Page 19 of Strike A Chord

“Both are actually my jam,” I winked. “I’m good with that. Pick whatever’s your favorite. Did you eat?”

“Nah, wanted to wait for you. Just so you know, asking me to do more than use a microwave is detrimental to your health.”

“Well, mind if I sift through your fridge and cupboards?” I was lucky in many respects, and I had my hard-working mother to thank for that. She instilled the values with which my life was led by. Honestly, integrity, and trust. Trust in yourself first and foremost. Cooking was another lesson and was a task we did together when we had the same nights off. We took turns one-upping the other to create The Next Best Meal as she named our homemade dinner show for two.

“Go for it, though you’ll only find shit that can be nuked.” Josh wasn’t kidding. A couple boxes in the freezer, milk, beer, and water in the fridge, and mac and cheese and cereal in a cupboard.

“All right, next time I come bearing groceries. For today is delivery day.” I struck a ridiculous Spartan pose, having used an equally as terrible voice to match. Thankfully, Josh got the joke and laughed. “What’s around that’s good?”

“For a price, you can get anything. I’ve got beer so I vote for pizza and wings. You bought last time so this one’s on me.” The protest was on my lips though it fell silent. Josh had never shared his financial situation with me, yet. I’d overheard the conversation at the bar the night they played. And while he didn’t live in the best area either, I refused to make him feel less by denying him this. It would only further serve to draw on his insecurities.

“Okay, next time the food is on me.” Josh gave a brief head nod and turned away as he slid his phone from his pocket. Likely ordering our food off an app. At some point the talk of finances would come, but we were far too new to each other to dig into that. Finances were personal, and sometimes the reason why many relationships failed. If he kept that to himself, that was fine but as he opened more and more of himself to me, I'm sure it would come out. Glancing around his apartment, he owned very little which said enough. Patience and time was what he needed and I’d give him that and more.

Remote in hand, he chose a home improvement show for us to watch. “For now, this will do.”

“I have a couple streaming services. If you don't mind, I could log in and we could pick a show from there. Sometimes when I get home from work my mind won't shut down, so I put on a long movie or series to watch until I fall asleep.”

“Makes sense. Instead of the TV I turn to my guitar and play for a while. It settles my soul.” Having an outlet was important and music was perfect for Josh. He was by no means lazy and not working all this time clearly wasn’t by choice. The depth of his need for Chaotic to succeed I now understood, and it wasn’t all about money.

By the time the first episode finished our food had arrived. I logged into my account and selected a series I had watched before and loved but fell asleep during parts of it. Josh and I kicked off our shoes and settled in, side by side on the couch. Before long, plates were shoved aside, and we’d morphed into a comfy ball. If we stayed on this path, it wouldn't be long before I was head over heels for this neurotic human, who ached to be loved.

Josh glanced up as though he’d read my thoughts, and my eyes immediately went to his lips. Today wouldn't end with just one kiss and having already come with that thought in mind I was ready to move things along. Would there be a battle for dominance in the bedroom? I sure as hell hoped not. And while Josh had been dominant in his past, with me thus far he’d been submissive. I had no problem with who topped whom but taking this next step wasn’t one of his usual hit it and bail scenarios. The use of the word aftercare didn’t sound right yet that’s almost how I foresaw this night ending—with Josh in my arms. Sated and safe.

Our lips touched once, twice, before our tongues met in that familiar way and my length hardened. Kissing for me was the ultimate foreplay. The denim tightened uncomfortably as Josh cupped my groin and slid his palm up the outside. Skin on skin, mouth on skin, at this point I wasn't choosy as long as we got naked.

“I think we're both a bit too large for this to go any further on the couch.” The heat reflected in Josh’s eyes nearly had me retracting my words and stripping down right here.

He sighed. “Agreed.”

I rose first and held out a hand to help him up and didn’t let go once he stood as I led him down the hall. I wasn’t sure which door went to the bedroom but given there were only two and the bathroom was open, it wasn’t hard to figure out. When we reached the foot of the bed, I wrapped my arms around him. “Tell me what you’re thinking?”

“I waited so long for this, and now…”

“Now?”

“I find it hard to believe you’re giving me a chance.”

“I’m giving us a chance. Josh, this isn’t a one and done for me. If it is for you, tell me now and I’ll walk away. I want more than that with you.” Had I miscalculated this? Was sex still all he was after?

“No. I want more, too. I’m just…” Josh shook his head. “Nervous if you can believe it.”

“Well, I can but remember it’s just us. This is between you and me, there’s no contest to win. No five minutes, say goodbye and onto the next. This is us adding another block to building our relationship.”

“That’s where I usually fuck up. I know, baby steps and all that. But if I do something wrong, will you tell me?” Fear of failure radiated through his words.

“I will, though I don’t foresee that happening. Do you want to stop now?” Having either of us feel uncomfortable during such a big step wasn’t worth the price that could be paid in the end. Losing us. We both absolutely had to be ready and on the same page with this.

“No. I want this. I want you. You’re,” he drew in a deep breath and released it. “You’re important to me.”

His honesty struck me right in the core. “Hey,” I tilted his chin up. “You’re important to me, too, and as with anything between us, saying no is always okay. If I found out later something we did made you uncomfortable and you didn’t speak up, then we’d have a problem. I care a great deal about you, and I’m in this one hundred percent.”

This time, instead of me making the first move, Josh did it, which was a nice change. A true sign that his comfort level with me strengthened. He pressed his lips to mine, the kiss quickly heating given our previous state of arousal. Unspoken words of not so much a confession I'd say, but a statement that we both felt how important this was. Far more than just getting off, a reality that only served to heighten our need. Being with someone you really cared about made a difference. Sure, I'd cared about others in the past but for Josh this was all new and I could only imagine his internal struggle to not only understand, but to accept.

But I ached with a need only Josh’s body could tame. “Let's get undressed.” His eyes were anywhere but on me as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt. For me, having no tattoos myself, I studied every inch of his skin as it appeared. I was enthralled by the art another chose to put on their body, a statement, a means to display the things they loved enough to carry with them permanently. While Josh's tattoos were eclectic, each symbolized a different event in his life from the lone wolf on his chest to the, yeah, he didn’t lie. As soon as his pants dropped, the tattoo across his pelvic area came into view and wound down and around his dick. Fucking hell, that had to hurt.

“Well, no bullshit about that tattoo.”

Josh laughed and finally glanced up at me. “There's not much I'll lie about which is how I spent most of my life in trouble. I do shit and admit to it and that’s that. Although I do have to say over the last couple of years, I've grown and while I still refuse to lie, I can't promise I won’t get into shit.”

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