Page 12 of Guarded By Them

Dillon threw a cheeky grin to Rue. “I’m sure we’ll be fine.”

I’d bet they would be.

“Sleep well, Rue,” I told her, trying not to experience the avalanche of guilt that was threatening to bury me.

She gave me a small smile. “You, too, Ryan.”

What I’d done was the elephant in the room. We hadn’t mentioned it directly, but it was still there, hovering over us.

We went our separate ways, Dillon and Rue taking one room, and me going with Kodee to the one next door. Kodee unlocked the door and pushed it open. I cast one final glance to the others, and Rue gave me another regretful smile, before vanishing into the other room.

I pushed the door shut behind me and added the security chain. Turning into the room, I let out a sigh. I hated that we had to be apart and it was because of me. The physical pain I was experiencing was bad enough—the constant throb of my stump, and the far more acute sensation of someone stabbing a knife through the top of my non-existent foot—but the ache in my heart was just as bad. Would it always be this way, with me unable to trust myself? How could I keep going when I was capable of hurting the ones I loved the most?

Kodee threw the bag containing our belongings onto a chair in the corner then walked back across the room to stop in front of me.

“I know what you’re thinking.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Do you?”

“Yes. You’re still beating yourself up about what happened with Rue last night.”

I couldn’t look him in the eye. “Can you blame me?”

Kodee wrapped his hand around the back of my neck, forcing my forehead toward his. “You didn’t do it deliberately.”

“It doesn’t matter. I still did it. What happened with your family wasn’t deliberate either, but don’t try to make out as though you don’t blame yourself every day.”

His fingers tightened, digging into my skin. “That’s different.”

“Is it? I don’t think so. It’s not as though you meant for your family to die.”

That had been below the belt.

Kodee snatched his hand away, his full lips thinning.

Why did I want to hurt him when he’d been nothing but good to me? No, I didn’t want to hurt him. I wanted him to hurt me. To punish me.

Kodee stepped forward, brushing past my shoulder as he headed for the door.

“Where the fuck are you going?”

He paused long enough to look back at me. “To join the other two. You clearly don’t want me here.”

That was the exact opposite of what I wanted.

I was like a tongue probing a painful tooth, unable to leave things alone. “You’re being a coward. Not facing up to the truth.”

A muscle twitched in his jaw. “Bullshit. It was an accident.”

“So why are you still letting yourself think that there was something you could have done to change it? Don’t think for a minute that I don’t notice how your body language changes when you offer to drive the car. I know the idea terrifies you.”

“Fuck you, Ryan. This doesn’t have anything to do with you.”

I shoved him in the shoulder. “So, make me stop.”

He spun around, and I caught that glint in his dark eyes.

Game on.

---