Page 58 of Out of Office

Those thoughts circled my brain as I entered the global cuisine restaurant where I had agreed to meet my mom.

“I can’t believe you’re not at that general manager conference networking during lunch,” was my mom’s greeting.

“Well, hello to you too, Mama.” I embraced her and sat at the table. I could imagine the striking picture we presented. Her in her crisp black suit with just a hint of pink on the collar. Me with my pencil skirt and structured blouse. Impeccable makeup and hair. Power women in a power lunch.

Your appearance is your best calling card. It was one of Lissette’s mantras and possibly the one that had sunk in the most. Right now, though... I wished we could just be mother and daughter. No armament necessary.

“What? What’s wrong? You know you should be networking,” she insisted while I sat there wishing for the impossible.

“It’s the closing lunch. It was optional. I needed to talk to you.”

“Why? Everything is going well now that that boy has shown he actually has drive. Imagine the power couple you’ll make in a few years!” This had been a recurring message from the moment I told her of Adrián’s past career. I sighed.

“That’s not what I want. I’m sure as fuck that’s not what he wants either.”

“So vulgar. No need to curse, child. Come, let’s order,” Mom commanded as the server approached our table.

I’m not sure what I was expecting of her, but I wanted her advice.

Once the entrees arrived, we settled in to eat; I tried again.

“I asked Ricard to be able to work remotely. If Adrián agrees to the position, I want to have flexibility. She shot me down, and I need advice on approaching it again.”

Mom’s fork slowly clacked against the plate.

“Girl... You asked for what? Were you even in a position of influence when you entered the bargaining table?”

“Well, no, but Ricard told me she wanted change.”

Mom pursed her lips in disappointment. The sight didn’t make feel me the need to prove myself any longer, but it saddened me nonetheless.

“Change for her is moving from all white males in the room to what she’s hired now. That is the extent, and...listen, baby girl. I... I’m proud of you. For pushing the boundaries. And your relationship with that boy, he...he makes you happy, don’t he?” My heart soared at my mother’s capitulation. With shaking hands, I nodded, too moved to do much more than that.

“He does, Mama. He makes me realize there is more to life than the chase.”

Mom’s gaze softened, and she reached out and cupped my cheek. I took a deep breath, enjoying the rare gesture of affection, a balm to cherish for harder days.

“Good. I know you and I have been at odds. I wanted to blame it on that boy, but I’ve been taking stock. I pushed too hard. All I’ve ever wanted is for you to stand on your own two feet.”

My eyes burned as I let my mom’s word wash over me. She hadn’t been that oblivious to our recent rift, and in her own way she was trying to fix it. I breathed a sigh of relief. The tension of many disagreements and conversations ending in disappointment dissolved. Knowing my mother’s past, I’d utilized all my patience to deal with our dynamic, but I was so glad to have her acknowledge it wasn’t sustainable anymore. I loved my mother. No matter how hard she could be, Mom was so important to me and being at odds with her as I started this new path...it hadn’t felt right.

Her silent blessing of my marriage to Adrián mended something I hadn’t realized was broken inside.

“I know, Mama... I know, and I love you.” I didn’t know how we arrived at this place of introspection, but I was so thankful.

“So enough with the mushiness. If you want something, you must approach it from a position of power. Go back and bargain when you figure out what that looks like.”

Now that I had the backing of my mother, you would think things should feel better.

My career woes loomed over me, threatening the balance I was achieving in my personal life with Adrián, and I had no idea how to make it all work. I’d studied to be a career woman, successful, but no one had taught me how to manage the personal side that I now so desperately wanted to master.

With my head in turmoil, the date of our wedding crept up on me, silent and unexpected. I tried not to bemoan the fact that work, life, and everything had prevented me from focusing on what should be the happiest day of my life.

I should have had time to plan, maybe host a little reception in one of the hotels for Anibal’s region, but instead we were doing the bare minimum because of the need for speed. We’d agreed we’d prioritize getting the paperwork, then revisit the conversation about any type of ceremony. It was the logical, mature thing to do. So why did it feel like a gut punch any time we discussed logistics of our wedding day?

The marriage certificate process had been straightforward. Almost too simple.

Anticlimactic.

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