Page 28 of Coming Up Roses

Cash

That kissand the subsequent clusterfuck have been on a constant loop in my mind since yesterday. I reverted to my default and drove around for hours, feeling like the scum of the earth for making Myla Rose cry.

I tossed and turned all night, debating whether I should reach out to her, talk to her and let her know that she's not the problem. I finally decide against it . . . it would probably only complicate things more.

Distance—I think distance might be the answer. Distance from her banging body. Distance from her sweet voice. Distance from the tears I caused her to spill. Yeah, distance sounds good—if only I could get my heart on the same page as my brain.

I was up with the sun, still agitated at my behavior from yesterday. I figured hitting the wood shop hard would clear my mind. I figured knocking out a new build would set my soul at ease, but if anything, with every measurement, every cut, every swing of my hammer—I thought of her more.

I made up scenario after scenario of how I could've handled myself better. Who apologizes for kissing someone? Me, apparently. Fucking idiot. And I can't even talk to my best friend about it because he's like a damn brother to her.

Aggravated with myself, I stow my tools and check the time. I've managed to spend the entire day in the shop—sun up to sun down—and didn't even notice time passing. Not to mention, I didn't get a lick of actual work done. I did get a good scrap pile going with all the cuts I botched, though.

Whipping out my phone, I dial my brother and tell him I’m coming by. I’m desperate for a distraction.

Paige answers the door and ushers me inside with a warm smile. She’s one of the nicest people I have ever met—I’m talking sunshine and rainbows. When she and Jake started dating, we all told him that he’d better not let her go. They had a lot of ups and downs, but he finally got his shit together, and they recently celebrated their eighth anniversary.

“Cash! It is so good to see you! The boys sure have been missing their uncle.”

“I’ve been missin’ them too. They still awake?”

“They are,” she says as we make our way through the house. “They heard you on the phone and refused to go to bed without seeing you.”

I kick off my shoes before stepping down into the family room, the shag carpet plush beneath my feet. “BOYS!” I holler, sneaking up on them, their heads just visible over the back of the couch. They squeal at the sound of my voice, and I revel in it. To be the center of that kind of limitless love, there’s nothing else like it.

It’s the kind of love I thought I’d have once Kayla and I started a family of our own. Don’t go there, Cash. Not now, not when your mind’s already a damn mess.

“Uncle Cashmere!” Preston shouts, climbing over the back of the couch and leaping into my arms. “Daddy saids you were coming over!” As much as I want to hate my brother for teaching his kids to call me by that stupid-ass nickname, I just can’t. It’s cute when they say it.

“Yeah! He did, he did!” Lucas exclaims, jumping on the couch like a damn monkey, impatiently waiting for his turn to hug me.

Shifting Preston to my right arm, I scoop Lucas up with my left and walk us all around to the front of the couch, jiggling and shaking them with every step. They’re laughing like hyenas by the time we collapse onto the soft cushions, and I love it.

“Tell Uncle Cash what’s good.” Preston and Lucas immediately launch into telling me every single thing that’s happened since they saw me last.

They are so excited that they’re talking over each other, and I’m not actually catching more than a word here and there.

“Boys, slow down. One at a time,” I tell them as I settle deeper into the couch with them.

Paige and Jake walk into the room just as Preston finishes up telling me about why you don’t junk punch people. “. . . and Lucas nailed him right in the peanuts! He fell over, cryin’ like a baby! It. Was. Awesome!”

“Was not awesome!” Lucas insists with a snarl. “I got in trouble, and it wasn’t even on purposed!”

“Okay, boys, that’s enough,” their mom interjects. “Let’s go—it’s bath time.”

Her decree is met with a chorus of whines and a few but Moms. Paige isn’t having it though. “You heard me—bath time. One . . . two . . .” And just like that, both boys take off.

“What happens if you get to three?” I call out as she follows behind them.

“Wouldn’t know,” she calls back. I just smile. That mom voice gets shit done.

* * *

“So,wanna tell me what you’re doing here?” Jake questions once Paige is out of earshot.

“What? I can’t just come visit?” I feign nonchalance.

“Cash. It’s almost ten o’clock on a school night.” He cocks his head to the side, studying me closely. “So, I’ll ask you again—why’re you here?”

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