Page 167 of Mr. Wicked

As I glanced up from the plaque, Grayson was looking at me, frozen, with a mug in his hand.

“Jovana ...” He took a breath, and I watched him think of his next words. Silence beating between us, like the wheels of a bike. “I was going to seal it back up and pretend I never saw it, but the hospital called, and I left, and I haven’t been back home.”

Although his voice wasn’t a growl, his statement was raw and emotional.

I couldn’t tell whether he was leaning toward anger.

Hurt.

Sadness.

I just knew that everything inside me was throbbing, and it wasn’t because of the accident.

It was from the guilt.

That I’d been holding.

“You know it was me,” I whispered.

He nodded.

Of course he knew. Why else would Boston College send a plaque, if I hadn’t been the one who had written the article?

“Grayson ...” I pressed a hand against my chest to slow my heart down, hoping the thumping wouldn’t break through my skin. “I’m sorry.” When I sucked in more air, it sounded like a gasp. “I’m so fucking sorry. I was wrong. I shouldn’t have written that article. I was just so hurt and—”

“Answer me one thing.” He leaned his back into the counter. “Were you going to tell me before the wedding?”

My eyes were burning. Like my pupils had been replaced with rocks of lava, I couldn’t stop the drips from rimming my eyelids. “I don’t know.” I glanced down at my hands. “Shit, I honestly don’t know. I wanted to, but I didn’t have the nerve.”

“Why?”

“Because I knew it would make you hate me.” I slowly gazed up at him. His expression made the knot in my throat double in size. It wasn’t a look of shock that stared back at me. It was the look of someone who had anticipated this answer. And that hurt even more. “Because I was afraid that if I told you the truth, I would completely lose you ... and I wasn’t even sure I fully had you in the first place.”

“Jovana—”

“No”—I swallowed—“I have to get this out.” I flattened my hands on the stone, bracing myself for what I should have admitted a long time ago. “We’re in this for twelve months. That’s all that’s been promised to me. Twelve months with the man I’m completely in love with. And after that, you have every right to walk away.”

Why did his stare hurt this badly?

Why did it feel like we were already over?

“Since the moment I fell in love with you, Grayson, that’s what I’ve been terrified of. That this isn’t what you want, that I won’t be enough, that in the end I’ll be left with a shattered heart.” I held up my hand as he attempted to speak. “You told me not to have feelings for you. Not to fall for you. Not to think of the future because there wouldn’t be one. And I realize things between us have changed, that you’ve admitted that you care about me, but is it enough for you to stay married to me?” I shook my head. “I question that ... far too often.” The movement caused the tears to fall past my chin and I wiped them. “I’ve told you, I want the fairy tale. I want what my parents have. I want that kind of love that isn’t based on money or materialistic things or vacations or success or work or even interests. My parents couldn’t be more opposite. But what they have is a love that is deeper than anything I’ve ever seen. I want that with you.” With the wetness passing my lips, I licked it off, immediately tasting the saltiness of my tears. “There have been moments, like today, like in the elevator, like the way you breathed me in, that I think we’re there. That we want the same thing. That your feelings are as strong as mine. And then there are moments that I sense your views on marriage are bigger than us.”

I pushed against my chest again, the pain so deep, but that didn’t stop me.

It didn’t prevent me from opening my heart.

And it didn’t inhibit me from speaking my last piece of truth.

“I can’t handle an end. Not with the way I feel about you. If that’s what’s going to happen after the year is up, then call off the wedding. Break me now before you completely destroy me.” I balled my fingers into a fist. “I’ll give back every dime. I’ll tell my followers I jumped in too quickly and I’ll spin the story so you and Hooked come out on top and I’m at fault. Whatever I have to do, I’ll do it. Just don’t let me walk down the aisle if the groom standing under our beautiful, flowered arch isn’t completely in love with me.”

CHAPTER THIRTY

Grayson

I can’t handle an end. Not with the way I feel about you. If that’s what’s going to happen after the year is up, then call off the wedding. Break me now before you completely destroy me ... Just don’t let me walk down the aisle if the groom standing under our beautiful, flowered arch isn’t completely in love with me.

Jovana’s words had repeated in my head since the moment she’d spoken them.

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