Page 74 of Heart of Gold

A lump develops at the back of my throat and I swallow. No more tears tonight. None at all.

“Every day,” I whisper.

Max doesn’t respond, just takes a drink.

22

Max

Something doesn’t add up.

Emily’s posture tells me something is wrong.

She loved me. It seems like she wanted me around. Emily already confirmed she didn’t receive the emails and didn’t read the words I poured over. I used to look forward to checking my email and writing her emails, even if I was bone-tired from providing dental services all day to folks who had never had a dental exam their entire life. She may have thought I didn’t want her, but I hoped she questioned it. She just didn’t shrug her shoulders and think, “Well, I guess I’m raising this baby on my own.”

Everyone in my life expects so much out of me. The one person who should expect everything is sitting across from me, expecting nothing. She owns a beautiful home, runs a successful business, and helps with her family’s business. She and Olive are doing just fine without me, but I want to be here to support her, however I can.

Being close to her is not making it easy to keep this professional.

It’s more than the light freckles across her nose or her legs from those shorts she’s wearing that’s driving me mad. When I stand close to her, I smell her perfume, light and clean, and I have to stop my sinful thoughts from seeping in.

If I let myself, I can fall back into the magic of our first week.

She has a boyfriend. I can’t.

When we’re finished with our meals, I pay the bill to Emily’s objections. We stand up and after we walk out of the restaurant, I say, “We should go to the lake. I haven’t seen it since I came back.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Since we’re kid-free and all.” Without thinking, I wrap my arm around her shoulders. She lets me pull her toward me, and I kiss her head, without a thought. Just a friendly side-hug between two old friends. Although if I were Burke, I would be pissed to see someone like me doing this.

It’s a short drive from Betty’s Café to Tin Lake, the parking lot overflowing with cars and campers. Chatter from lake-goers and sounds of glee float towards us as we close Emily’s SUV’s doors.

“It hasn’t changed a bit. Holy shit, the snack bar.”

A rush of memories hits me. Glancing down the beach, I spot the vacation rental we stayed at. It looks more worn than I remember, the blue faded to a dingy gray. It was the first time I remember no tension between my mother and father. Everyone was relaxed, happy. I had finally convinced Dad to let me go on a dental mission, something I’d wanted to do since I heard about them. We had spent the first day, lounging, reading, just talking and being together.

It was the most perfect day, because that was the day I met Emily.

The afternoon of the first day, I slammed the door to the beach house and came down to the beach, just to realize I didn’t have money to get a Diet Coke.

A bright voice offered me money, and the rest is history.

“Thanks for the dollar, by the way,” I say, nudging her with my elbow.

Emily giggles and crosses her arms. “You looked like you were about to cry when you realized you didn’t have any money on you.”

“It was just an excuse to get you to talk to me.” I had noticed her behind me and psyched myself out. It was only when I got to the front of the line and thought to myself, I can’t be a broke loser in front of this gorgeous girl.

“Well, I’m glad you didn’t have any money,” Emily says. “For lots of reasons.”

“Me too.”

I pat for my wallet and pull it out, just to double-check I had a few dollars. “How about I finally pay you back?”

“You got me that Diet Coke for my birthday.”

“It only counts as payback if I get it from the snack bar.”

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