Jimmy left. He met a nice girl from right where we are in Astoria. Your grandmother,” Connie said, nodding at me.

“They moved to Long Island after they were married,” I filled in.

“Of course. I know, sweetie. I kept in touch with Jimmy and Sally a little. Every so often they would come back to Brooklyn to see Jimmy’s parents and I would run into them. Sally had been a secretary at one of the businesses Jimmy called on. Together, they opened a furniture supply store on Long Island. She kept the books, and Jimmy called on the accounts.”

“It’s still in the family. My dad ran it, and now a cousin on my mom’s side is in charge. My sister and I didn’t want to work there.” I felt a tug in my heart. Maybe I should have taken on the family business and not gotten caught up with Jeremy and his grand promises.

Connie filled in the silence. “My husband, Tony, may he rest in peace, never knew Rose or Harold or about Jimmy. I kept it to myself. Tony was an accountant, a good man and dedicated father, but he wasn’t one for gossip or stories. We had five kids, and my daughter, Iris, lives here in Queens. That’s how I came to be here.”

I noticed Connie’s nails were painted and thought her family must take good care of her. Manicures, wheelchair decorations, and balloons—this woman was loved and adored.

“Your grandma would write me letters. That’s how I knew a lot, Mackenzie. She started to write in secret after she and Harold were married, and continued until around the time she passed. She’d send mail, but we never saw one another in person. I think she lived with the fear of losing me again.”

“I-I…” Mack stuttered, and I couldn’t believe what I was witnessing. The staunchest of men had been rendered speechless. “These letters…she seemed to write everyone but me. Only one, when she died.”

“She loved to write. She practiced her handwriting nonstop in middle school—”

“She insisted I learn cursive,” Mack interrupted.

“She told me,” Connie said with a smile. “In one of her letters. In the beginning, she didn’t write too many details. Your dad was a fussy baby, and she was devastated to be pushed to the fringes of Silky as it expanded. But as your dad grew up and settled, and then Susie was born, she wrote more in-depth. It was her outlet. She never said as much, but I could tell. I was the link to a part of her life she’d never have. Keeping me on the fringes, yet still involved, was her sliver of love and freedom. ‘My Dearest Constance, my lifelong friend’ is how she would start every letter.”

“Do you have them?” I couldn’t help but blurt out.

Connie shook her head. “She said at the end of every letter to rip it up and toss it. She always worried Tony would see the letters and alert someone. She didn’t even know Tony but feared anyone knowing where her heart really belonged. With Jimmy. To my knowledge, Harold never knew about Jimmy. It was part of the agreement with the matchmaker. Find a boy from somewhere else who doesn’t know about the shame Rose brought to the family.” Connie tsked. “She lived with such a burden.”

“I’m so glad she had you for all those years. It sounds like it was really meaningful to Rose, and was an outlet she needed.” I tried to comfort Connie as my heart ached for a woman I never met. “How could she love a man as long as she had and never get to hold his hand ever again?”

Connie looked at me with softened eyes. “Rose never was the same when they tore her away from Jimmy. Losing me was hard too, but she found a way to know me and my family through the letters. Her dad always had an eye on Rose after Jimmy. Calling, checking. And when he passed, Rose was so used to living her life in fear of someone knowing her sin. Sadly, she never really loved Harold, but she believed divulging the truth would bring a bad omen on her family.”

“I’m not sure we didn’t have one anyway…a bad omen.” Mack tried to crack a laugh.

“Psssh.” Connie waved her pudgy hand at him. “I know all about your dad and his mistakes. Rose said it was her fault because she didn’t love Jake enough in the beginning. From what I gather, she had a hard time attaching, especially with his fussiness and heart being so messed up. But that wasn’t it. She took care of Jake and later was very supportive and close to him. Harold was a firm one. Work, work, and prayer were his lifelines. He didn’t help Jake in the ‘learning how to form a relationship’ department, and Samantha was Jewish, which was all he cared about. He’d promised Max. Rose poured this all out in a letter around the time your dad proposed to Samantha. When your mom left, Rose wasn’t surprised.”

“My grandmother told me to find my person and hold on to them. In a letter, of course.”

“Well, that’s what you should do, honey. Maybe here with this sweet little Frances.” Connie’s gaze ping-ponged between the two of us.

“Not us,” I said first, and Connie raised an eyebrow over her glasses.

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