Page 70 of Bears Not Included

The screen goes blank, and it triggers everything inside me. I double over, ready to upend my insides onto the floor. Ready to scream and shout and...

“Faith. Oh god. Faith.”

“Livia,” Callen says.

I wipe my tears before I look at them.

“You did this. He wouldn’t have taken Faith if I were there. You did this. You killed her. You killed her. You’re monsters just like him.”

I take the thing nearest to me, I don’t even know what it is, I just fling it at them.

“You protected me, and I gave him Faith on a platter. I did this to her. I killed her. I should have tried harder to escape, but no, I was a coward. I thought I was falling in love... I killed her. Me and no one else.”

I reach for more things and I keep throwing them. I don’t care what makes contact or not. Death follows me wherever I go. I wasn’t enough to keep my mom alive and I wasn’t there to stop Faith from dying. Both of them are my fault.

“That was supposed to be me,” I cry, exhausted, defeated, and empty.

“If that was you, the world would be on fire.”

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Livia

“I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I wish I had never met you. And if I’m pregnant, and I hope to god I’m not, I will—”

“Don’t,” Deacon says softly but darkly.

“If I’m pregnant, and I hope to god I’m not,” I continue clearly and precisely. “I will throw myself off a balcony.” I mean every word I say. I can’t have a part of them inside me. I can’t even live anymore. I shouldn’t be alive. Faith should be alive.

“I’m leaving, and if you try to stop me, you’re going to have to kill me.”

I can’t say here. I can’t leave Faith alone in a strange place. I have to go and find her. She should be with me.

I wipe my tears and strengthen my resolve. I’m going to hand myself over to Kirill Yenin and then I’m going to kill him. Then I’m going to bring Faith home, and if I don’t get a chance to do that, then I don’t want to be alive.

“You’re not leaving this house, Livia.”

“I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to see you. I want nothing to do with you. Don’t you understand? I never want you to touch me ever again. So let me leave.”

“No.”

“Then you’ll have to kill me.”

“Your safety is the only thing in this whole fucking world that matters to us. You are not leaving this house.” Deacon’s words are as resolute as mine. Except it wasn’t his cousin who was brutally attacked and violated while she was completely helpless and now lifeless.

It should have been me.

I shouldn’t have tried to prove my mom was right about The Three Bears fairytale. I should have just left it in the attic, where Mrs. Rosely had stored it for me. I wouldn’t have been at the cottage. They wouldn’t have found me, and instead, I would do my daughterly duty like I always planned just for a scrap of affection from my father. I would have married the man he picked for me blindly because I’m pathetic that way. And Faith would have been safe. She would be alive. She would be smiling her beautiful smile.

It’s no one’s fault but my own. I turn toward the door, determined to leave this place and walk straight into Kirill Yenin’s domain.

But I don’t get very far. Callen scoops me up and carries me over his shoulder back up to the third-floor bedroom. No amount of kicking or screaming and banging my fists against his back—no matter how hard I sink my teeth into his flesh and scratch his face—he doesn’t react; he doesn’t stop. He’s stone. But they don’t get not to feel what I’m feeling. They don’t get to hide behind their stoicism because they’re better crafted at it.

I want them to feel what I’m feeling.

He deposits me in the bedroom. I attack him again, but all he does is hold me against his strong body. I revolt against the comfort I find there in his arms and push away immediately.

“We’re sorry, Livia,” he says quietly, then leaves. The door locks before I get to it. I bang on the wood with both my fists, over and over and over.

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