Page 12 of Broken

Everything is pink and fluffy, the pillows, the walls, the fucking chair in the corner. Anger fills my veins as I feel the tears burning my eyes. Shaking, I lunge for the fluffy pink pillow and rip it open, watching the stuffing flying everywhere, and the toxic excitement I felt destroying that is nothing but unhealthy. So why do I want to do it?

Letting go, the full rage comes out as I rip everything off the walls, shoving all the pink, girly, bullshit to the floor, watching it fall to pieces. Losing myself in the chaos of destruction, I let it all out. The anger, the rage, the hate. Everything is wrong, it’s always wrong. Why can’t I just be myself, why do I have to be what they want me to be. To fit perfectly into their heart shaped boxes. I’m jagged, broken, and lost. There is no box for that, I’m just floating into the abyss. Losing myself to the nothingness that is slowly swallowing me up.

“Katherine!” My name is shouted out, but I can’t focus, I’m so furious, so fucking lost.

Lost.

Broken.

Arms wrap me up and suddenly I realize I’m bawling, like the girl I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be weak, preyed on by those stronger than me. I want to be the strong woman that beats men down for belittling them. Fight back with my sharp tongue, and know where I stand. I don’t want to just live, I want to love. To be loved. To feel the passion that I know is out there. Not the shit I’ve had. The sick, twisted fantasies of Knox, where he takes what he wants, when he wants.

Chapter Six

Westley

My room is quiet and I hate myself for not making sure she got home safely, so here I am. Sitting at my window waiting to see her light come on. I swear to everything fucking holy, that if she finds her way back to Knox, I will kill him.

Her light flicks on and I watch as she just stands there in the doorway, staring at the walls. Her arms hang down to her sides and she looks defeated, like the whole world has beaten her down. I can’t help but think that it’s my fault. Had I shown her how I felt instead of shoving her away, she could have been happy. Instead, she’s taken the darker path, finding herself. I’d say that she’s better off the way she is now, she’s stronger than she realizes. But, I need to know how she broke.

When I watch her rip open a pillow, I watch carefully. To see how far she’ll take it, needing to know just how dark this little princess has gone. When she starts smashing the things on the wall, I realize that she may not stop this time and I don’t need her getting in more trouble. Not so close to graduation, I want to make her mine, even if it’s just for the summer. And I have a feeling that if her parents push too hard, she’ll just leave. Leaving me no chance to ever feel her. I cannot go to college a virgin who never knew the touch of the only person he’s ever loved.

Taking off through the house, I make my way to the back door and right up to her window. In the time it took me to get from my bedroom window to hers, she’s destroyed nearly everything in her room. The shelves are ripped off the wall. Everything is broken and shattered on her floor as she just keeps going. I push the window up and climb into her room. She’s so lost in her own head she doesn’t even know I’m here. “Katherine!” I shout, trying to pull her back, reign her anger in but it doesn’t work.

She lifts her arms to smash something else with her fists but I'm quick to wrap my arms around her, pulling her against me as she starts crying, not really fighting me off as she just buckles. What happened to her? How do I fix her?

“This is all your fault.” She cries out, rocking in my arms.

“Then take your anger out on me, not the shit your mom is going to kill you over.”

“Material things have always been more important to her than me.” She replies, pushing away from me. “My dress.” She hits me in the chest with an open palm. The pain is nothing I can’t handle, she needs to let it out, and if I can help her, I will. I’m done hiding behind my insecurities.

“What else?” I ask her.

“Her stupid friends, her fake smile, her lack of love.”

“I caused those too?” I ask as she smacks me in the arm. If I could take it all back I would. Just so she didn’t have to feel this pain. Her hands continue to smack at me, hitting me time and time again, breaking my heart. “That's all you got Kitty Kat?” I ask, pushing her further.

“Who are you, you’re no one. Just my brother's friend, no one important.” She screams out, stepping away as she lifts a piece of broken picture frame up. “I’m no one. Why are you here?” she breaks the wood, “Why do you keep showing up?”

I close the gap she’s created, “Someone has to show you that you’re not okay.”

“Says you! I’m fucking fine West, I don’t need you in my life.”

“Then what do you need?” I ask, needing to help her. To make her see, make her feel. I want her, exactly how she is but not if she’s going to continue hurting herself. Even if it’s just smashing her room to bits.

“I need.” She growls, a scream quickly following as I watch the veins in her neck bulge. I’ve never seen so much anger in one tiny body. She’s like one of those firecrackers, small packaging, huge explosion. “I need to take it, not let it be taken.”

“Take what?” I ask, completely confused. We’re nearly nose to nose now, her breath is erratic as she breathes with her lips parted. I can feel the warmth against my skin, the hint of alcohol coming from her.

“This.” Suddenly, her arms are around me, her fingers pulling on the hair I have tied up into a bun. Her lips crash against mine and I’m pulled into a whole new kind of feeling.

Take, she needs to take what's been taken from her, her freedom to choose who she’s with. But last I checked, she’s been with Knox for the last year, on and off. Taking and giving.

I break the kiss, hating myself instantly, but I have to be the responsible one, and I can’t let her find out like this, that was my first kiss, or that I’ve never been with anyone. Fuck, of course she chooses now to need this, she wants to use me, just as she’s been used.

“Get out!” She shouts, slamming her hands against my chest, shoving me backwards. “Out, out, out!” she keeps repeating the world, pushing me further and further away until my back is against her bedroom door.

“I’m not going anywhere.” I whisper, sliding my fingers up her neck as my thumbs rest against the bottom of her jaw line. Now that I’ve kissed her, I need more. I stare down into her icy blue eyes, the wide pupils stare back at me, waiting to see what happens next. “Take what you want Kitty.”

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