I sit still for so long I don't know if I'll be able to stand later. My legs hurt and are beginning to tingle. But I don't want to face this reality. I don't want him to be an alien, and I don't want any of this.
I hear him stand up. "I'm going to the evening meal. This is an Alliance ship. We can only eat when food is served. If you want to eat, I suggest you come with me. Otherwise, there'll be no food again until the morning meal."
"I don't want your alien food."
He doesn't answer me, and after a few minutes of awkward silence, he leaves.
I sit in my corner well after he's gone. The only reason I move is to go to the bathroom. While there, I look at my reflection. I look terrible. There are dark circles under my eyes, and my hair is really greasy. How long was I aboard that other ship?
I look at what must be the shower. There aren't any knobs or buttons, but I can see a place for the water to come out. "Bathroom?" I hazard. Nothing. "Computer?" I don't hear anything, but I keep talking, "Turn on the water."
Immediately, water in the sink runs.
"Turn off the water in the sink and turn on the water in the shower."
The water in the shower turns on. I don't see any soap or shampoo, but even running water over my skin will be an improvement. I have to be fast, though. I don't want Sem to come back and think this is an invitation for something more. I strip off my clothing and go under the water. It's cold. "Computer, increase temperature." I can feel the water get a little warmer, or it might be in my head. I repeat 'increase temperature' many times until the computer says it's reached the maximum level. It's lukewarm at best. Then, suddenly, soap begins coming out of the shower. I don't know if I've broken it, but I lather up the soap all over my body. I can't help but notice this is the same scent Sem has had sometimes, and now I know why. Just when I think the soap won't stop coming, it does, and the water begins to run clear. I stand in the lukewarm water, wondering, What am I going to do?
But in all honesty, I know there's very little I have to decide. My punishment has been set for whatever laws I've broken in this alien society, and the only thing I can do is choose how I'll respond. So far, it's been to hide, but I can't hide forever.
The shower turns off by itself, and then air from another area dries my body. When it's finished, I look at myself in the mirror. It's not really the fluffy hairstyle I'd ever choose for myself. My curls have been frizzed out by the shampoo and dried by the bathroom's computer, but at least I look clean.
I realize I'm freezing cold as well. The only clothing I have is what was given to me in the medical center. I don't want to wear those as they're dirty. I go into the bedroom and begin opening closets. I find a black uniform in one. I assume it must be Sem's, and as much as I don't want to wear anything of his right now, I'd rather do that and have something clean. It's just a simple black tunic and loose black pants with socks. There’s no way I can wear his boots; they are just too big. Everything is way too large for me, but I'm not going anywhere, so I don't care. I realize when I put these on that they must be made of some special material to keep my body temperature warm as the air in these quarters are not warm. It makes me think about pictures from the International Space Station. At least I'm not floating around. But why not turn up the heat? Even humans have heat on our small little station. Then it occurs to me, "Their core body temperature is lower because, ta-da, they are aliens, Ivy." I have to laugh at myself. "I'm losing my mind."
I go back out into the living room. It's still showing our backyard in New Orleans. I want to change it as it breaks my heart for all that could have been, but I'm not ready to give that up despite the reality before me now. I go back into the bedroom and open more closets and drawers to see if there's anything else here.
I open a set of drawers and find the framed picture of us from Greece, and it almost brings me to tears. I take it out and put it on top of the desk. Then, I look through the rest of the drawers. Inside are a few things from Earth and his phone. I pick it up and turn it on. It, of course, requires his fingerprint. I try to make an emergency call, but then I put it down. What would I say? That I'm in space. And if I look out the real window, it looks like space. I sigh and put it back. I see a few small notes I've written to him and left around the house. They were little nothings, evidence of daily life. Things like, "This is the light not working," because we didn't have a ladder yet, and I couldn't reach the bulb to change it. I touch the notes on brightly colored paper. "Why would he keep these?"
Of course, I know the reason because he loves me, and he cherishes even the smallest moments between us. I’ve kept everything he ever gave to me. My eyes go to the bracelet he gave me. I’ve still not taken it off. I put my hands on it now, but I can’t do it.
Frustrated with myself, I close the drawer and realize that I've fallen in love with an alien who owns very little but treasures what little he has, and that includes me. I don't know what I expected to find. The lair of Doctor Evil? An equivalent to Lex Luther? Instead, I found my non-legal husband, who's an alien but loves me, and I love him. But he is an alien, I think. How will this ever work?
I lay down on the large and luxurious bed covered in the silkiest material I've ever felt and ask myself, "How did this even happen?"
I go back to the beginning, the first time I met him. Suddenly, I remind myself again, he was himself on Halloween. Then I think about his friend Ash, the Tin Man. They were both themselves for Halloween. Aliens dressed up in human costumes. Aliens among us, and I didn’t even suspect. I thought he had amazing face paint. I was a fool.
I must also consider my part in all of this. I pushed this relationship. I wanted to meet him again. He initially declined, probably because he was an alien, and that made a relationship with a human complicated. But once we did start talking, I wanted to talk with him just as much as he wanted to talk to me. This is just as much my fault as his, I realize. I didn’t ask the questions I should have about his work.
But. But. But. He should have told me he wasn't from Earth, I think, getting upset again. He should have told me the dangers of being in a relationship with him. Because I assume aliens took me because of him. I remember the woman pointing to my bracelet and then stabbing me. What is the truth?
My hand goes to where the woman stabbed me. There's nothing there now, not even a scar, but I go back to those moments. Was Sem there, or did I imagine hearing his voice? I close my eyes, willing myself to remember, but it was too loud, and there was too much going on for me to be certain of anything.
I open my eyes when I hear the door open. Then I hear footsteps. I don't move a muscle. What will happen now?
Thirty-One
Sem
I walk over to where Ivy had been hiding before behind the sofa, and to my relief, she's no longer there. I check around the rest of the room, and without finding her, I walk into the bedroom. I find her lying on top of the blankets. I can tell she's had a shower, which is a good sign, but she looks so small and fragile wearing my clothing that is way too big for her. Her eyes are open. But she's just staring at me like she's looking at a ghost. Paralyzed.
I take a chance and lay down on the bed beside her. I face her so our eyes meet, but we aren't touching. I think it's better that we only look into each other's eyes at the moment. When she doesn't tell me to leave, I begin. "Ivy, I am truly regretful. I never told you I was not human. There were so many times when I wanted to."
"But now we’re both in trouble. You should've told me we were breaking some laws," she says, sadness and fear linked to her voice.
"I didn't know how to tell you. You told me many times you didn't believe in aliens and you didn't care if billionaires went up into space. I didn't know where to begin. I’ll admit I was selfish too. I wanted our human life. I wanted to keep our relationship as it was, but I swear to you, I wasn't going to keep it a secret forever. I knew it couldn’t be forever, but I wanted to keep it idyllic for as long as I could."
"According to Caroline, we’re in a serious mess. How could you not be more afraid of these punishments by your government?"
"Because losing what we had was more terrifying than any punishment. And the more our lives continued, the more I couldn't risk it. You are everything to me."