Page 16 of Broken

“Yes, but it’s not nearly as sweet as a three times sweet blondie.”

“Oh, I add sugar to it, mix it all up.” I make a humming sound as the idea of having any coffee right now is just what I need.

“Gotcha.” He lets out a small laugh.

“How do you drink your coffee?” I ask, playing with the stems of the roses, noticing there’s no thorns. “Did you cut the thorns off?”

“I did. I also like my coffee sweet and milky.” He replies. “But, I’m a caramel guy.”

“Didn’t see that coming.” Throw his words back at him, which causes us both to laugh. “So what's the plan for the day?”

“You do a few things with me, and tonight, I’ll go with you to the party.”

“You don’t want to go to Max’s parties. There’s always drugs there, and everyone eventually takes something.” I look out through my window as we jump on the highway, making our way to the city.

“Well, are you going?” He asks. There’s a bite to his tone, almost like he’s about to be pissed at my answer.

“Yes, I always go to his parties.”

“And the last time you went Knox-”

“I’m well aware of what Knox did, thank you very much. I just don’t think you’d have fun there. You’re just so-” I bite my tongue to keep from insulting him.

“So what, Katherine? Nerdy, in the out crowd, unable to hold my own?”

“No, you’re too pure to be around all of us.” I hang my head down, ashamed to admit that I shouldn’t even be with him in this car now. I’ll burn his light out, bringing him down. “Maybe this is a terrible idea, we shouldn’t be hanging out. Last night was a mistake.” We’re going seventy-five down the highway, and suddenly, we’re swerving off, hitting the wake up bumps, and he’s stopping. On the side of the highway. He flicks the car in park and hits the hazard lights. “What the actual fuck West, we can get hit out here.”

“You’re already half dead, barely living your life and constantly insulting yourself. I see you Katherine. The way you watch others around you, how you feel the words people say. How much it hurts you when someone doesn’t accept or notice you. How you pine for your own parents' attention. I’ve spent years wanting to help you, only to find myself doing the exact same fucking thing your mother does. I’ve made your life hell.” He smacks his steering wheel, forcing me to flinch. “I will not sit here and let you belittle what happened last night. It may have meant something completely different to you, but it still meant something.”

“Westley.” I breathe his name when I look up to see tear filled eyes.

“I’ve hated myself for so long for treating you the way I did, I’ve loved you longer than I’ve hated myself and to watch you just throw yourself at Knox or to get a call saying that you’ve been drugged.” He starts breathing heavily. “I wanted to kill Knox when I saw him on top of you, your head lulled to the side, completely unaware of what was even happening. And you want to go back tonight. Alone.”

“My life is fucked up West, I’m fucked up. There’s something that broke inside of me the night I was arrested. I haven’t been able to find her again. She’s gone, all that’s left is this. The girl who feels dirty, uses sex as a tool of self harm. I cut and rip my clothes and dress this way because this is how I feel on the inside. Blackened, broken, ripped, torn, used, and abused.”

I throw the stupid black roses at him and unbuckle my seat and jump out of the car. Fuck him. Fuck all of them. Watching the highway traffic I see a semi coming, shifting over to the further lane, I could step out and end it all. All of the pain, the disgust in myself gone in the blink of an eye.

“Katherine, get back in the fucking car!” West jumps out of the car, but I just close my eyes and feel the wind of the speeding cars and trucks. My arms out wide welcoming the thrill of the danger. My mind teeters on the edge as I move from one foot to the other, would it be painful? Would my last moments of this god damned life be as painful as living it up to this point? I heard once that people who jump to their death immediately regret it as soon as their feet leave the podium but how the fuck would anyone know that? It’s no different than jumping in front of a car, or truck, or off the side of a bridge. It all ends no matter the way, it's the reason that drives people to the brink of death, and it can’t get any worse than it is now.

I’m jerked backwards and I laugh, my entire body feeling electric at the possibility of death being so close. “Have you lost your damn mind?” He shouts as I continue to laugh, I feel his heart racing against my back, but I’m as calm and cool as a cucumber.

I just breathe, my laughter settling as I keep my eyes closed. The rush of all the cars driving by, the sound of their engines giving me a distorted feeling of peace.

“Get in the car.” He commands, lifting me off the ground as he carries me to the passenger door. I chuckle this time, as he opens the door and tosses me down to the seat. He races over to his door and jumps in. “You’re fucking insane.” He’s breathing heavily, and I can see that he’s panicking a little.

“That was fun!” I state, buckling back in so he can continue driving. “Let’s go.” I clap my hands twice and look at him. He’s just staring at me, not even touching the wheel as he wipes his palms on his pants.

“Why would you do that?” He asks, blinking at me.

“I told you, I’m not the same spoiled little girl you grew up with. Something is not right up here anymore.” I press two fingers to my temple, like someone signaling a gun to the head.

“Fucking hell, Kitty. I thought you were going to make me watch you die.” He puts his hands on the wheel, but he doesn’t get ready to drive. Instead I watch as his hands shake, each time he releases his whitening knuckles from it. He continues to grip and let go of the wheel, several times.

“You’re already watching me die, one second at a time, Westley. I’m slowly moving towards my grave, one day it will happen.”

“There’s no reason to jump both feet into the coffin so soon.” He lets out a shaky breath as he reaches over buckling himself in. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to take you to a couple places, without you dying.”

“No promises, we could wreck on the way there and,” I snap my fingers. “I’m gone like yesterday’s trash.”

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