Page 63 of Defended By Love

“You know, I think I do too.”

The building gives its first shake. Let it be a testimony to how messed up Grant and I are becoming that we don’t even flinch.

The rest of the cigars fall off the side of his desk. When it does, something snaps inside me. A scream unleashes from somewhere deep inside me. It’s the scream that I wanted to scream every time Dominic called me ‘kiddo’ in front of the partners. It’s the scream I wanted to scream when he accepted congratulations on his latest win and didn’t mention that I did nearly all the work. It’s the scream I wanted to scream when I got passed over for my own office again and again, while Felton’s nephew got a prime one after only a couple months.

The building continues to shake as I scream, but I don’t care. In one fell swoop, I knock everything off Dominic’s office, even as the world shakes around me. I knock off his computer and keyboard. I knock off his phone. Unfortunately, the bulk of his desk items—his own little personal museum of pictures of him shaking hands with big wigs—is gone. Still, I smash the picture of him with his family.

I pause.

That last one didn’t feel too good.

It doesn’t matter though. As the building roars its discontent, so do I. I take my personnel file, no all the personnel files I can find and start tearing them into chunks that I throw onto his now empty desk.

I know I’m just tearing up paper, but it feels like so much more. Some opinions, some words should have been destroyed long ago. I keep tearing until the pieces are tiny, the building is frantic, and my chest is panting its way back towards control.

“It seems pretty irresponsible to have fire around all this paperwork,” Grant offers, floating a lighter in front of my face.

I don’t even hesitate. I snatch the lighter out of the air and flick it open. The flame dances in front of my eyes, answering the part of myself that’s calling out for vengeance. Or maybe for closure.

Besides, time loop.

The blossoming flame unfurls into sweeping lines of destructive beauty when it hits the ugly words on my employee file.

I smile. Let it burn. Let it all burn. Let it burn and then let it crumble.

“Anything else you’d like to smash?” Grant asks as the building revolts around us.

With a smile, I realize that we’re floating about an inch off the ground and all the dislodged objects whirl around us, like we’re in the eye of a tornado. Dominic’s desk is aflame while every single part of his office crashes and breaks.

It’s chaos and destruction.

It’s everything he deserves.

It’s enough.

For now.

“No, let’s just get out of here.”

Grant’s arms are the ultimate juxtaposition of gentleness amid the raging ruination around us.

We fly out of Dominic’s now shattered window just as the building takes a respite before it inevitably falls. This time, I don’t stop and watch it crumble. I don’t even give it a backwards glance.

“So, I chose what we did yesterday,” Grant says softly in my ear as the building roars in defeat behind us. “You can choose today.”

I don’t answer him right away. I can’t.

Instead, I nestle my head against his chest and listen to the beating of his heart. In between the steady thumps, I consider what it is that I want to do. For the first time in far too long, I don’t want to work. I certainly have no desire to bust my ass for a company that finds me dispensable, among other lovely adjectives.

It’s been a long while since work wasn’t the driving factor in what I wanted to do with my day. Or with who I am.

It’s interesting, but within the confines of the time loop, I actually have more freedom than I ever have. I can do anything. I can do all the things I never had time to do before. I can do all the things I never had anyone to do them with before.

I can maybe even try not being so… me.

“I do have one idea,” I say slowly. “It’s a bit of a weird one, though.”

“As someone who has an entire closet dedicated to Comicon costumes, I can assure you that I love weird.”

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