Page 160 of The Influencer

“According to you, we’re not in one.”

I sigh, exhausted. “I don’t want to leave.”

He catches me by the chin and cups one side of my jaw, gently urging me to look up at him. His thumb strokes my cheekbone before resting on my beard. “Maybe you should go spend the night with your brother. That way you can say all the things you don’t want to say to me.”

That’s the thing. I’ve left no stones unturned here. I think that’s why I’m so tired all of a sudden. “I said everything,” I tell him.

“Yeah?”

I nod.

“Well, that wasn’t so bad. Did you mean all of it?”

He doesn’t mean all of it. I know exactly what he means. “You’re asking about the ‘I love you’ thing?”

“Obviously.”

“Yeah,” I mumble.

“Don’t sound so excited about it,” he deadpans, kind of like I just did.

“It’s fucking depressing,” I say.

He gives my cheek another rub, his green eyes shining. “It’s beautiful.”

“You said it makes your bones hurt.”

“Don’t yours?” he asks with a new lightness and the small smile I’ve been sorely missing.

“Right now they do, but it could just be because I’m sitting on the floor.”

“Ah,” Jade sighs softly. “He’s got jokes.”

I put my hand over his and hold it to my face. Closing my eyes, I breathe him in. “Well, now that my boots are on…”

“You’re going?”

“To my brother’s,” I say. “Just for the night.”

I watch him swallow hard, then nod.

“Do you still want a date tomorrow?” he asks.

I nod, leaning into him just a little.

He bridges the distance and plants a soft kiss on my mouth. “Go play with Adam. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I’ll miss you,” I say, and I mean a lot by that. Like… so much.

“I know. Same.”

45

jade

Yes, fine, okay, I was an emotional wreck after Asher left last night, and I’ve been a mess all day. We parted on good terms, and I know I’ll see him later, but I haven’t gone more than an hour without bursting into tears, and by four p.m., I’m convinced that my biggest act of bravery in my whole life, which I used to believe hands-down was moving to Manhattan from rural West Virginia to live as a homeless person, is now letting Asher walk out my door with no guarantee that things between us would ever be the same.

Shaking my hands out to dispel another surge of emotion, I pace my closet, expecting Gideon any minute.

---