Page 62 of Late Nights

“But…” He rubbed the back of his neck.

Of course there was a ‘but,’ the hope and heat effectively gone.

“I’m not sure if that is the smartest idea,” he finished.

I swallowed and nodded. “Yeah, right. Not a smart idea.”

We kept standing there, neither one of us making a move to go into the kitchen to start making something to eat.

“Remind me why it’s not a smart idea?” I asked.

He gave me a wry smile. “I have a hard time remembering why when we’re together too.” His face turned serious, looking at me with so much care and concern that it took effort not to lean into him. “I don’t want to hurt you, Demi. I don’t know how to be the guy you need. I don’t know how to be someone who is worthy of you.”

“But why do you get to decide who I choose to be with, who I get to take a risk on?” I tried to keep the annoyance and anger at bay, but I hated that he was treating me like I was too young or naive to understand my own wants and desires, like I wasn’t capable of watching out for myself. “I don’t view you as a risk or as someone not worthy.”

“And that’s the problem,” he said, matching my tone. I evidently hadn’t been able to keep my emotions hidden. “I’m trying to watch out for you. Keep you safe from guys like me.”

Guys like him? Was he serious right now? How was he so blind that he couldn’t see what an amazing guy he was? How sweetly he had treated me over the past few weeks? It wasn’t his job to be my protector.

“You’re not my brother,” I pointed out firmly.

“I know that.” Irritation laced his tone.

“Then stop acting like it,” I yelled.

“I sure as hell wasn’t acting like it when we were on the dock,” he yelled back.

I clenched my jaw, working to breathe through the swirling anger, to keep my voice from rising. “I’m good enough to kiss but not good enough to date?”

His demeanor changed, the frustration leaving him as fast as it had come.

“Demi—”

He reached out, but I stepped back. “No,” I cut him off. “You can keep saying you don’t know how to be in a relationship, but that’s not true. All you have to do is care about someone enough to put them above yourself, to want to spend time with them, to enjoy being with them. What do you think has been going on between us the past three weeks?”

He stared at me like I’d slapped him in the face. The truth was hard to swallow sometimes.

“I…” He struggled for words as he dragged his hand through his hair. “I don’t know what to say…”

“You don’t need to say anything,” I said. “I’m not going to beg someone to want to be with me.”

I turned and headed for the stairs. There was no way I could stay down here and eat dinner with him like everything was fine. The kiss had definitely changed things between us. It just hadn’t changed things in the way I had thought it would.

I woke up the next morning both elated and annoyed about kissing Cannon last night on the dock. Even after our amazing kiss, he had still pushed me away. He’d even told me how incredible the kiss had been. But not incredible enough to tempt him to cross over the line he’d drawn between us.

As I’d lain in my bed last night, I’d tried to reason that Cannon wasn’t emotionally ready to be in a relationship. That it would take time and work on his part to get him to a place where he could feel comfortable taking that risk. Logically it made sense to me, but I still couldn’t help the frustration that followed. It was easy for me to think about us being together, but I knew he didn’t see it that way. And so there was nothing else for me to do but give him the space he claimed he needed. I wouldn’t push him into anything. I’d respect his wishes and go back to being friends only.

We went snowshoeing as a group, and I lagged behind while Cannon stayed up front, leading us along the path. Conversation between the six of us flowed effortlessly during our hike and served as a good distraction from thoughts about Cannon. He and I went easily back to the way our relationship had been before we’d begun sharing an apartment. It bothered me how easily, but that was probably a good thing since after our kiss, Cannon didn’t want a repeat.

Once we returned back to the house, we ate lunch and then packed up our things to head back to the city. It had been a great weekend with friends, and despite the unfortunate incident last night, I was glad I had come. Thankfully, no one seemed to notice how things had shifted between Cannon and me, from last night to today. I almost joined Jax and Kate on the drive home instead of riding in the backseat with Cannon, but I didn’t want to raise suspicion, so I sucked it up and got in the back.

Now that we were pulling up to the apartment building, nerves began to swirl in my belly. Once we were back in the apartment, Cannon and I would have no one left to be a buffer between us. West and Halle would return to her apartment, and I would be left alone with the man who had kissed me in the most unforgettable way. The man who didn’t want to be anything more than friends. Yes, that sounded like a very comfortable place to be.

“Back to reality,” West said as we all climbed the stairs, luggage in hand.

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” Halle groaned. “This weekend was so lovely. I didn’t want it to end.”

“If you thought this weekend was great,” West said to Halle, “just wait until we go there in the summer. Right, guys?” he said, looking at Cannon and me.

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