Page 45 of Late Nights

“I have no idea how I make you feel because you never tell me,” I snapped. “All you say is that we can only be friends, you’re attracted to me, but attraction is all it can be, my brother and dad wouldn’t be happy if something happened between us, you have a past that you think I won’t be able to accept,” I rattled off. “So excuse me if I don’t know how you feel about me because all I ever hear from you are all the reasons why you don’t even want to see what could happen between us.” My chest heaved, and it didn’t have anything to do with having just skiied down the mountain at breakneck speeds.

He ran a hand through his hair, looking down at the ground. “I’m sorry.” He turned his gaze to look around the room as more silence settled around us.

Finally, his eyes landed on me. “I don’t know what I’m doing.” His arms went up at the sides before falling down again. “All I know is that I don’t like it when Gavin is around you. I don’t like it when any guy is around you. I hate watching guys flirt with you at The Bridger and I hate seeing you flirt back. I hated when you and Aiden were dating.” He still seemed frustrated but more at himself now instead of me. “And I know I have no right to tell you who you can flirt with or who you can spend your time with, but…” He stopped, seeming to be lost for words.

“But you do it anyway?” I supplied, folding my arms across my chest. “Tell me this. Do you come to The Bridger during my shifts because of you, or because West asked you to?”

He rubbed his chin, glancing away as if he didn’t want to answer.

He let out a sigh. “I come to The Bridger while you’re working because I want to make sure you’re safe. When West found out I’d always be there, he only said thank you. He never specifically asked me to do it.”

I nodded. “And by making sure I’m safe, is that more to make sure I don’t find someone to date?”

A vein ticked in his jaw. “It’s part of it,” he quietly confessed. “I do genuinely want to make sure you are safe, but I’ll admit I don’t love the idea of you meeting someone.”

I kept my arms folded and gave him a haughty look. “And would you like to tell me why?”

“Not particularly.”

An exasperated sigh escaped my lips. “So even if I straight out ask you questions, you’re not going to open up to me?”

“What good would that do?” The frustration was back in his voice. “It doesn’t matter what the why is. It doesn’t matter that my eyes go straight to you when we’re in the same room. It doesn’t matter that every time I see you, I want to pull you in my arms. It doesn’t matter that I want to kiss you until we both forget our names. It doesn’t matter that I love hearing the sound of your laughter, especially when I’m the one who caused it. It doesn’t matter that I’ve had more fun and been happier than I’ve ever been during the last three weeks living with you than I have in my entire life. It doesn’t matter that I count down the hours every day until we can sit on the couch, talking and playing video games. And it definitely doesn’t matter that I can’t stand the thought of you being with someone else. Because at the end of the day, we can’t be together. I can never be what you deserve or need.”

My arms drop to my sides, and I stand there in shock at his fervent speech. I’d been trying to get him to open up, but I hadn’t expected him to say anything remotely close to what he just said.

Cannon liked me. He had feelings for me.

Yes, he’d admitted to being attracted to me, but his words went beyond that.

I continued to look at him, dumbfounded. “So, it’s more than attraction,” I stated, like I had to make sure I had heard him right, that I wasn’t assuming anything.

He let out a sound that was a mix of exasperation and a chuckle. “Yes, for me it’s more than attraction.”

I stood there, stunned. This was the part in movies and books when the person felt the need to pinch themselves to make sure they weren’t dreaming. “I don’t know what to say.” My mind was still reeling.

He shook his head. “There’s nothing to be said.”

I gave him a look of disbelief. “I feel like something should be said.” Like how I felt exactly the same way about him. Or how I wanted him to stop being so scared and jump with me, already.

“It will only make things harder,” he insisted. “Things are good the way they are.”

That snapped me out of my stupor. “You can’t be serious.”

“I am.” He answered like it was so simple. “Aren’t things good with us?” he pushed.

“Yes, but—”

“No but,” he said, cutting me off. “There’s no need to ruin our friendship for a relationship that will never work.”

His abrupt response had me searching his face to understand why he was so adamant that we’d never work, that we were destined to fail before we even began.

And then I saw it. The fear in his eyes.

He was scared.

Any fight I still had left in me vanished. I might not understand his hesitation or his fear, but I could respect it. There was a lot about Cannon I didn’t know. He’d opened himself up enough to tell me how he felt about me, but there was still so much he was keeping locked away. I didn’t know where his fears came from, but I hoped over time he’d share them with me, that maybe all he needed was time. Time to trust me enough to feel safe with me. I could give him that. Because I had a feeling Cannon was worth the wait.

I nodded slowly. “Okay.”

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