“I doubt that,” Asher says.
Prick.
Because he’s right. But how did he know? Am I that obvious?
“I missed you,” I admit, leaning in to my infatuation. “I didn’t know what to do with myself. There. I said it. How does that make you feel?”
“Uh…” his mouth twists as he considers me. “So, I had this kind of epiphany in Seattle.”
There’s a deep, plunging sensation in my stomach, but I play off my rising anxiety with snark. “Do tell.”
“Basically, it’s that I’m dead inside. Does that ring true for you at all?”
“For you?”
Asher nods.
“Sort of,” I say carefully. Especially right now. I wouldn’t have put it exactly like that—more that he’s a hotbed of repression and denial, but sure—dead inside works. If you don’t allow yourself to feel anything, I imagine it’d be easy to mistake that for emotional death.
“Here’s the deal,” he says. “I want to spend time with you. I know you won’t be around forever, and I know you have other dudes on your schedule, and that’s fine—you don’t have to change any of that. But I dig you. I want to be at least one of the guys you fuck. Think you can fit me in?”
“That’s so fucking romantic,” I feign with a hand on my heart.
“Sorry,” he mutters. “Didn’t realize you were looking for romance.”
“I’m not,” I assure him quickly, biting my tongue not to say “unless…”
“Well? What’s your answer then?”
“I’ve heard your offer, but I’m going to tell you what the actual deal is, ’kay?”
He gestures as if to give me the floor. “Have at it.”
“I’m happy to pencil you into the roster, but I also want you here. And I want you to talk to me, not just fuck me. But I want to fuck you, too.”
“That sounds risky…” he sings with a note of warning in his tone, but he’s also smirking.
“I do hate risk.”
“I like it,” he counters.
I feel my face pinching. Fuck, he makes me nervous. Still, I’m trying to make a point here. For both of us. “Then let me sleep in your bed tonight.”
“I assume you mean sleep in the literal sense,” Asher says.
“I do,” I confirm.
“Okay,” he says easily.
“You sure?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Because you were weird about it the last time you slept over.”
“Well, like I said. I’ve had an epiphany since then,” he reminds me. “Now get back over here.”
Hauling me by the arm back to his side, he tucks me in against him, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. I feel him shiver, and it makes me shiver, too.