Page 46 of Defended By Love

His smile only widens. “Whatever you say, Sunshine.”

I sigh. Right, he currently finds my arguing cute.

“I’m serious, Grant. I know this is all exciting because of the danger and I know it feels all fated because, for some reason, we’re the only two people aware of the time loop, but I’m not whoever you think I am. Give it time and you won’t find me cute or endearing.”

I know I sound like I’m deprecatingly depressed, but I’m not. I’m fine not being cute and endearing. Cute and endearing just aren’t me. Cute and endearing lead to being passed over for the good cases. Cute and endearing mean that you have to show up Beth’s lunch hour book club—Beth’s lunch hour potluck book club. No, I’ll take frigid and scary over cute and endearing any day.

Grant shrugs. “Between my transformation and you dying, I’ve been going through mental breakdowns like they’re cheap gum. It’s been a lot to take in, a lot to accept, except for what I feel for you. I don’t know how to explain it except to say that I like you. A lot. When I look at you, I see a puzzle piece with all these weird sticking out bits that fit perfectly into all my weird-shaped emptiness. We just fit. We work. That’s not something I question at all.”

“And that’s why we can’t be it for each other—I question absolutely everything. We’re just too different.”

“We’re perfectly different,” Grant amends with another slight squeeze of my hand. “I mean this in the nicest way, but if either of us dated someone similar to ourselves, we’d be fucked.”

I snort a laugh.

“Most couples look for compatibility.” I choose not to say that I read it Dr. Debbie’s Guide to Understanding Relationships. There was a whole chapter on how to find a suitable partner and the author explicitly said to look for someone similar to you.

“If I dated someone like me,” Grant says, taking his hand out of mine to wrap his arm around me. “We’d be so laid back that we’d probably never take our relationship beyond casual hangouts every other week.”

“If I dated someone like me,” I add. “We’d probably notarize a schedule for when we’d have sex.”

Grant throws his head back to laugh, pulling me in close against his side. Again, this only proves how little he knows me. I wasn’t joking. A lot of couples’ relationships suffer due to mismatched sexual expectations. This way, there’d be no surprises.

Once his laughter dies down, Grant still holds me close to his side. The thrum of his heart relaxes me in a way I can only feel with him.

“I don’t know how this is going to go, but I do know that it’s going to work. We are going to work.”

Even though I hate it, I pull away from him slightly. Immediately, I miss his warmth.

“I think we should just keep things casual while we figure this whole time loop thing out.” I hesitate. “We can still mess around, but maybe save the destiny talk for once we can actually experience the future.”

Grant pulls back more, far enough back to look in my eyes and nod seriously. Slowly, he runs his fingers through his hair.

“Respectfully, I think I’m going to do the opposite.”

For a second, his words don’t register. People don’t usually disagree with me. Certainly not to my face.

“You can’t just say you’re going to do the opposite.”

Grant smiles. “Sure. And, again, no offense, but for being the smartest person I know, you’re wrong pretty much all the time.”

“Pardon me?” I ask, my voice going impossibly high.

Who the hell is he to say that I’m wrong all the time? My win rate is well above statistical averages for environmental law. I was on the debate team in university. When I watch Jeopardy! on television, I keep track of my winnings and I do very well.

“Yeah,” Grant says, stretching out to put his feet up on his coffee table. “First you thought I was this suave superhero guy. Then, you thought I was Zagreus Hart. Now, you think this isn’t true love. Sorry, but I’m just not going to take advice from someone with your track record.”

His smile widens. His tongue peeks playfully out from between his teeth. Even though I know he’s baiting me, I can’t help but boil with frustration.

“There is a very reasonable context for the first two of your points. You were actively pretending to be a suave superhero and also the emotional trauma of the moment alone is enough to invalidate—”

“Exactly!” Grant interrupts. “You’re emotionally traumatized. That’s why you’re denying that we’re soulmates. And that’s why we’re going to take things slow.”

“We’re not… Wait. What do you mean by taking things slowly?”

Again, Grant runs his hand through his hair. Although, this time, he looks sad, rather than pensive.

“I told you: I’m going to do the opposite of what you suggested. Instead of fooling around now and talking about our feelings later, I’m going to talk about my feelings now and we can fool around after we’ve figured this all out. I don’t like you downplaying our once-in-a-lifetime emotional connection as sexual chemistry, but as long as we fool around, that’s what you’ll keep doing. So, until you truly fall for me—and I mean head over heels fall for me—we’re done doing squat thrusts in the cucumber patch.”

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