Page 52 of Strike A Chord

“I can see how people live like this full-time. This is amazing.”

“Right? Better than that shithole I used to live in for sure. Gets cramped with five grown men on it but still not too bad.” Josh hurriedly packed his bag and slung it over his shoulder. “They’ll bring my equipment back with them. No use grabbing it when it’s already going to the next show in Seattle.”

The guard led us to the waiting car, and we made the short drive to the hotel, Josh and I holding hands the entire way. Everything about him kept me captive. From his kind eyes to his deep soul. When I was with him, I was happier. As promised, the hotel manager met us in the lobby and escorted us to our room.

“Whoa. This isn’t a room, it’s a damn apartment.” Wide-eyed, Josh glanced around and beelined it straight for the wall of windows with the best view of Los Angeles.

“This is my first time in LA.”

“No shit? I lived here for a bit. Not long before I moved to AZ. It’s something else. Sad to see how many came here with delusions of grandeur, dreams to fulfill to only have them disappear. Stories I’ve heard from those I met would break you. Kids living on the street, life turned to drugs and tricks just to survive.” Josh shook his head and turned toward me.

“What’s wrong?” His eyes said it all, he had something to say and whether I’d like it or not, he had to get it off his chest.

Josh crossed the room and sat back on the couch with a sigh. “So, um, you know I’ve been working with the doc on those exercises. Rewriting my nightmares.”

Nightmares, as in more than one. I should’ve known this but never asked for fear of that triggering him. “Yes.” Did I ask how that was going or was that the wrong thing to do? I should schedule an appointment with his doctor and ask for guidance.

“Well, the biggest, I guess deepest embedded one I’m struggling with the most. It’s, um, that one time I kind of mentioned before.” His eyes pleaded with mine to not make him spell it out, but it wasn’t clicking.

“One time?”

“Yeah, um, bottoming.”

Oh. Ohhhh. Fuck.

“I think the best way for me to rewrite it is to not rewrite it at all.” When I cocked my head to the side like a confused pup, he smiled. “For this one, actions may speak louder than written words and if I do it again of my own free will with the person I love and trust most in the world, that positive memory will push the other into the vault and keep it locked away. I hope.”

“Josh.”

He held up a hand to halt any speech I may’ve given, though words escaped me. “Please. This is killing me, and I’ve got to work through it. The only way I see how is with you. Reagan, you’re the love of my life, my forever, my partner in life, and the only human I’ll ever trust without question.”

“God, Josh.” I cupped his face and kissed him with all the love I could. “You are my forever, but are you sure?”

“Yeah. Please?”

Jesus Christ, that single word, a solo plea for help whether it be in a conventional or unconventional form, sealed it for me. Josh needed this, needed to be owned by someone he loved and trusted. The one person who could undo a wrong that happened to him so very long ago. If I was the key to his healing or even just to help with a piece of it, I was there. However he wanted me to be. I grabbed our bags and held my hand out. “Come, my love.”

He was nervous, the energy radiated through him and into me. Josh stiffly stood at the foot of the bed as I undressed him and whispered sweet words of love and praise as my lips pressed to his exposed skin. “My love, my life.” Shivers coursed through him, and goosebumps covered his body. “I’ll love you forever and into the afterlife.” I folded his clothes and sat them on a nearby chair. “You’re gorgeous, Josh, inside and out.” Josh watched as I undressed and placed my clothes with his. When I removed the lube and condoms from my bag and sat them on the nightstand, he stiffened.

“If at any time this becomes too much, you tell me to stop. Shout red or no, whatever word you choose, this stops right then. You have nothing to prove to anyone, Josh.”

“Yes, I do. I have something to prove to me.”

At a loss for words, I merely nodded and pulled the sheets down. We lay side by side and shared soft kisses and lightly stroked one another. No rush for the finish line and the almighty happy ending. Just two men, in love, embarking upon a next step in their future. One of love and healing, mental health, and happiness. I waited for a signal from Josh that he was ready. When the thrust of his hips increased and his moans deepened, it was time.

“Josh?”

“I’m ready.”

As I raised to reach for the supplies and move into place, Josh slid his legs apart. I hovered above him and recited the words I’d said many times but were the ones he needed to hear most right now. “I love you, Josh.” I pressed my lips to his then proceeded to do the same along his neck, onto his chest, sucking each nipple in turn. Josh’s back arched as he thrust up and sought more. My lips trailed down his torso and along his happy trail. When I reached his semi-hard cock, I sucked it to the hilt as I quietly lubed my fingers and trailed the tip of one around his rim.

Josh flinched, so I sucked harder, and gave his mind something to focus on other than the intrusion. Many times, he’d allowed a finger or two inside and enjoyed prostate play. But this time was different, this was taking it to a whole new level and one he’d never wanted to venture to again. His trust in me and his faith that I was the key to helping him heal absolutely blew me away.

“Sweetheart, relax.” He took a couple calming breaths, or at least that’s what I assumed they were meant to do. Slowly, he let me in, one hand focused on prepping him while the other stroked his cock. By the time I had three fingers inside him, repeatedly pressing against his sweet spot, his hips thrust of their own volition and the moans increased. When both stopped so I could roll the condom on, he froze. “Josh, are you sure?” I had no problem bottoming for him, I quite enjoyed it to be honest, but this was a decision only he could make. Once we passed this uncrossed line there was no turning back.

His eyes remained closed though his head nodded as he whispered, “Yes.”

I lined my cock head at his entrance and pressed just the tip in and paused. “Josh, open your eyes.” I wasn’t moving until he saw that it was me, not the man in his nightmares. “There you are. Remember, Josh, I love you.”

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