Page 134 of The Influencer

“Because he’s too perfect. And because the timing is terrible with the tour coming up. And because I’m not sure he feels the same way. Or even close.”

“Does he know how you feel?”

I nod.

“And what did he have to say about that?”

“That he thinks I’m amazing, and he likes me just the way I am, and he wants me to keep on fucking other men for OnlyFans.”

“What sort of unicorn is this person?”

“I don’t know,” I say. “And I don’t know what to do, either.”

“About what, hun?”

“I’m just not interested in being with anybody else right now,” I admit.

“Well, you know, some of us don’t feel like going into work every day, either. Doesn’t mean we don’t show up.”

Interesting take. “But it’s not just work, is it? It’s sex work.”

“Right, but you’ve made it sound like he knows all about it and is okay with it.”

“He says he is…”

Aven takes my hand out of the bowl and goes to work on trimming back my hideous cuticles. “Has he given you some reason not to trust his word?”

I blink in surprise. That’s it. Trust. Rearing its ugly head again. “He hasn’t. No,” I say.

“So what are you afraid of, then?” they ask.

“A lot, actually.”

“Such as…?”

I take a deep breath and stare at my other hand. “For one, that he’s not very into me and that’s why he doesn’t care who I sleep with.”

“I guess you could see it that way, or you could see it as him being supportive of your life.”

I go to bite my thumbnail but shove the hand between my thighs at the last second. “I think he is meaning to be supportive.”

“Well, that’s beautiful. So what else?”

“What if he freaks out?”

“Freaks out how? Like going all possessive on you?”

If only. “No, not like that, but like—what if it makes him feel like I’ll be okay without him?”

Aven stops what they’re doing and looks at me long and hard. “You will be okay without him.”

“I’m not so sure. Like, this makes me feel like I’m losing him already and I barely have him to begin with.”

“Wow. You really are in love.”

“Never do it,” I advise. “It’s fucking awful.”

“What’s the real problem here, Jade?”

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