Page 62 of Entangled in Them

I had to blurt it out. I knew I wouldn’t be able to think of anything but the photograph every time I saw him. The question would blur my mind to all other thought until I knew the truth. Maybe it wasn’t any of my business—not even maybe, it really wasn’t any of my business—but I still needed to know what kind of man he’d been before.

“I found your picture.”

“What?” His gaze darkened.

“I wasn’t prying or anything, I swear. It must have gotten caught at the back of the drawer, and I found it by accident.”

“The picture of...” He trailed off.

“Of what looks to be your family.”

“They were my family.”

I searched his face for answers, trying to figure out what he meant. “But they’re not anymore? What happened? Did you leave them?”

A flash of anger in his brown eyes. Kodee wasn’t easy to anger, not like Ryan or even Dillon, and I found myself darting back, unsure how to take this version of him. It was my own fault for poking at him. I’d clearly opened an old wound.

“No! I’d never have left them.” His lips tightened, and his Adam’s apple bobbed. “It was a car accident. I was driving.”

Understanding dawned. “Oh, my God, Kodee. I’m so sorry.”

I was moving without giving it thought, crossing the room to be close to him. I placed my hand on his arm, but he went rigid, not wanting my comfort.

“A truck plowed right into the passenger side of the car. It killed them both—my son on impact, and my wife later in the hospital. Somehow, I managed to walk away with barely a scratch.”

My heart tore in two for his pain. “How long ago did this happen?”

“Three years ago. The only thing I can be thankful for is that my wife didn’t wake up at the hospital before she died, so she never experienced the pain of knowing our son was dead. She lived for him. It was like they shared a special bond I couldn’t even begin to understand. I don’t think she’d have been able to go on if she’d known he’d died. It would have broken her.”

“It broke you,” I said.

“I’m a different person than the one I was back then. I had a strait-laced job, happily married, playing ball with my kid on the weekend.”

I was starting to understand. “So, you turned your back on everything you knew and became someone else.”

“I had to. It was the only way I was going to survive it, emotionally and mentally.”

“But...” I didn’t know how to say it without it coming out wrong. “What about you and the guys? You were happily married...”

He shrugged. “I was always interested in men and women. I fell in love with Vanessa. It was that simple.”

“And that’s why you were so hesitant to have another woman in your life.”

He reached up and touched my cheek. “She died. I didn’t. Men are stronger, harder to kill.”

I softened my tone. “If she’d been driving, you would have been the one who’d died. It had nothing to do with what sex you are.”

“Maybe, but there’s no way to know that. And I look at you, Rue, and can’t help but see how fragile you are. How small and delicate. And that frightens me. You can be hurt so easily, and I’m not sure I can go through that kind of loss again.”

“I’m stronger than I look. I’ve been through more than most men would ever be able to cope with, and I’m still standing.”

There was an elephant in the room that neither of us was mentioning. It didn’t matter if I was male or female. He was going to lose me anyway, and I was going to lose him. Not only him, but Ryan and Dillon, too. At least he’d still have them after I was gone, but I’d have no one. My losses felt like a drop in the ocean compared to his—like I was complaining to Ryan about a scratch when he’d lost an entire limb. Our time together was temporary, but, somewhere along the line, I felt as though we’d all lost sight of that.

But I wasn’t his dead wife. I was just a girl who meant nothing to anybody. I wasn’t going to insult the memory of her by even attempting to compare the two. I’d only been in Kodee’s life for barely a week, and that was nothing compared to years of history, and a child.

A heaviness settled in my chest at the thought of being a mother. It wasn’t something I’d ever thought would happen to me, and I doubted I’d have been any good at it, if it had. It wasn’t as though I had any kind of role model to teach me how to parent. Perhaps it was for the best.

“Do Ryan and Dillon know who you used to be?”

---