Page 65 of Birds of a Feather

He was more attractive than I remembered, if that was even possible.

‘I took the liberty of making a reservation for dinner at a great place just around the corner,’ he said. ‘But it’s not for forty-five minutes. So we could go somewhere for a drink. Or …’

He bit the bottom of his lip, which inspired a variety of thoughts for how we could spend the next forty-five minutes.

We didn’t make it to dinner. Indeed we didn’t make it far through the doorway into his flat for a good thirty minutes. But the evening was perfect. And so was he.

~

Very early the next morning, Nick made coffee as I showered. As the warm water cascaded over me, I ran through the list of reasons I was glad to be going home. I was looking forward to getting stuck into the next phase of my possum project, I was keen to salvage my indoor plants that I was sure Mum would have forgotten to water, and it would soon be jacaranda season – my favourite time of the year, when the city was awash with purple. I repeated the list several times; it was all I could do to convince myself that leaving London was the right thing to do.

Chapter 29

Elise

Despite a few close calls, Elise and Beth managed to board the plane with all their luggage, and their passports. But Elise was also boarding with a plus-one, and she sensed that Beth was boarding with regret that she had to leave hers behind.

As the plane hurtled down the runaway and launched into the air, Gerry reached over the divide of the adjoining business class pods and squeezed Elise’s hand.

‘Who would have thought?’ Gerry said.

‘Who indeed?’ Elise chortled.

Elise allowed herself to reflect on the significance of the past two weeks. She had touched down in London with a menagerie of winged insects flapping around her insides. She’d had no idea how her reunion with Gerry was going to go, or whether she should even have visited in the first place. She certainly never imagined it would go as well as it did.

Nor had she expected Beth to open her heart to love on the trip. Elise had surreptitiously watched on as Beth had farewelled Nick at the terminal with an uncharacteristically long embrace. The whispered exchanges and stolen kisses they shared when they thought no one was looking spoke volumes about their affections for each other. But Elise knew Beth well enough to know there was no point in probing for details. She would share them if she wanted and, if not, she would guard them like a state secret.

‘I don’t ask this to apply any kind of pressure,’ Gerry started, somewhere over south-eastern Europe. ‘But have you given much thought to how you will introduce me to people?’

Elise had been thinking about it. A lot.

‘You mentioned your immediate family was supportive, but what about the other people in your life? Will they be as accepting? I hope you understand that I won’t lie about myself. And I won’t be shoved back in the closet.’

‘Of course not,’ Elise replied earnestly. ‘I would never ask you to do that.’

‘I know you mean that,’ Gerry responded. ‘But I assume I’ll be sleeping in a bed with you. What happens when visitors come over? Will we be dragging my pyjamas between rooms to make it seem like we’re just two old friends enjoying a platonic sleepover?’

‘I don’t think that will be necessary,’ Elise replied, understanding its pertinence. ‘Perhaps we’ll just forgo pyjamas altogether and save ourselves the hassle.’

Gerry smiled meekly.

‘I was actually planning on asking how you wanted to handle it too, Gran,’ Beth said, leaning forward out of her pod. ‘You know what I’m like, and between our field trips and mutual colleagues I’m worried I’ll say something I’m not meant to, to someone I’m not meant to tell.’ She looked to Gerry. ‘I have a rich and mortifying history of putting my foot in my mouth – socks, shoes and all. I am a watertight secret-keeper, but I’m a terrible liar.’

‘I’m not going to lie to anyone,’ Elise confirmed quickly. ‘I just don’t think I need to make a song and dance about it. There are people I’m looking forward to telling because I want them to know how happy I am. But everyone else can draw their own conclusions and ask me about it if they feel they need to.’

‘It must make you so happy to see how different things are for people now,’ Beth directed to Gerry, ‘after everything I’m sure you must have gone through in your lifetime.’

Gerry nodded.

‘Yes. I see now that when you came out all those years ago,’ Elise said, ‘it wasn’t just your sexuality you were defining.’

‘Allll those years ago?’ Gerry drew out the ‘L’ for emphasis. ‘You’re making me sound old.’

Elise didn’t take her bait.

‘You declared your sense of self-worth to the world, despite all the hostility and judgement you faced. You claimed your right to be yourself, even if it didn’t fit with other people’s expectations of what that should look like. That was so courageous. I’m not sure I would have been that brave. It’s taken me sixty years—’

‘It wasn’t exactly that simple, Elise,’ Gerry said firmly but not unkindly. ‘It’s true that I’ve enjoyed a lot of love and friendship that I wouldn’t have found if I hadn’t been true to myself, but I’ve lost people too. And there are people – people dear to me, including my parents – who never knew all of me.’ She paused as if still burdened by the weight of it. ‘Back then, it wasn’t so much about “coming out”, but letting people in. And, I didn’t just come out once and that was that,’ she continued. ‘I “come out” every day.’ She used her fingers to insert the phrase into quote marks. ‘Each time I meet someone new, I have to make a decision about whether to correct their assumptions, and carry out a risk assessment about how that might go. I’ve been doing it for decades, and it’s fucking exhausting. To be honest, sometimes it’s just not worth it. Who cares if a shop assistant I’ll never see again, who is selling me a pint of milk, views me through their heteronormative lens and assumes I’ve got a husband at home to make tea for?’ Gerry let out an exasperated sigh, as though the fatigue of having to declare her sexuality for the past fifty-odd years had finally caught up with her.

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