Page 65 of Out of Office

“I’m so sorry, I really love all of this, but I have to pack. I... I have to go to Panamá on the first flight out,” I blurted out, donning a self-assured mask. Maybe if I sold it as a done deal, it would be better. It would sound official and inevitable.

Adrián sprang from the couch, still holding the bow over his middle.

“What else aren’t you saying, Preciosa? I can see you thinking a thousand thoughts a second right now,” he said with such tenderness I became undone. He started walking toward our room, which now had less pink and more signs of our life together. Pictures of Aguimar and our travel. Adrián’s books next to mine.

“We have to postpone the wedding,” I whispered as I followed him. The view of his plump ass a consolation prize to being apart for the next few days. At my words, Adrián froze, his ass clenching as he slowly turned on his heel.

“Excuse me. We have to what?” he asked with a sinister calm.

“I... I have to go to Panamá to meet with a potential buyer. Just the type of person you and I dreamed of aligning ourselves with for the Colón project. He is a native of Colón, Costa Arriba. Everything I have researched on him gives me the best of vibes. He now lives in New York but is going back home and requested a meeting. I have to fly in and present things to him first, then to his executive board on Friday. He’s flying them in if he likes the preliminary presentation.” Without wanting to, I said those words poised and collected. The Silent Sniper had entered the chat, leaving Hot Girl, vulnerable lady, and in love Gen aside. I stood tall as Adrián’s gaze flickered from bewilderment to hope to resignation.

“How can Ricard be okay with sending you on our wedding day?”

“Well, it’s something small, isn’t it? Could we postpone? We can ask the court for another date...” I shrugged, but inside, vulnerable Genevieve was raging, pleading for me to let my guard down. But how could I? I needed this job, this was the culmination of all I had accomplished, and I had never had to compromise. Ever.

“Wow...okay. Well, it seems you have made the decision.” Adrián’s shoulders slumped, and he dropped the bow on the floor, leaving me to stand on the threshold of our bedroom feeling bereft.

Was I wrong to go on this trip? I wanted the best for him and for us; this was beyond my job, this would secure the right type of owner for Tropics Colón. I wasn’t naive, no matter how great Tropics was about inclusion, working with the communities where they opened projects, they were a business first and foremost. If I didn’t spearhead this, then who knew what route they would take? The work was important. Damn it, even Adrián depended on it going well.

With that renewed certainty, I stormed farther into the room while Adrián pulled on basketball shorts.

“This is going to secure your future and mine.”

“The only future I want, is one where we get to live our lives, not work ourselves to death.”

“It will get better!” I pleaded, dropping all my poise, showing him all of me again. I wanted to believe it would get better. Wasn’t that the promise? If you worked hard and pushed and persevered then on the other side, you would get the life you always dreamed of? And why had my dream morphed into soft living, with my husband and my family at my side, with travel and a project I was passionate about? Why had the dream of corporate excellence forsaken me?

None of this made sense. And the dream of soft living was a pipe one at best. I had no money in the bank past six months. If I didn’t work hard, none of it would be possible. Why couldn’t Adrián see that?

“Will it? Does Ricard work better hours than you? Does her boss? Preciosa... I will support anything you want. If that is your dream, I get it. I really do, but in order for my dream to also come true, that means one of us would have to take a step back. And I am okay with it being me,” Adrián said; a clang of danger resonated in our room. No matter how gentle we attempted to be with each other, the tension in the room was pervasive.

“Nooo! I don’t want that! You negotiated a hell of a good contract that allowed you to have balance and be able to help your family and us financially. I want to say I could live in squalor with you, but I have to be honest, that is not what I want. I guess what I want is impossible, but...”

“It’s not. I can get another job. Maybe open a transportation company here, something with a couple of drivers, something that allows me flexibility, but I don’t want to jeopardize us. Our time together. My parents...” Adrián’s deep voice trailed off, and I sat beside him on the bed, holding his hands.

“I don’t want this to be the type of marriage where we barely see each other. I couldn’t live like that, and I don’t want to live without you, so...something has to give.”

“Adrián...please,” I begged, but what was I asking him to do? Why did my heart feel like it was crumbling in my chest? We were not saying goodbye, so why did it feel like our marriage felt so much further out of reach than it had just a few hours ago?

“Go to Panamá. If you have time, please go hug Claudia and the family for me, then when you come back, we finish this talk.”

“You were supposed to say yes to Ricard on Friday. I need you to say yes to Ricard on Friday! That’s our plan...it’s the plan...” I pleaded.

“I’m not saying yes, Gen,” Adrián said with a finality that closed the conversation.

The rest of the night, we moved like ghosts around each other, going to bed in silence.

It felt as if something irreparable had broken, and I had no idea how to fix it.

Twenty-Seven

Genevieve

Sand and spikes had taken residence on my eyelids. Sleep had clearly become my enemy. Every honk from the taxi cabs outside irritated me as I waited for the arranged transportation from the Tropics Panamá.

My flight here had been smooth but riddled with emotional triggers. When the flight attendant asked me if someone was joining me, gesturing at the first-class seat next to me, I teared up. Immigration in Panamá was a breeze. When a gentleman approached me as soon as I left the plane and explained he was friends with Adrián, I agreed to follow him. Adrián had set up for me to get VIP service where they took care of all my immigration, customs, and baggage claim transactions and I just had to wait in a well-appointed lounge with snacks and drinks. I sat in the VIP lounge, alternately sobbing and mad at I don’t know what.

I texted Adrián to let him know I had landed well after he asked about my status, and he replied with a heart. The damn man couldn’t even be one of those who got prissy while arguing. He was all, “Did you arrive well, Preciosa?” and “Text me when you’re in the hotel” when all I wanted to do was curl up in a corner and cry.

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