Page 2 of Out of Office

Regret had no place in tonight’s festivities. I approached a smiling banquet server who gave me a cold champagne flute.

“How’s it going, Manny?” I asked him.

“It’s good, Miss Genevieve. I’m so glad you recommended that they open last week and waited until today for the party. It really helped us get ready for all these people!” He gestured around the grand lobby as guests milled about in their cocktail attire.

“That wasn’t just me, though. All of you contributed to the decision. I wish I could just go to my bed, but I have to socialize.” Working the room had never been my forte; I’d trained myself over the years to push through events like this. One of the many things I never considered when I plunged into my career was being an introvert in an industry that required constant networking.

“I hear you, Miss Gen, but you’ll be alright. You know how to turn it on.” Manny winked and melted into the crowd.

“Genevieve! This is a success!” My boss, Anibal Montoya, marched toward me with Anita Johnson, the hotel’s general manager. Working alongside Anita these past four months had been a joy; the powerhouse Afro-Panamanian was the best person to lead the team for such an important project.

“Thanks, Anibal,” I demurred, uncomfortable with the praise.

“I couldn’t have done this without you, my friend.” Anita clinked her glass with mine, and a sense of completion washed over me. Anita looked stunning in a white dress that accentuated her beautiful plus-size body.

“What are you talking about? I couldn’t have done it without you. From day one, I’d nearly tanked this project between my limited Spanish and American ways.” A voice similar to my mother’s whispered in my ear: No one respects a leader who does not see their worth.

“You don’t have to be modest.” Anibal’s dazzling grin and striking good looks stunned me for a second. It didn’t hurt that he looked like a husky linebacker. He still surprised me no matter how long we’d worked together. The man could have been a telenovela actor, the son of a long lineage of Afro-Colombian celebrities, but instead, he’d gone to college for hospitality in Florida and never looked back. He’d been one of my strongest allies and supporters this year.

“She can’t help herself. Hopefully, we’ll soon hear good news from Corporate in Fort Lauderdale.” Anita raised her eyebrow at Anibal, and Anibal’s laugh boomed, making some guests turn back to look at us.

“You’re not subtle at all, are you? Listen, I’d love to have Gen as my colleague. Right now, I have all these hotels under me as they continue the expansion, and it is becoming a lot of work. The only way it’s been possible to keep up is because Ms. Overachiever here is already doing the role, stepping up with the newly opened hotels in the islands and Latin America. Really, I don’t know how she does it, but you know it is not up to me.” Anibal shook his head, making Anita roll her eyes.

“But who better than you? I get it’s the big bosses’ decision, but you have worked with her the longest. You need to be vouching for her,” Anita pressed, and I was grateful, but I didn’t need Anibal feeling forced. I’d done the work, and my name should be the first on the list when that position opened. Anibal’s eyes flashed in challenge, and he opened his mouth, ready to respond.

These two... Anita had been clear with Anibal, when he arrived three days ago, that she wasn’t impressed by overlords who came once a quarter to dictate the goings-on of her hotel. Since then, they’d been at each other’s throats, to the point I worried Anibal would think Anita too direct. However, he’d seemed to relish the encounters and met every opposition with one of his smiles and witty commentary.

“Don’t worry, Anita. I know Anibal is gonna look out for me once they open the position. If I get it, I’ll be the first one of us. Well, first Black woman.” I gestured at Anibal, who nodded. “I’m going to miss working with you every day, though. Who’s going to get me to close my laptop by six?” I asked, attempting to defuse the situation. Anita’s squint turned to me instead. Oh great, I should have kept my mouth closed.

“Six? Wow, Anita, you’re a miracle worker. I can’t get her to log off before eight.” Anibal nodded, impressed.

“That would not fly here. I needed to ensure Gen knew she was in Panamá and we would not accept her workaholic ways. Y’all talk about work-life balance but don’t even know what that means,” Anita said, siding with Anibal.

How did they go from sniping at each other to ganging up on me? Damn.

“And you still slipped off today to work after I’d given everyone a half day. But I couldn’t say much because you’re technically over me.” Anita gave me her signature glare. She should know better. I’d already grown accustomed to her tough love. Besides, I appreciated Anita’s perspective. She embodied the example of someone who valued their personal life as much as their career—a Black leader just like me, who was successful in her own right. Would Anita be equally as successful with her philosophy outside of Panamá? Ugh, here I was, thinking like Mom, judging everything from the lens of overachievement.

At this point, I’d realized my judgment of people’s ambition was a bug instead of a feature, one that I worked hard on minimizing. I had no business expecting everyone to see the world through my eyes. Anita’s vibe had captivated me from day one, and I wouldn’t let the phantom of my mother’s expectations color my perception of Anita’s drive.

It was time to move on.

“Listen here... I didn’t rush to change in my office, to come to be attacked at this event. I could have just stayed, wrapping everything up before my vacation. So, with that, I bid you both adios. I’m going to mingle.” I waltzed away from Anibal and Anita as they both chuckled at my departure.

The dissatisfaction I’d been feeling lately with my career gnawed at me in the oddest moments. Two years, I’d been working hard for the next step in my career, and each month closer to the finish line my doubts popped up more and more. I didn’t want to give my concerns any space tonight. Tonight was all about celebrating more firsts.

An hour of hugs and kisses followed. Damn, I thought Floridians were touchy-feely, but Panamanians won the affectionate Olympics. After a few glasses of champagne, I was ready to call it a night. I searched for Anibal and Anita, but they were both in the middle of an intense conversation with a few other general managers in the area. All my forced extroversion had dissolved away with the alcohol in my system.

Only my quiet apartment could save me now.

Going down the marble stairs of the grand lobby, I held on to the railing, feeling lightheaded and jittery.

A whole two weeks off. And I’d asserted myself to my mother. I really did kill it today.

Now, if only I’d had someone to celebrate my wins with, that would have made this a great day. The rush of displeasure returned, threatening to wash away the joy of the night. I’d never needed someone, never wanted a life partner. Casual companions were enough to fulfill my physical needs and occasional social needs.

Travel and time off had been rewards for a job well done, and I hadn’t reached my next goal, so stopping to indulge seemed counterproductive. The few friends that I had were as career driven as I, and understood what it took to be on this path. Self-care used to feel like self-indulgence until I slowly started taking time to rest, taking a couple of days after a work trip to explore a new city or accepting a few more dates than before.

Lately, a bug of discontent had bitten me, and I didn’t know if I wanted to give it voice and space.

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