Page 74 of Birds of a Feather

‘Don’t be silly,’ I said instinctively. ‘That would be crazy.’

‘I know, I know. But I wish I could be there for you. And Aunt Gerry.’

Of course, it would be ridiculous; we’d only just met each other and, if he came out, he would inevitably have to meet my family, which would be a palaver at the best of times, let alone this one. But I wanted him here anyway. I longed for him to swat away my insincere protests and tell me he’d be on the next plane out.

He didn’t, and I felt annoyed at myself for being disappointed. My ability to form rational thoughts about him had been further impaired now I’d added grief and several gin and tonics to the serotonin and dopamine that were already corrupting my judgement.

I massaged my forehead with my spare hand, trying to alleviate my throbbing headache.

‘You probably want to get back to your family,’ Nick said after a few more moments of silence.

‘Not really,’ I laughed. ‘But I probably should. When I left them, they were discussing whether they should have her ashes shot from a cannon, or turned into tattoo ink so we could all get matching portraits of her etched into our bodies. I should probably get back to keep them on the straight and narrow.’

‘Tattooed portraits?’ Nick repeated.

‘Actually, I think that was Gerry’s idea.’

He laughed.

I couldn’t think of anything else to say. I felt like my mind was operating in slow motion, and my body had been sucked dry of all its energy.

‘I’m really sorry, Beth,’ he said tenderly. ‘She was terrific, and I’m really glad I got to meet her. I just wish I could do more to be there for you.’

Staunchly independent, I had never needed anything from anyone, much less from a partner. I learned young that it was better not to rely on Mum or Dad for anything, and I had been single for so long that even if I couldn’t do something, I would learn how to, or pay someone who could.

But Nick’s words comforted me; I liked the idea that someone wanted to be there for me, not because they thought I needed it, but because they wanted to be.

‘Thanks, Nick. It means a lot. I’ll be okay, eventually.’

‘If you need anything, just call. Any time,’ he said. ‘Promise?’

‘Promise.’

I hung up and walked back into the kitchen to find my family debating whether Gran’s barley soup or meat pies were her superior dish. Neither, I insisted, came close to her rice pudding. I remembered the night we contacted Gerry was the last night she’d made it for me.

‘Where is Gerry?’ I asked Mum quietly, while the others carried on the discussion.

‘I think she popped to the loo,’ she responded. ‘But that was a little while ago. I should check on her.’

‘It’s okay,’ I said, already standing again. ‘I’ll go.’

I arrived to find the toilet light was off and the door was open, but I noticed the door to the garden was ajar.

I poked my head outside and spotted her. She was slumped in one of the many white plastic outdoor chairs that littered my parents’ garden. The number of these chairs had multiplied each time my parents hosted a party. By my calculations, they had enough to seat the crowd of a Boxing Day Test.

Gerry was staring up at the night sky, her tear-stained cheeks glistening in the moonlight.

‘They’re a lot, aren’t they?’ I asked rhetorically, selecting the cleanest-looking chair to sit in. ‘My family, I mean.’

‘Oh, they’re great,’ she replied. ‘I just needed some fresh air. I think the day, and the gin, have caught up with me.’

I nodded in solidarity.

‘Nick rang, so I’ve let him know,’ I said, after a few moments. ‘I’m sure he’ll be in touch with you soon.’

She gave me a wry smile. ‘It’s good to see you two are still getting on well, despite the oceans of distance between you.’

Not for the first time, I wished that the great minds of the world would stop messing about with space travel and focus on perfecting teleportation across Earth, so I could see him again, even if just for an hour. Hearing Gerry talk about the distance between us reminded me again of the challenge we faced. And I couldn’t ignore that if things didn’t work out between us, it would add extra heartbreak to the devastation of losing Gran. Was it better to have loved and lost? I pondered. Maybe it would be best to just let it go as a holiday romance, before anyone (me) got really hurt.

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